Thursday Listening Party

August 14, 2014 by

radio

On the Thursdays we don’t release a new AMT, we crank up the spoken word audio and have a Thursday Listening Party.

This week, a lot of you will want to hear the 2010 episode of WTF where Marc Maron talks to Robin Williams. Here it is, with a new intro from a choked-up Marc. Get your hankie ready.

You might also want to hear Lauren Bacall tearing it up on Desert Island Discs from 1984, here. Now please excuse me while I get lost in the Desert Island Discs 60-year archive. Again.

Not a million miles from Desert Island Discs is BBC 6 Music’s The First Time With…, in which musicians talk about the songs that made them. Sorry if you were expecting a show in which famous people discuss losing their virginities. (Does such a show exist? Aside from this one?)

I’m intrigued to listen to this programme about the politics of Dr Seuss: Dr Seuss and the Butter Battle. And if you’re intrigued to hear the AMT take on Dr Seuss, you can find it in the Answer Me This! Christmas album. You may think it’s unseasonal to listen to a Christmas show in the middle of August, but there’re only 132 days to go! (‘Only’. That’s still more than a third of a year. But it doesn’t stop a film called Santa With Muscles being played on one of the more remote Freeview channels every damn day.)

Finally: if you’re keen to start making your own podcasts, you can learn everything you need to know at the Essentials of Podcasting Guardian Masterclass on 20th September. I’ll be there to share all my podcasting knowledge, which should take around five minutes; luckily you’ll also be taught all about hardware, software, editing, production, formatting, publicity etc from the likes of Bugle producer Chris Skinner, Guardian podcast producer Jason Phipps, and software inventor Drew White. Book your place here.

PS: if you’re at Green Man festival this weekend, say hi to me and Martin! I’ll be doing Pappy’s Flatshare Slamdown at 1am on Saturday night/Sunday morning. Martin will be playing songs on the Solar Stage on Friday and Sunday, and demonstrating 3D printing in Einstein’s Garden every day. 3D printing at a folk festival? Apparently so.

Which shows have been delighting you lately? Recommend some in the comments.

Tune in to our various other gigs:

Catch up on AMT295 and the episodes preceding it.
AMT episodes 1-170 and the special AMT albums are all available for a piddling little price at answermethisstore.com, and if you buy any of them you’re bankrolling the podcast, for which we are extremely grateful. At this time of year, whisk yourself away on the AMT Holiday – a bargain minibreak at only £2.49.
Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. Set your alarm.
I host the monthly Sound Women podcast and am on Let’s Talk About Tech from BBC 5 Live.
Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train, The Global Lab and The Sound of the Ladies.

Tangrams

August 13, 2014 by

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT295

Chris from Crystal Palace is puzzled:

In the last episode Helen mentioned a tangram and Martin asked what a tangram was but got no answer. Helen, answer me this: what is a Tangram?

It’s a puzzle, Chris.

No, I mean, it actually is a puzzle: invented in China, the tangram is a square divided into seven shapes, from which you build other shapes. Like this:

tangram

You can make your own tangram out of a piece of paper, then use it to make cute kitties:

tangram cats

Or a series of people larking around:

tangramfigures

Or…oh dear no.

tangramweapons

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EPISODE 295 – the genetic lottery

August 7, 2014 by

AMT legs
Cor, get a load of those stems, listeners! This week, the men of AMT (that’s Olly and Martin the Sound Man, in case you couldn’t work it out) show off their shapely pins – but whose pins are shapelier? Cast your vote in the comments for the left or right pair of legs. Self-esteems depend upon it. Why? Find out in Answer Me This! Episode 295:

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

We also find out about:

OS maps
Freshers’ Week
the price of buses
Kent vs France
psoriasis vs Parkinson’s
Helen’s dad’s genes vs Helen’s dad’s jeans
bat detectors
human meat
William Seabrook
Andy Serkis
auctioneers’ patter
mature students
existential questions at Buckler’s Hard
bereavement
corporate tangrams
and
Helen’s first teapot.

We also wonder whether Martin the Sound Man has gone completely batshit, as he tries to converse with bats, thinks jackets = character, and yet again airs his obsession with Holly Hunter. Turn off the lights and pretend you’re not home, Holly!

In today’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android or Windows gadgetry), we tackle a question from Tori about rumours about teachers that swirled around school. In our cases, most of those rumours were cleaner than the reality.

Make AMT296 a reality by supplying some QUESTIONS: leave a message on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis), and/or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our imaginary friend at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Thanks very much to our benevolent sponsers Squarespace.com for supporting both this episode and your website-building endeavours: enter the code Answer for 10% off their website-hosting, -designing and -troubleshooting services for a whole year and build, build, build!

