You’ll be relieved to hear that according to (not very respected) scientists, January 23rd was officially the most depressing day of 2012 – which means it’s onwards and upwards from here! Hooray. We’re not sure where Answer Me This! Episode 202 fits on that graph, but here you go anyway:

Today we consider:

novelty flavoured Coke
presumptuous Baptists
St Patrick’n'St Bridget
Britney’n'Kevin
Teddy Boys
oshiburi
the Elgin Marbles
Andy McNab
white tie and tails
the stork
Jack Nicholson
and
@.

Plus: Olly is a staunch traditionalist when it comes to marriage (despite being, at the same time, staunchly anti-marriage); Helen guesses what Andy McNab’s mysterious face really looks like; and Martin the Sound Man mounts an impassioned defence of the underscore.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) finds Olly SHOCKED and APPALLED by his beloved Disney, because he discovered Mickey Mouse is a secret smoker. Call the tabloids!

Once you’ve done that, please call/email/Skype us, with your QUESTIONS: answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; Question Line 0208 123 5877; Skype answermethis. You must know what to do by now.

If you’re also inclined to send us something more substantial than a question, our postal address is:
Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

And if you’re free next Tuesday evening, please come along to this! Otherwise, we’ll see you back here next Thursday, as ever.

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT201 •••

Don’t be fooled – this question from Ciaran in Liverpool is new, not from the mid-late 1990s:

My band is supporting Babybird next month (2nd February at the Liverpool O2).

Answer me this: do Babybird have any songs other than ‘You’re Gorgeous’?

Don’t say that to Stephen ‘Not at all like a baby nor a bird’ Jones himself on the 2nd, Ciaran; he’ll spit feathers! Especially as he was famously(ish) prolific, having churned out four albums in a year before ‘You’re Gorgeous’ made him into a slightly-more-than-one-hit wonder. How could you forget the follow-up single ‘Candy Girl’?

Or that single off the next album, which happens to be one of Olly’s all-time favourite songs?

Or that recent one where Johnny Depp directed the video?

To be fair to you, Ciaran, almost everyone forgot them. Probably even Stephen Jones forgot them. Let us know how the gig goes, and whether he just plays ‘You’re Gorgeous’ ten times to give the crowd what they want.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

You sure can read a lot into those curved wine bottle bottoms. After last week’s speculation upon their reason/purpose, Dan tells us:

I have a sommelier mate, and according to her the curve in the bottom of the bottle is to help keep sediment in the bottom of the bottle.

It certainly sounds plausible. Meanwhile, nobody has been in touch to refute my assertion that a flat bottle bottom is as reliable an indicator of a rubbish wine as a picture of a high heeled shoe on the label.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Welcome to Answer Me This! Episode 201: the first episode of the year, and the first since the podcast turned five years old. Helen’s niece Matilda turned five the other day too; she celebrated by eating a plate of spaghetti with her hands, and we’re only moderately more civilised:

Wherein we consider:

cake pops
Al Capone
moon plots
The Gun Seller (or should we say Le Gun Seller?)
pease pudding
Catch-22
Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie
supermarket trolleys
Ready Steady Cook
pushy parents
the North Wales Police
and
Anthony Worrall Thompson.

Plus: Olly harks back to when he won an election – he claims democratically, but then so did Putin; one day, Helen dreamed a dream of becoming Brian Turner, but never did it come to pass; and after twelve and a half years in the dark, Martin the Sound Man finally hears the sad news that the Two Fat Ladies will not be returning to his television screen.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) concerns the only thing we don’t like about Mexican restaurants: the unwelcome phenomenon we like to call ‘Guac Tax’.

Well, that’s the new series begun, but please help us make it an absolute corker by sending us your exquisitely finely-honed QUESTIONS, as emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).

And although our birthday has passed, we’re stuck with the PO Box for another four months, so do please send us a token of esteem if you are so moved:

Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

Also, if you want to be moved to tears of derision like John, the final caller in the episode, scroll down to the bottom of this post to see the pictures of our parents (oh alright, Olly’s lovely mum).

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

There is not an actual mantelpiece in the AMT Cabinet Office, but thanks to you guys, our mantelpiece-substitute is bristling with cards:

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

So you’ve already seen the user-generated sugar mountain; now take a look at these items which Team AMT lovingly handcrafted.

Next up: cards!

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

In the spirit of you supplying us with questions upon which to deliberate in each podcast, you have been so kind as to send us all sorts of treats with which to celebrate our fifth birthday. Take a look at the first batch of user-generated bounty we found in our PO Box, and we will share more over the next few days.

