Technology is a bumlord

**To listen to Episode 25, click HERE **

Friends,

Some of you may have noticed that, in the past few days, this “website” hasn’t really been working “properly”.

This is due to our “friends” at the company who handle our mp3 files going a bit “renegade” and changing all the filenames of all the podcasts we’ve ever done, so none of our links are working.

We’ve been trying to fix it, and you should now be able to listen to our most recent episodes through this site by clicking on the players in the posts below. Everything should be back to “normal” soon.

Sorry.

p.s. If you subscribe to us on iTunes, you’ll see that it has also reacted to these changes in its own delightful manner, and in a fit of confusion will try to offer you ‘new’ versions of episodes you’ve already listened to. No need to panic - when episode 26 comes out it’ll automatically land in your iTunes as usual.

To sum up roughly how we feel about this situation, here is a picture of a horse having a piss:

EPISODE 25 - celebritits

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, pals!

Piss-drinking, incest, famous boobs - EPISODE 25 has got it all! Apart from class. But hopefully we can learn, eh?

In the AMT quarter-century celebration, your ears will be kept busy by:

deep fried mystery
Ronseal documentaries
marrying into your own family
Irn Bru vs. Urine
slapstick vs. torture
Guildford (hidden dangers of)
Biblical incest
peer pressure
Panorama
redundant Lisa Riley
and
Maury Povich.

Meanwhile, Olly contemplates becoming an internet porn magnate, Helen discovers that it’s far too dangerous to leave the sofa, and Martin the Human Beat Box gets shut down. It’s for his own good. Well, really it’s for all our goods.

Now, rather than writing to Dear Deirdre and running the risk of having your problem portrayed via the medium of busty ladies in their bras*, why not send YOUR questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave them WITH YOUR VOICE on Helen and Olly’s Question Line, 0208 123 5877?

*Either we’re squares who haven’t noticed that the rest of the world conduct all their important business wearing only bras and miniskirts, or those things aren’t entirely realistic.

See you next week, little buddies!

Love,

Helen and Olly

PS. Teen sensation Matt Parker, who has been a Friend of the Podcast right from the beginning, is rather precociously doing an hour-long comedy show as part of the Camden Fringe, despite the fact that he should probably be concentrating on his A-Levels or something. It’s on at 9pm on the 3rd and 4th of August at the Liberties bar in Camden and you should totally go: he has been variously described as ‘extremely funny‘ by comedy legend Arthur Smith and ‘tiny wunderkind‘ by the smashing Josie Long, and Helen saw him do stand-up a few weeks ago and agrees wholeheartedly with these assessments. The Answer Me This! team are even going on a field trip to see the show, despite the fact that Camden is ages away from Crystal Palace and on the last field trip Martin the Sound Man was sick on the Waltzers.

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The Secret Life of Exam Invigilators

* Click here to listen to EPISODE 24 *

Anna’s question “What is the worst job you have ever had to do?” from Episode 24 provided a searing insight into what it is to invigilate an exam; to wit:

I have just spent 8 hours staring at the backs of heads of eighty-two English literature students and not even been allowed to read or draw or anything and now I think I may have gone completely mad. I am NEVER EVER agreeing to invigilate exams again.

Well, Anna, if you do ever get sucked back into the world of pacing around an exam hall chiding cheats with a wooden ruler, take this advice from academic listener Miranda, who was compelled to provide us with more information as to how invigilators keep themselves amused:

There are a variety of games but my personal favourite is to before the exam starts agree a number of criteria (such as hottest person, most freaky looking person, person you’d most like to sleep with taking the exam etc) and then take it in turns when walking up and down the aisles and stand briefly by the person who fulfills each criteria. It’s so much fun - but makes it very difficult to keep a straight, serious grown up face and not laugh very loudly. So now you know.

So now we know!

EPISODE 24 - we’re luvinitluvinitluvinit

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, pals!