We shall return with AMT296 on 21st August, unless this leg rivalry means Olly and Martin will no longer agree to be in the same room as each other. It’s pretty serious.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT295 Child-Friendly Rating: 86%. A couple of swears, but no lascivious content. •••

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rich man, poor man

August 7, 2014 by

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CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT294

It’s sad to see money coming between friends. Max in London writes:

In ATM294 you discussed the issue between two friends, one of whom made money on the advice of the other. I have a similar problem with my friend (let’s call him Tom) which I worry is going to to ruin our lifelong friendship.

My friend and I went to school together and have been lifelong companions with the same interests, sense of humour etc, and even now that we are grown up and married with children, we don’t live far apart. Until recently we spoke and got together several times a week. Our families always got along well, meeting up regularly, going for meals and we have even gone away for short breaks and on holiday together. Perfect, you might think.

After school Tom and I both went to university and I became a teacher soon after; Tom on the other hand opened his own business. He is a great entrepreneur and soon his business thrived and he now has several very successful operations around the country.

Here lies the crux of the problem. Tom with his success is now very wealthy, while my wife and I live on a very modest income. We struggle to make ends meet he has the best of everything. He has purchased a huge house, thankfully not too far from where we live, drives several expensive cars and so on. Please don’t get me wrong: I don’t begrudge him his success and he truly is the same guy as before, just with more money.

The problem occurs when we share activities together. Tom always wants to do things in style. The ordinary sorts of places we used to go no longer seem good enough so it is always fancy restaurants, expensive hotels etc. Frankly we cannot keep up with the expense. Whenever I we suggested going somewhere more modest he said he would rather not. I tried hinting that we couldn’t afford things he could but this went right over his head, so one day I confronted the issue explaining our position. Being the generous guy he is, Tom said he understood, but said that because he could now afford the best he would pay for me and my family at these places. Suggestions that we eat more modestly were always rejected. I told him that I would feel uncomfortable with him paying, so he told me to pay what we could and he would make up the rest.

My wife and I tried this arrangement for a while, though unhappy with it, even going away on holiday with them to the Bahamas (for which we felt we had to pay a lot more than we could afford and this has left us with many thousands on a credit card). Eventually I talked to Tom again and explained that I really felt uncomfortable with everything and really couldn’t carry on with it. Tom really couldn’t see my point and so there was no real resolution. He thinks I am being ‘proud’ about the money and that he doesn’t mind. Maybe this is the case, but the whole thing doesn’t sit well with me. One remark that really did cut deep was when he referred to me being ‘only a teacher’ and so he didn’t mind ‘subsidising’ things. Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that my eldest child has remarked how their uncle Tom pays for everything and how we aren’t as rich as them. Am I being proud?

The result is that we see less and less of Tom and his family and our conversations on the phone are awkward. It feels like that we are at an impasse and that eventually we will drift apart.

What should I do?

This is a real pisser, Max. Let’s turn to popular entertainment for assistance:

1. Watch Friends series 2 episode 5, where the group is similarly divided in two by their income disparity. Unfortunately for you, the episode does not offer a proper solution to the problem; it merely resolves it by having Monica losing her job, meaning the poors outnumber the riches. However you may at least take comfort from the fact that your own friendship is not being tested by Hootie and the Blowfish.

2. Watch Trading Places. Go into a little reverie about how you would treat Tom if your situations were reversed, then in real life nudge Tom towards behaving like that. If/when that doesn’t work, consider an evil clandestine scheme for ruining his fortune. Also, look into obtaining a gorilla to help you out of tricky situations.

3. Read Edith Wharton’s The House of Mirth. The travails of Lily Bart may help you realise the folly of trying to keep up with people of significantly different means. Also, ‘Aunt Peniston’. Fnarrrr!

4. Give Tom a copy of Jane Austen’s Emma to show how twatty people are who let their wealth warp their relationships. Also that bloody novel is so horrifically nihilistic, enduring it will be a little punishment for him for making you unhappy.

Readers, can you go to the comments to offer Max some help that is more useful than mine/film and literature’s?

Also, do you think Tom is being a bit of a shitty friend by forcing Max to compromise all the time while never doing so himself? (Not to mention his ‘only a teacher’ twattery?)

Alternatively, is there a socialist paradise to which Max and Tom could relocate, thus erasing this inequality in an instant?