When I say ‘share’, I’m sorry to say we won’t literally be sharing them, because they are piled high on the AMT Towers banqueting table and you’ll have to fight the three of us to get any.

Here are some excerpts of the sweet messages which accompanied the ultra-sweet gifts:

Don from St Paul, Minnesota [figs 1&2]: Please find an assortment of American candies and sweets. I hope you enjoy them as I have enjoyed your sweet, sweet podcast… I included the nut goodies as they are made in my hometown of St Paul, and I drive by the factory every day to and from work. I hope you like peanuts. Remember, they are a good source of protein.
Protein! Healthy! Our new Nut Goodies addiction is healthy, phew. (Lordy, those things are tasty. Well done, St Paul.)

Lofty from Manor House [fig 3]: I thought that as for the last four and a half years (I missed the first six months and listen retrospectively) you have filled my Thursday evening gym session with fun, laughter and knowledge, I would fill your bellies with crisps and snacks!
Seems a fair exchange – our podcast is snack-for-the-brain. IE not nutritious and no replacement for a proper wholesome meal.

Kate from Newcastle upon Tyne [fig 4]: I realise that you might be slightly wary of food sent to you by strangers, and quite right too, but I hope it is of some comfort that I can boast a Level 2 NVQ in Food Hygiene and a rigorous understanding of the Food Standards Agency guidelines. Basically, I’m saying there aren’t any bogeys in them.
This seemed to be the case; so if you would like to buy someone a yummy gift of cute animal heads on sticks, you would do well to hie over to cakepoppins.co.uk.

Moz from Milton Keynes [fig 5]: Thankyou for making these five years a little bit more bearable.
It is our pleasure – nay, our duty! Really, we should be thanking Moz, for being one of the handful of brave souls who have managed to stick with the podcast from its timid Bambi-steps back in 2007.

Duane from Boulder, Colorado [fig 6]: I thought about including sweets more appropriate to Boulder – a town known in the US as “crunchy” – such as carob-covered tofu drops of jellied seaweed.
NAAAAH!
You get the good stuff in exchange for the great stuff you put in my iPod.
Duane evidently hasn’t yet discovered the jellied seaweed drops we secreted in his iPod, has he?

Hikma from Brooklyn, New York City [fig 7]: Congrats and thanks for 200 great shows (give or take).
The banana Laffy Taffy from Hikma has jokes on the wrapper (hence ‘laffy’), here you go:
- Knock knock.
- Who’s there?
- Max.
- Max who?
- Max no difference, just open the door please.

And with laughter ringing in our ears, we’re off to have a lie-down. We can feel the sugar crash about to dive-bomb; plus, we need to call the dentist.

Coming up tomorrow: some of the fantastic home-made gifts you have sent us.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

• In our regular slot on BBC 5 Live’s Saturday Edition, we ran through the highlights of 2011 online with Chris Warburton. In the unlikely event you did not spend New Year’s Eve nestled up to your radio listening to it, you may instead click here to download the podcast.
• We joined John Plunkett, Vicky Frost and Dan Sabbagh to contemplate the year in media on Guardian Media Talk, which you can download here.
• And we considered what we managed to learn in 2011 on MacAulay and Co on BBC Radio Scotland, which until the morning of Friday 6th January you can hear here. We and comedian Chris Ramsey pipe up from the 59-minute mark.

Lest that is insufficient noise to divert you until our return on 19th January, you might click here to catch up on our latest podcasts, and if you are still not sated, click here to buy AMT2007-2008 for 79p a shot.

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

It has been a pleasure to have you join us over the years, and especial thanks go to all of you generous lot who have been filling our Big Birthday Box with cards and treats. We’ll be posting a gallery of those from tomorrow, but it’s still not too late to send us a missive (we’ll be milking this birthday for WEEKS if we can get away with it, as any self-respecting 5-year-old should). Here’s our postal address:

Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

*Although if you think you do want to do that, it will only cost you £0.79.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Wherein we revisit such golden moments as:

Jon Ronson’s breakfast with Pocahontas
butternut squash
Tate & Lyle’s decomposing lion
Lulu
Going for Gold
‘Imagine’
the theme from Requiem for a Dream
claret jugs
character M&Ms
Martin’s wedding pants
the Fat Controller’s wife
Owl City
Reg Grundy nepotism
staplenuts
Avril Lavigne fans
Anna Paquin
and
sexy Jews.