A mere 132 years after Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone, Helen and Olly have got with the programme and, thanks to the lovely people at Skype, installed the Answer Me This! Question Line. For the VERY FIRST TIME in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD, questioneers are posing their problems to Helen and Olly using their very own voices. If you simply can’t quite believe it, check the hell out of Episode 24, in which we’re mithering on about such subjects as:

nether-lands
Olly’s cheesy dreams
porny exams
happy birthday Tom Stoppard
summer lovin’
the Medium cup con
the voice of Katie Price
live sex shows
fibby fibby actors
camembert
Ready Steady Weep
Tower Hamlets Benefits Office
and
The Ollster.

Furthermore, Olly starts a crusade, Helen remembers her close brush with suicide, and Martin the Sound Man has a big chuckle. There’s sure to be more where that came from; so if YOU fancy putting a smile on the face of the nation’s favourite Sound Man (and lord knows he needs it), send YOUR questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave them WITH YOUR VOICE on 0208 123 5877. Such wild crazy times!

Love,
Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 23 - I liked it, Simon!

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Hello there, pals!

Before we proceed to the standard Episode 23 blather, here are some Exciting Bits of Answer Me This!-related news:

EXCITING BIT OF NEWS no.1: Helen and Olly* are guests on the July edition of JCast, the monthly podcast about Jewish news and arts and soforth produced by the Jewish Community Centre for London. If you want to listen to them get down with Their People and talk about such Jewy things as Barbra Streisand, Jewish humour and swingers, you can download it HERE.

*Sorry, Martin the Sound Man Fans - he wasn’t allowed to come because he’s a Goy.

EXCITING BIT OF NEWS no.2: As well as emailing us, you can now pose us questions via the all-new state-of-the-art Web 2.0 Answer Me This! Question Line! So if you’re crazy with unanswered questions but stranded without internet, just call 0208 123 5877 and pose questions with your Own Voice. For the tiny price of a local call, your mellow tones could be featured in a future episode! Which makes a nice change from our flapping voices.

EXCITING BIT OF NEWS no.3: watch out ladies, because Olly is rocking a particularly husky and sexy voice this week. Not because he’s trying to make Answer Me This! a tad more 0898, but because his usual booming baritone has been beset by a nasty case of man flu (Mann Flu?).

And here’s what’s coming out of our mouths this week:
costive pomegranate
no added sugar owl porn
the arbitrary judgement of Louis Walsh
Micra morals
fear of flying (not the rude book, the apprehension of plummeting from the sky whilst on a charter flight to Alicante)
and
Project Runway.

So if you fancy being part of such action in future episodes, like these smart kids did, email YOUR questions to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or phone 0208 123 5877 and let them all out.

Also if any of you are attending the Latitude Festival in Southwold this weekend, pop down to the Literary Arena or the theatre in the woods to catch Helen and Martin the Sound Man make a spectacle of themselves.

Until next week, bye!

Love,
Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 22 - I’m alright for Wix Wickens

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p, through a secure PayPal server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Howdy Doody, funsters!

Aside from it being, as always, Chico Time - it’s time for EPISODE 22 of Answer Me This! Quite Literally.

Some things you might Literally enjoy, enclosed within:

Sky News - the Musical
How to play ‘Bollocks!’
Jew bras
the Ann Summers warhead
In bed with Helen and Martin the Sound Man
raffling off Peter Sissons
the bias of Peter Cockroft
and
a cat called Muff.

It’s pretty strong stuff.

Furthermore, Olly’s Thoughtcrime has dreadful consequences (and not just his balding pate), Helen gets angry at panache-free anecdotes, and everyone gets excited by the prospect of Answer Me This! fan fiction. Indeed, if you are moved by priapic fervour to write a sordid behind-the-scenes tale of Olly and Martin the Sound Man’s clandestine manlove, email it to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, which is also where you should be slinging all your questions for future episodes of the podcast.

Until next week, when we have some Very Exciting News for you, toodle-pip!

Love,

Helen and Olly
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