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hen problems

August 6, 2014 by

6a00e54ee7b6428833014e885e596f970d-800wi

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT294

As usual, weddings are festering piles of problems for our listeners. Mary from Doncaster writes:

I am chief bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding in September. It is the second wedding for them both so we’re all in our 40s (ish).

I have two young children and live a little way away so my friend has arranged for local friends to help organise the Hen Party. This was going really well and I was just left with the task of organising a few silly ideas for the night do, but now one of the party has started buying embarrassing dare games etc which really don’t suit our hen and will be quite embarrassing on the night.

Answer me this, how do I approach this friend and tell her to stop and leave the rest to me?!!

Er…don’t? With these things, it’s easier either to do the whole thing yourself, or stay out of it, and since logistics have steered you largely towards the latter, you can see how the local friends think the party is their domain.

Also, it is thoroughly occasion-appropriate for there to be at least one game to embarrass the hen. I mean, usually I wouldn’t voluntarily play the Mr and Mrs Game, but at my own hen party I understood that the gentle humiliation was all part of the ordealprocess. I’m not suggesting that the hen do ought to be some sort of emotional boot camp for the bride, but it is a ripe opportunity for normal form to be temporarily suspended. Penis-shaped straws, for instance: do you willingly drink through them at any other time? (“Yes Helen! Here at the urology department we refuse to imbibe through anything else.”)

Not convinced, Mary? Then collaboration rather than rivalry is the way to go. If you can’t meet up with the other organiser(s) face to face, have a fun phone chat where you can insinuate your concerns about the dare games, but suggest a suitable alternative with at least a dash of sauce. Even if you don’t want to, other members of the group may desire to make the most of this chance to kick back and forget their Proper Grown-Up Responsible Lives for one night.

But I admit I have never been a bridesmaid (whyyyyy, do all my friends hate me?) and I’m not much of a team player, so haven’t ever contended with this situation myself. Therefore I entreat you readers to deliver advice. Comments. Go. Now!

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How Graham are you?

August 6, 2014 by

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT294

Competition time, dears! Time to fight each other to the death do a fun little quiz!

Our favourite chat show host, Eurovision commentator and Father Ted guest star, Graham Norton, has written a new memoir, The Life And Loves of a He Devil, and as it’s all about love, it promises to be a pretty lively and delightful read.

It’s not out till 23rd October, but you – YOU! Little old you! Sweet, innocent you! – can win a free copy AND the chance to meet The Graham himself. Here’s how:

Step 1: Play the How Graham Are You? Quiz, which is right here.

Step 2: Share your score – call your loved ones, shout it at passersby, confess it to your priest, embroider it on a cross-stitch sampler – but also by sending an email entitled ‘I am Graham!’ to us at
answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Step 3: There is no Step 3. It’s just a two-step process. You are free to go outside and play.

Disappointingly, this is what I scored:

f5da53ff-5594-467c-9b6b-b47e5be9437f

Clearly I need to work on my Grahamness.

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A brief history of band T-shirts

August 5, 2014 by

s_club_party_t_shirts-rb643fcb77faa45a4a09e9334cfb3e2af_804gg_512

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT294

Thanks, Josh from Cambridge, New Zealand, for supplying a little book-learning:

Really enjoyed AMT294 and was intrigued by your segment on the first rock T shirts.

I thought you might be interested in the following timeline for the development of the rock T shirt, as we know it, as recorded by authors Amber Easby and Henry Oliver in their book The Art of the Band T-shirt (Simon & Schuster).

1956 Elvis Presley’s record company produces a shirt to promote four of his singles.

1964 The Beatles commemorate their US tour with a special T-shirt for fans.

1967 The Monkees produce T-shirts for their tours.

1970 The Allman Brothers make a T-shirt, not as merchandise but for family, band members and crew.

1971 Grateful Dead produce their tie-dye shirt – starting a 40-year tradition.

1973 Concert promoters produce a shirt for a festival, promoting three bands at once – The Allman Brothers, Grateful Dead and The Band.

1973 Promoters bring out a T-shirt for a Yes tour, and make $250,000 profit from them.

The T-shirt as merchandise is up and running!

Here’s a sweet gallery with people’s anecdotes about their band T-shirts; readers, which one do you treasure? I’ll come clean: I’ve never had one. But I do have a Pixies shopping bag.

PS For sweet AMT merch, visit our Cafepress store. My dad is a big fan of his AMT apron in yellow.

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what happened next?