Plus some more Previously Unheard Bits from the bin.

Help us concoct more podcast for you to hear in 2012 by sending us your QUESTIONS: fill our inbox by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and deluge our Question Line with voicemails (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).

And you can also fill our big empty box – our PO Box, what did you think we meant? – with some 5th birthday goodies:

Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

We’ll be back with episode 201 on January 19th 2012, so it merely remains for us to wish you all a very happy Christmas/atheist substitute and New Year, and to thank you very sincerely for listening to us in 2011.

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Here’s a jolly old question from Pete in Devon:

My favourite jingle starts ‘I’m an Answer Me This! fan, I listen with my nan’.

Perhaps you have had an encounter with someone you held in high esteem that was everything you expected it would be or was a crushing disappointment.

Well, if you should happen to meet Olly – perhaps browsing in John Lewis, or in the jacuzzi at a spa, or queuing at the local courthouse to contest a parking ticket – you definitely would not be disappointed (unless you have completely unrealistic expectations. He’s not really gold-plated, you know).

However, in all other cases, I counsel that you steer clear of these encounters. Even in the cases where your hero turns out to be just as delightful as you had hoped, you cannot escape the inequality of your situation: you know them, but they do not know you, and your only common ground for chitchat is how much you love them. This subject, by the way, will make for an awkward one-sided blithering conversation, which will make you cringe forever after – unless, of course, your celebrity crush is in fact very vain and adores talking about how amazing they are. In which case you might be able to indulge in a lengthy discourse, but it will result in the second scenario: disappointment, as you discover all too plainly that your idol is an arrogant twat.

So, in either case, you’re better off keeping your mental image of the person and not tarnishing it with horrible old reality. Our next questioneer Sophie did learn the hard way:

I recently went to a book signing, where I just quickly mumbled a question at Jarvis Cocker’s face. I now have a signed copy of his book, and a horrifically embarrassing memory to cherish.

To avoid such instances in the future, I was just wondering what is the correct etiquette for book signing events?

As aforementioned, there is no overcoming the fact that your relationship is unequal, and regardless of which well-chosen bon mots you deploy, you’re not going to emerge from the brief encounter as Jarvis Cocker’s new best friend. To minimise the awkwardness, prior preparation is essential: decide on ONE thing to praise out of Jarvis Cocker’s achievements – perhaps one of the less obvious highlights of his oeuvre? – and maybe throw in a compliment about his tie or suchlike. Give him a little guidance about what to inscribe in your book. Then LEAVE. Your dignity will thank you for eternity if you’re the one who breaks off the meeting (because you yourself are BUSY and IMPORTANT, and the world doesn’t stop turning just so everyone can worship you, JARVIS).

We will all be entertained if you, reader, would deign to share in the comments the tales of when you did not observe these guidelines and found yourself somewhere on the scale between mortified and slapped with a restraining order.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

Andrew from Doncaster has a quandary about what to do in nine days’ time:

Last night I had a discussion with my other half about arrangements for New Year’s Eve, the problem being that he works in a pub and will be at work, and he wants me to sit and wait while he finishes, probably around 3am.

I can’t stand New Year’s Eve! So, answer me this: do I just go along with what he wants, so ending up bored and drunk sat waiting while he serves his customers, or do I just say that I will pick him up when he is finished?

The latter. If you go to his pub for the evening, he will be busy and ignoring you, while you prop up the bar with your simmering resentment.

But readers, what would YOU do? And, moreover, what WILL you be doing for New Year’s Eve? Climbing Sydney Harbour Bridge wearing a sequinned jumpsuit? Popping two Valium and sleeping right through it? Sitting in a prayer circle with your Mayan friends welcoming the end times? Let us know in the comments!

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

A few days ago we told you about Jason’s charity Christmas single, and as it turns out, another AMT listener is trying to raise funds with a song. Says Pete from Somerset:

A boy, Dave Hart, at my college recently committed suicide.

In memorial of him the “Do it For Dave” campaign was launched. His brother Steve Hart launched a song written by Dave for his GCSE music project, hoping to get it into the UK top 100. The song is titled “Home” and all profits are going to Papyrus UK, a charity that supports families of teenage suicides and also helps raise awareness in the hope that tragedies like this can become few and far between. The song is only 69p and will go towards a great cause. It is available on Amazon and iTunes.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

Plenty has happened here at Answer Me This! too, so take a jaunt with us into the vale of the recent past: here is The Best of AMT2011, part 1.

