EPISODE 47 - cock on toast

Hello there, dear people!

We fervently hope none of you were squished in the earthquake that shook the UK the other night. And that your favourite mug didn’t fall off the shelf or anything. We were very touched to receive the following email from Matthew in New Jersey, USA:

I’ve just seen on BBC there was an earthquake in UK. Helen and Olly and Martin the Soundman answer me this: ARE YOU OKAY?! I will refresh my itunes constantly as I nervously await your reply.

Bless you, Matthew. Although we were very confused when the sofa started trembling beneath us, all three of us are fine, and hence in fine fettle to bring you Answer Me This! Episode 47:

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Shaking our foundations this week are such topics as:

Absolute Balderdash
the real Cliff Richard
sharia law
Connect 4
Dr Ruth
Sylvester Stallone vs. Sylvester Stallone
Jesus vs. The Colonel
Lauren Bacall and Kathleen Turner vs. the ageing process
bucks vs. books
Aretha Franklin’s boobs
and
Bostonian trends of the 19th century.

Furthermore, Olly gets browned off, Helen gets dirty, and Martin the Sound Man gives the lowdown on the new Mariah Carey album.

As we’re still rather behind in answering all the lovely QUESTIONS you’ve been sending us, we’ll be responding to some of them on this very website in the coming days and weeks. But do not be deterred from sending us yet more! You can call our Question Line 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and consider it Doing Your Bit.

‘Til next week, bye!

Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 46 - do you know what a goth looks like?

Howdy, pals! We trust you are well. No? Well, why the hell not?? Pah and calumny, we were starry-eyed fools to trust you…

We’re fine and dandy, thanks for asking. We put it down to a diet rich in kiwi fruit and fried breakfasts; and, of course, to the vitamin-enriched goodness of Answer Me This! Episode 46. It’ll give you strong teeth and bones, glossy pelt, and lustrous innards, but only if you play it RIGHT NOW through this player:

Or download it to listen to RIGHT LATER:

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Like the dried fruity bits of a healthy serving of muesli, Episode 46 is enlivened by such topics as:

Keith Chegwin
Combat 18
Meat Loaf
stripy cardigans
Jonathan Ross
Rich Tea biscuits
Disneyland
Terry Pratchett’s Mort - adult version
acupuncture vs. voodoo
Poirot vs. battery hens
Weepy Fearnley-Whittingstall
and
Eric Morecambe.

Meanwhile, Olly fails to express his dark side, some of Helen’s cheapskate beauty tips backfire all over one teenage listener’s face, and Martin the Sound Man leaves off the sodding beatboxing just long enough to bust out his latest lovely little bit of song. (And if you like that, you should have a listen to his monthly musical podcast via his website.)

Now, even more than we enjoy potato waffles - which we enjoy a heck of a lot - we enjoy receiving YOUR QUESTIONS. We’re still a bit behind in answering a lot of them, but nevertheless we can’t help ourselves wanting MORE. So please send yours to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype ID answermethis). Together, we can crack the fundamental mysteries of life! Or at least think about them for a few moments before accidentally saying something vulgar about bottoms instead.

Until next week, bye-bye!

Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 45 - tears contain urea

Happy Valentine’s Day, listeners! We are, as per usual, feeling approximately as romantical as a potato waffle; but our former-English-student brains are pleased to discover that the whole thing was made up by Chaucer anyway. What a merry prankster. Those medieval poets were the Punk’d of their day.

Anyway, ain’t no trick to say that Episode 45 of Answer Me This! is waiting in its corsage and best frock for you to take it out for a spin, so don’t keep it waiting - click on the player:

Or show it some love by downloading:

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And cluttering up the place like a three-feet-high teddy bear holding a loveheart are topics including:

crocodile tears
cut-price chocolate
the Norman Conquest
the secret lives of Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott
this fool
scampi’n'lemon Nik Naks
Jimmy Nail
Pudding Norton
jewfros
Judy Garland vs. Eva Cassidy
and
halitosis.

Plus, Helen reveals her youthful experiments with acid, Olly warns of his German singing doppelganger, and poor old Martin the Sound Man’s got a bad back. So, if any of you know a good osteopath, then hurry up and get in touch by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or calling our Question Line 0208 123 5877 (Skype ID answermethis). Which are also the appropriate means via which to send YOUR QUESTIONS, even if you haven’t got any information to impart about backs, bad, Sexy or otherwise.

Until next week, bye!

Helen and Olly

PS.If you’re keen to hear a bit more from Olly this week, and see his face at the same time, then be sure to catch him on Sky News at 7.30pm on Tuesday 19th February.

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EPISODE 44 - penguin mania is sweeping the nation

Well, listeners. It’s taken forty-four episodes, but it’s finally happened. What do you mean, what do we mean? Not us finally infiltrating the UK iTunes Top 10 (although that has happened!); not us at last giving our views on estate agents (although that has happened too!); but Martin the Sound Man getting his own podcast. Fortunately it’s not an Answer Me This! spin-off in which he only fields questions about physics or microphones, but a monthly showcase for the pretty music he makes in his spare time as one-man band The Sound of the Ladies. Download it via www.thesoundoftheladies.com, or subscribe via iTunes.

But fear not, Martin the Sound Fans: despite having gone a bit Artsy he’s still gracing Answer Me This!, as you will see if you listen to EPISODE 44 via this player:

Or even if you download it:
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This week we’re getting all talky about such topics as:

the Nokia theme
battle-dress
wanky house-floggers Foxtons
exam technique
historical lies
Miss Marple
ex-council properties
burglars’ bowels
Podwatch
St Albans
and
Toys’R'Us.

Furthermore, Olly sheds light on Ladies’ Times Of The Month; Helen regrets her wasted youth; and Martin gets very very excited about the Francesinha sandwich. (Seriously, they taste much better than that particular combination of ingredients should allow.)

If YOU’VE got questions for us to answer in future episodes, call up our Question Line on 0208 123 5877, Skype us on answermethis, or email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Apologies to anyone who has indeed done this yet is angrily awaiting a response; we’ve got a bit of a question backlog at the moment, but that doesn’t stop us wanting more. More! MORE!!!!!*

See you next week, cuties!

Helen and Olly

* If YOU in fact want a bit more Helen this week, you can watch her giving her views about things and stuff on Sky News tonight at 7.30pm, or listen to her in Radio 4’s Transatlantic with Rory Bremner and Andy Zaltzman (no relation).

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