August 1, 2014 by

Message in a Bottle

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT294

Even when questioneers are chronic oversharers, they leave us and you wanting more. Gemma from Manchester but living in Leeds writes:

I’ve been listening to a some of your old podcasts recently on my training runs. (One episode = 5k… It’s a great measurement!!) I would love to know some of the outcomes of the advice you give… So Helen and Olly answer me this, have you heard anything back off the following people:

The guy who found himself on a porn website and didn’t know how it happened?

The guy who was dating his first cousin (20 year age difference)?

The guy who found out he had slept with his wife’s sister when he was younger?

Cupcake Lady!!!

Alright, Cupcake Lady’s easy: we first heard from her in AMT271, then again in AMT272, and finally here, which suggested that though Office Nemesis was still up to her old tricks, Cupcake Lady had found it in herself no longer to condemn but to pity. Cupcake Lady has grown. Cupcake Lady’s psychological journey continues without us as travelling companions.

As for the rest: we only know as much about our questioneers as they tell us. We don’t know what’s going with Dave from Smethwick between calls. We can’t tell you what’s happened to Graham from Canada (we refer you to 2008-vintage episodes from answermethisstore.com to get your fix of Canada’s most inquisitive teen) because we haven’t heard from him in five years. Whither Matthew Seymour from Colchester and Robert from Dumfriesshire and Sarah from Gaytown? What happened in the love triange between Wade and Ana and Ned from Bath? How many more punctures has Jessii accrued?

So, if you’re one of the people about whom Gemma is curious, please go to the comments and divulge what happened next in your story. In fact, if we’ve ever answered one of your questions, let us know the outcome, for better or worse. Disclaimer: we accept no responsibility for having ruined your life.

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Thursday Listening Party

July 31, 2014 by

silent2

On the Thursdays which don’t involve new episodes of AMT, we crank up the spoken word audio and have a Thursday Listening Party.

Do you want to see/hear Martin the Sound Man talking about eggs? Of course you do! Here he is at this year’s Boring Conference – and would you believe, he drew all his slides himself? Yes. When you see them, you will easily believe that.

I know a lot of you are champing at the bit for The Bugle‘s sabbatical to end, so to keep you going, here’s brother mine Andy Zaltzman on The Comedian’s Comedian, being interviewed at length about his comedy by AMT jingle alum Stuart Goldsmith. Here’s the episode on Soundcloud, and if you’re a comedy fan you should do yourself a favour and subscribe to the podcast on iTunes.

Offering frank advice before Dan Savage was even born was Dr Mahinder Watsa, India’s 90-year-old sex columnist. This interview is well worth a read, and here he is on Outlook from the World Service (and if you can resist the episode entitled ‘My Father Was A Serial Killer’, you are made of stronger stuff than I).

Here’s a nice thing from BBC Radio 4: an episode of Word of Mouth all about messages in bottles.

If you’re into This American Life, you’ll probably want to peek behind the curtain and read this piece on how Ira Glass works.

What’s been oscillating your eardrums lately? Recommend shows in the comments!

Our various other gigs:

Catch up on AMT294 and the episodes preceding it.
AMT episodes 1-170 and the special AMT albums are all available for a piddling little price at answermethisstore.com, and if you buy any of them you’re bankrolling the podcast, for which we are extremely grateful. At this time of year, it’s a thoroughly good idea to treat yourself to the AMT Holiday – be whisked away to exotic climes for only £2.49.
Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. Set your alarm.
I host the monthly Sound Women podcast and am on Let’s Talk About Tech from BBC 5 Live.
Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train, The Global Lab and The Sound of the Ladies.

EPISODE 294 – eggy Michael Jackson

July 24, 2014 by

Shout out to you if you’re listening to Answer Me This! Episode 294 whilst ultra running! Shout out to you if you’re listening whilst participating in some other unusual activity! Shout out to you if you’re listening whilst sitting on your lazy arse! (We don’t want to alienate our core audience.)

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

On today’s slate:

10 Downing Streetview
Macunian capers
bowling shoes
streaming Number 1 singles
band t-shirts
band coffins
Marlon Brando
Bastille
The Grateful Dead
port
pole vault
penile sunburn
and
loom bands.

Plus: Olly’s recipe for romance involves half a bottle of ketchup; Helen wasted the opportunity to do a funny joke for the Google Streetview car; and Martin the Sound Man does a spot on impression of Jameela Jamil. No wonder the passport inspectors barely recognise him.

In today’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android or Windows gadgetry), we consider such novelties as revolving restaurants and hotels that make your late-night toilet trip into a terrifying mission.

It’s not a terrifying mission to build a website thanks to this week’s episode sponsors Squarespace.com, because you can use their easy drag-and-drop templates to spruce up your online empire. And when you do, enter the code Answer for 10% off their services for a whole year.