What a lot we learnt this year! About such things as:

space tourism
coloured bathroom suites
William’n'Dorothy Wordsworth
celebrity cock-shots
ornamental jellyfish
The Apprentice
Dodgy
‘Like a G6′
Dane Bowers’n'Jordan’s sex tape
John Travolta’s face vs. Nicolas Cage’s face
glass slippers
impulse bags
fake tan
undone flies
Saturday Toilet
Olly’s lost night of Chico
doll hospital
phallic salad
phallic statues
phallic celebrity waxworks
phallic phalluses
and
Adult Milkybar.

There’s plenty more to come next week; but if you want plenty more AMT next year, then send us your QUESTIONS: deliver emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).

We have to say a huge thanks to everybody who has sent us something to celebrate our impending 5th birthday – we’ve already received many glorious cards, some rather exciting little presents, and enough sugary treats to push us over to the wrong side the Type 2 Diabetes fence! If you want to propel us into hyperglycaemic hyperdrive, or you want to show off your best penmanship, please dispatch a missive to:

Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

Thankyou for delighting us by post, listeners. You really are a tiptop bunch.

See you next Thursday, for the Best of AMT2011 part 2!

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Young people today, they’re such hedonists! Check out the laaaaaaarge life of 22-year-old Chris from Basingstoke:

The Magic Faraway Tree is my favourite childhood book.

I mentioned this to my girlfriend (now fiancée) Sarah and I discovered that The Magic Faraway Tree was also her favourite childhood book! We spent all night talking about our love for all things Enid Blyton. One thing led to another… and I ended up reading it to her before we went to sleep that very night.

So answer me this: is it weird for two adults to read children’s bedtime stories to each other before bed?

Yep. Perverts.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

Here’s a complex 21st-century problem from Steve:

My oldest and dearest friend is a lady who(m) likes ladies. In fact, she likes a specific lady, and has for several years now – to the point that they have been planning children together for a while. It has been my pleasure to watch them get together and grow as a couple. For me, the warmth, generosity and acceptance they demonstrate is the epitome of a loving relationship, and something I have emulated since. Ever since they got together it’s struck me as unfair that they were unable to pursue the opportunities that other couples have been able to pursue, simply because they were hetero, such as marriage and a family.

Here is my question: in the above sentence, should I have used the pronoun “who” or “whom”? Also, is it unreasonable for me to expect my lass to see the situation as I do, and how might I help her understand that my feelings about my friend’s family bares no relation to whatever family we might have?

1) ‘Who’, of course, as it is the subject of the verb in that construction.

2) The child whose life you enabled is shortly to enter this world, and there’s nothing your girlfriend can do to stop it, short of infanticide. We cannot condone infanticide, so she has two legal choices: reconcile herself to the situation, or jump ship.

Readers, have you any ideas how she might go about reconciling herself, or how Steve can assure her that she is his number 1 lady and that their potential children will certainly survive having a half-sibling? Pray, go to the comments to help him out.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

Wedding bells are ringing on three continents for Jo:

I’m an American living in Barcelona, teaching English, and next summer I’ll be marrying my Irish boyfriend. As most of my family live in Brazil or the States, we thought it would be a nice treat to have the wedding in Ireland to give people an excuse to travel and get to see a bit of this side of the world.

Would it be in poor taste to ask people to travel halfway across the world to attend a casual wedding? Would either of you be annoyed if you flew to Brazil or California to a friend’s wedding only to find that you were only getting beans and rice or a burger for dinner?

Hells no! We’d assume we were being treated to ‘local colour’; even if we’d flown ten hours to be greeted by a buffet of frozen pizza, we’d suppose that to be the Uzbek wedding custom. What’s more, with a headful of jetlag we’d far prefer a simple knees-up to a debutante ball.

‘Poor taste’ doesn’t even come into it! Remember: the wedding is foremost for you and your husband-elect. Furthermore, you’re not forcing people to cross an ocean for the wedding; they are choosing to do so. Make it clear to them that they should expect a relaxed celebration, and they can decide for themselves whether or not that is worth their journey. From what we understand, a large proportion of Americans are in fact eager to rediscover the Irish roots they have decided they possess, so your family might even be using your nuptuals as an excuse for a genealogy field trip.

Throw the wedding you want, but make everybody happy by amping up the Irishness. As a safety net, force-feed everybody so much Guinness that they can’t even remember that you didn’t lay on a banquet of stuffed peacock and ruddy sugared almonds.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

One question on last week’s episode struck a chord with Sam from Norfolk:

I am in almost exactly the same position as Matthew from the Wirral; I was with someone for 4 1/2 years, until she dumped me for another bloke in February of this year.

