EPISODE 34 - born special

Impatient? Listen to Episode 34 RIGHT NOW by clicking on this player!

Hello there, chums!

Dunno what you were doing last week, but Helen and Martin the Sound Man were stumbling through the set of a Major Motion Picture! Yes way! On their little trip to New York, they managed to walk through a shoot for the upcoming Sex and the City movie, and here is fuzzy pictorial evidence (click on it for a bigger, but no less fuzzy, version):

That’s right - celebrity chairs! Lordy, the reflected glamour.

However even more razzmatazzy than the backstage props of an almost-certainly-going-to-be-shit TV spinoff movie is Answer Me This EPISODE 34, as you can discover by clicking the player at the top of this post or downloading via one of these fellows:

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Celestial delights in Episode 34 include:

luxury chocolate biscuits
Fred Savage
Gunther from friends
Donkey Kong
busty Julia Roberts
busty Helen Mirren
olive oil
Olive Oyl
Blitz beers
fruit graffiti
and
Penzance.

Also Olly turns into Jamie Oliver, Helen turns into T.S. Eliot, and Martin the Sound Man turns into late-90s Chris Evans with similarly deleterious results.

Now, we know there are still plenty mysteries in the world for us to solve, so help us out by sending some of the ones that are particularly vexing you to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave them in voice-message form on Helen and Olly’s Question Line 0208 123 5877. Just like these lovely lads and ladies did! There’s nothing sinister about it, unlike joining the Moonies or hanging around your local branch of Iceland all day, hoping for a glimpse of Kerry Katona.

Until next week, bye!

Love,

Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 33 - babies with beards

If you’re too busy and important to wade through this load of blather before listening to EPISODE 33, just click on this player you funhater:

Oy listeners, cop a load of this:

Yeah, that’s right, suckers! It’s a baby! With a beard! You want more bearded babies? HERE are more, you pervy freaks! And if you’re wondering why we’re all het up about bearded babies rather than getting on with EPISODE 33, here is a SPOILER ALERT:

Martin the Sound Man
was
born
with
a
BEARD!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t believe us? Here’s proof! This is a picture of Martin today:

and here’s one of him as a newborn baby:

What a special fellow.

Anyway, to business: if you are now sufficiently keyed up by all this bearded baby palaver to want to listen to Episode 33, click the player at the top of the post, or if iTunes has stopped being such a silly billy, or download it for safe-keeping via one of these chaps:

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Cluttering up the place this week are such topics as:

clitoris/nose confusion
geriatric Jenga
From Dusk Till Dawn
bridge
the perils of cycling
Alf the Alien
the fifth floor at Olly’s work
cottaging in the Trocadero centre
burglarizing vs. burgling
and
Olly’s career as a child actor.

It’s also quite a musical episode, as Olly wreaks something wonderful out of a boring Anglo-Saxon poem and Martin shows off his jazzy talents. Helen also had a crack at that song about castles and crap that the little girl sings in Les Miserables, but we edited that bit out, encased the tape in concrete and dropped it into the North Sea. It’s in all our best interests.

Meanwhile, if you’d like to keep Answer Me This! ticking over nicely, please don’t hesitate to send in YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes by leaving them in your most seductive voice on Helen and Olly’s Question Line 0208 123 5877, or emailing them in your sauciest font to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. That would make us giddy with delight, which is what we all want, no?

Until next week, bye!

Love,
Helen and Olly

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Oh iTunes, what did we ever do to you?

It has come to our attention that iTunes is behaving like what is known in the trade as a Big Sweaty Bitch, by shirking its duties and neither displaying nor downloading our beloved Episode 32. It’s not the first time that technology has tried to withhold the Answer Me This! goodies, but at least this time it has only partially stymied us, for even while iTunes is you can still get your Episode 32 kicks by downloading it HERE or clicking on this player:

or pressing your ear into a conch shell you found on the beach (provided it is a conch shell equipped with wireless internet).

EPISODE 32 - like Dead Poets’ Society, but with porn

Hello there, palominos!

According to Jonathan Keats, we’re smack in the middle of the Season Of Mists and Mellow Fruitfulness, Close-Bosom [tee hee!] Friend of the Maturing Sun…

However, he died in 1821, 186 years before EPISODE 32 of Answer Me This! - so you can only imagine how much more peppy ‘To Autumn’ could have been if only he’d had a bit more foresight.

So if you don’t want to be caught out like Keats, click on the player above, and get your ears around this week’s glorious dispatch of Answer Me This! goodness.

Or have some downloady fun with us:
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Amongst the topics ripening in our fruitbowl this week…

desecrating the queen
bilious frogs
dental nightmares
the Honeyz
creepy old Subway
plebby jalapenos
lovely lady lumps
Mystic Meg’s boobs
Olly’s gammy toe
and
Helena Handcart.

See? Helen and Olly rush in where Romantic Poets fear to tread!

What’s more, Helen reveals herself a secret tabloid-reading hypocrite, Olly describes his fantasy life as a gladiator, and everyone worships at the altar of Jonathan Cainer’s incredible metaphors. How does the man do it?

As we’re sure Mr Cainer’s research will support, ’tis written in your stars that you should send in YOUR QUESTIONS for future episodes of Answer Me This! by leaving them in voice-message form on Helen and Olly’s Question Line 0208 123 5877, or emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And who are you to disobey the stars, eh? You really don’t want to get on the wrong side of them.

Until next week, bye!

Love,
Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 31 - the bad touch

Well shiver me timbers if it ain’t time for EPISODE 31 of Answer Me This! kids! Actually no timber-shivering is currently required - which is lucky, because last time any of that kind of stuff went down, Martin the Sound Man was picking splinters out of his backside through the whole of Lent - because it very much IS time for Episode 31. And if you don’t believe us you should click on this player:

And if you think that smells of a cover-up, try downloading it thuslywise:

MP3//RSS

And if you are still being a big cynicalpants, we have got a rock-solid alibi thanks to iTunes:

Topics lying in wait this week include:

cucumber contraception
plantar fasciitis
girls dressed as cats
bulk order of sanitary towels
the way to a lady’s heart
Denon hi-fis
ranting
the evils of Comet
and
the Times swimsuit supplement.

And as usual Olly says a thing, Helen says some stuff and Martin garbles like a man drowning in a tankful of Bovril - but MUCH MORE EXCITINGLY there is a mighty fine bit of listener-generated content which not only puts our usual shit to shame but also FINALLY lays to rest the Bremen debate from Episode 16. Thanks ever so much, questioneer Benjamin Partridge, for solving your own question with such dazzling aplomb.

Anyway, if you fancy sending us a QUESTION that you might end up answering yourself in four months’ time, leave it with your voice on the Answer Me This! Question Line 0208 123 5877 or email it to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. That would be quite a delight for us, really it would.

Until next week, bye!

Love,

Helen and Olly

Add this episode to:
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Facebook Fanclub//Answer Me This! Podcast Superstore//YouTube Channel