It’s very very easy to send us QUESTIONS, so do it: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our imaginary friend at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

As mentioned on today’s show, here we are at the Regent Street Apple Store, talking about our podcasting lives with Bugle producer Chris Skinner and Football Rambler Pete Donaldson. And here are our side project podcasts The Media Podcast, Sound Women and Brain Train.

If you feel like soundtracking your holiday with the AMT Holiday album, or the Commonwealth Games with the AMT Sports Day album, both are available now at answermethisstore.com, along with AMT1-170 if you’re really planning to go for it. After that AMTglut, you’ll surely still have an insatiable appetite for more, so please rejoin us on Thursday 7th August for AMT295.

Toodles!

Helen & Olly

••• AMT294 Child-Friendly Rating: 86%. No bawdy content; even a question about nude sunbathing remains innocent. There are two F-bombs, but face it, it’s hardly the first time your child has heard that profane word. •••

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father and son

July 22, 2014 by

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT293

Another listener has found herself in a sex pickle. Inger writes:

When my last relationship ended after two years, I decided to do some proper dating (following an acceptable period of “grief”, of course) and a few weeks into the dating life I found myself dating two men regularly at the same time. One of these men was around 25 years older than me and the other my own age, and as I am a honest person I told both men that I was dating the other.

After about 6 weeks I went to the older man’s house for dinner, and as I arrived he was still cooking (a fantastic three-course meal) so I wandered around in his house looking at pictures and trinkets he had in his shelves. I reached a shelf with photos of him and a little boy, I figured it was his son (whom I did not know about) and as I moved along the shelf the little boy grew older and to my horror I realized (about mid-shelf) that it was the other man I was dating.

I sat through the whole dinner knowing that I was dating his son as well and then came up with the fastest excuse to get me out of there. So, Helen and Olly, answer me this: what is the hell do I do now?

Firstly, Inger, check you’re not starring in a sitcom.

Secondly, find some other people to date and discard both of these men immediately. Unless you want your life to turn into an actual farce, you don’t want to keep seeing one of them in case the relationship becomes serious and you have to endure a hideous meeting-the-family scenario – and all the subsequent meetings with the family forever after. And really, would you be able to cavort sexually with either of them again without being beset by such thoughts as, “Hey, my other lover came out of those very nuts!” or, “That’s not as big as his dad’s”?

Don’t worry about them too much, they can comfort each other.

Readers, what would you do? Become celibate? Keep this set-up going? Sell your story to Chat magazine? Elaborate in the comments.

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Thursday Listening Party

July 17, 2014 by

On the Thursdays which don’t involve new episodes of AMT, we crank up the spoken word audio and have a Thursday Listening Party.

Now now, I did warn you last week that AMT294 won’t appear till Thursday 24th. Please don’t give me the puppy eyes… NOT THE PUPPY EYES! Look, here’s a picture of Martin the Sound Man enjoying his holiday on a lava field.
20140716-095554-35754912.jpg

Stuff to stuff into your earholes instead:

A couple of weeks ago, we gathered at the Regent Street Apple Store with Bugle producer Chris Skinner and Football Rambler Pete Donaldson to talk about our podcasting lives. Audio and video of the event is now available here.

Here’s a new episode of the Sound Women podcast, in which the first female DJ ever on Radio 1 (and still going strong there, 44 years on!) Annie Nightingale is an absolute bloody legend:

I popped up on last week’s Media Podcast*, with Newsbeat’s Alex Hudson and guest host Miranda Sawyer:

*And if you chipped in some cash to save the show, thanks! After a Kickstarter win, the show is galloping on for the next year.

Other audio for your attention:

Here’s a rather excellent documentary about Jeff Buckley‘s tour that brought him to London twenty years ago.

Fans of barbed wire are generally neglected by radio, but Radio 4 has thrown you a bone with ‘The Devil’s Rope’.

This week I discovered a cache of three-year-old Adam and Joe podcasts still lurking on my phone. God I miss those guys… Have any of you found a worthwhile substitute yet?

Our various other gigs:

Catch up on AMT293 and the episodes preceding it.
AMT episodes 1-170 and the special AMT albums are all available for a piddling little price at answermethisstore.com, and if you buy any of them you’re bankrolling the podcast, for which we are extremely grateful.
Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. Who needs sleep?
I host the monthly Sound Women podcast and am on Let’s Talk About Tech from BBC 5 Live.
Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train, The Global Lab and The Sound of the Ladies.

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