I just wanted to show some solidarity with Matthew and perhaps gain some advice.

What more advice do you need, Sam, beyond Martin’s mum’s reverberating exhortation to “tell the drunken bitch where to go!”?

Unless you do feel genuinely friendly towards the infidel (and only friendly, with absolutely no traces of romantic yearning remaining), why bother? Meet up with some better friends over Christmas, ones who definitely didn’t want to be your friends just to assuage their guilt over ditching you for another chap.

Besides, all the successful ex-couples-who-are-now-friends of my acquaintance became so after a year or more of non-contact following the split; so if you really do want to be bezzie mates in the future, you’d do well this Christmas to barricade your door, screen your calls and do not listen to any Mud. Even though it is one of the best Christmas songs of all time.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

Yeah! We’re celebrating big-style, because against all our expectations (and common sense), we bloody well made it to Answer Me This! Episode 200. As befits such a landmark, today’s podcast is a bumper edition, featuring some of our favourite people in the world. Hear:

On the agenda of this special edition are subjects including:

World of Warcraft
bro code
Toadie from Neighbours
glühwein
giant peppermills
Dean Martin: boob man
La Roux: lazy
Pamela Anderson
the Beavis and Butthead reboot
A Child Called It
AMTfans vs. puberty
paramedic studies vs. media studies
Lassie vs. Bagpuss
Olly’s junior business cards
Switzerland 4eva
Armand Assante
Cadbury’s Chocolate Eclairs
Malibu’n'barbecue sauce
The Three Musketeers panto
and
hot tubs.

Plus: Olly measures himself on the Frasier yardstick; Helen impeded her mother’s career (look, she never ASKED to be born, OK?); and at last we discover multitalented Martin the Sound Man’s weak spot – deficiency at Warhammer.

This week there’s an especially Big Bit of Crap on the App, wherein we learn: how to make a fake G&T; where dolls store their Christmas decorations; at what age you should not accept gifts of pants from your mother; what the hell DFS stands for; the benefits of child labour for a wedding reception; finding love at the kosher butcher’s; the perils of a brown rice diet; and seeing the PG Tips chimps live.

The app is available for iDevices or Android, but on this occasion, the Bonus Bit is available to all of you, smartphone or not; click here to download the MP3, or play this player:

There’s more! If you require some borderline-horrific visuals to accompany this episode, check out the Gallery of Munt.

We couldn’t have made it to 200 episodes without the affection and support of you listeners, so please give yourselves a pat on the back from us, especially if you are one of the legion who supplied us with QUESTIONS. If you aren’t, what are you waiting for? Send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).

We’ll be back next week with the Best of AMT2011, part 1,

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

Enter, if you dare, the Gallery of Munt!

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

this is a misprint, they meant 'pie'

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT199 •••

AMT198‘s debate continues over what exactly qualifies a combination of carbohydrate and filling to be called ‘pie’. Robert from Bedford:

According to my old cookery teacher when I was 9-11 years old, a pie has a wet/moist filling and a pastry has a dry/non-runny filling.

I continue to be unenlightened. David complicates matters still further:

Just listened to your latest missive, and thought I would chip in with a definition of a pie. I fully agree with Rule 3 of the British Pie Awards:

And don’t get me started on the standards imposed by the Cornish Pasty Association…

Oh, we won’t. We know that wars have been fought over the laws which govern Cornish Pasties.

ADDENDUM: when recording AMT200, Martin’s mum told us this interesting Pie Fact: that during the Second World War, fat was rationed so pie-lovers couldn’t make pastry. In its stead, they topped their pies with root vegetables, and in certain pies this habit stuck. Necessity is the mother of invention, as ever.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

After last week’s discussion of dogs in church, listener Jennifer sent us a picture of the annual blessing of the animals at the Cathedral of St John the Divine in NYC on the feast of St Francis of Assisi:

And St Francis looks down from upon high and thinks, “Hmm…this wasn’t entirely what I expected.”

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Here at AMT, we are suckers for a Christmas song. A Christmas song that raises money for charity? Even better. A Christmas song that raises money and was composed by one of our listeners? JACKPOT! So apply yourselves to this email from Jason Noble:

As an avid listener of your cracking podcast, I would be massively grateful if you could help me. I am an albino and registered blind. I have recently graduated from Brighton Institute of Modern Music where I completed a course in songwriting. For my dissertation, I decided to write, record and release a charity single called ‘Be Mine This Christmas’ and because of my disability, I chose to support the Royal National Institute of Blind People (RNIB). Secondly, to raise money for a great cause, I wanted to write a song specifically about Christmas to reignite the nostalgic feelings from Christmas song of my childhood, instead of adding to the mundane releases from tv shows etc.

The single is released on the 18th of December and all the proceeds are going to the RNIB. It is available on iTunes, 7 Digital, HMV and Amazon.

It sure is a good cause, listeners, so dig deep! You can also support the Facebook page, and here be the song itself:

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

We weren’t the only people to be rather alarmed by last week‘s question from Chris about his armful of glass; Jim from Twickenham was too:

That question about NHS records and the guy with glass in his arms made me think that maybe you guys missed an important part.

I think it’s a real possibility that the questioner tried to slit his wrists and that was the real reason for the fake name and secrecy. I had a friend who actually did drunkenly cut up his arms by accident and got a real grilling from the doctors about suicide.

Good point, Jim, but fortunately your fears proved unfounded. How do I know? Because we also received the following email:

It’s Chris from episode 199. Thank you for answering my question. I will now go to my local GP and explain the situation without fear of punishment.

I know, I’m an idiot!

A noble idiot, Chris. Well done for trying to save your friend from parental fury (which I’m assuming didn’t work, as if there’s anything a parent notices than one missing glass cupboard door, it is two missing glass cupboard doors). Less well done on potentially incurring far greater parental fury directed towards yourself, and for causing yourself long-term physical damage; but as we all know, no good deed goes unpunished.

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT199 •••

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Today we consider:

boring drummers vs. insane drummers
onions vs. lilies
Buckingham Palace
The Vicar of Dibley
The Bread Show
Nicki Minaj’s facial expressions
Alex James’s cheese
NHS records
King Charles Spaniels
Scarface
the tragic death of Jeff Porcaro
canine faith
pelican fly
and
Augustus Gloop.

Plus: Olly warns against handling screwdrivers with your buttocks when attempting DIY tasks; Helen says NO to Grandpa Joe; and Martin the Sound Man plans the toast-based timelapse video that will be going viral shortly after he’s finished his breakfast.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a question from Katherine about how to compile the perfect mixtape with which to woo her new boyfriend. We also learn how not to woo Olly’s mum, and how many Strangelove songs it is permissible to add to one compilation (clue: either one, or none).

We are VERY VERY EXCITED about next week’s episode, because it is of course going to be AMT200! It’s a milestone we never imagined we would reach, but by crikey, here we (almost) are. It will be a rather different affair to AMT100 – the party whistles are still ringing in our ears – but it’ll definitely be a bit special. And like every single one of the episodes preceding it, it will be based upon your QUESTIONS, so send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).

As we’ve also mentioned, another AMT landmark lurks around the corner, namely our 5th BIRTHDAY, so help us celebrate by sending something suitable to the following address:

Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

Yours, giddy with anticipation,

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT198 •••

Resist the temptation to smack the bottom of our next correspondent Nick, for you may not like the consequences:

I’m on study abroad in the Netherlands this year. I’ve met a lot of good people here, one of whom is a particularly good friend from Canada.

So answer me this, how can I make it up to him? He’s a good friend and I don’t want him to remain upset at me, but I don’t know what to do. I also don’t want him and our friends thinking I’m a violent person, I would never intentionally do that to him. Please help!

Readers, go to the comments and suggest means for Nick to restore his friendship. Be sure not to make him angry.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

As we said in last week’s episode, we can’t condone cheating in Quasar; but if you INSIST upon cheating, you might as well not waste your time with inferior methods. Here follows an admonition from Henry:

In the latest podcast, Olly seemed to come to the conclusion that you could cheat at Quasar using a laser pointer. This is WRONG. Growing up as a nerdy kid in the early 90s, I can tell you that the lasers in lasertag games (yes, there is a blanket term and this is it) are JUST FOR SHOW.

Other popular (but lower-tech) cheats popular in the Coventry Laser Quest revolved around blocking up the sensors on your pack, either with black tape, chewing gum or a baggy hoodie (this being Coventry).

If, however, you do prefer to maintain your honour during laser games, Mark from Essex has some above-board tactics for you:

I am part of a group of friends that goes to Quasar every week (indeed, because we are that cool). Please pass along these tips to the questioneer if he wants to improve his game:

- Have an emergency signal for summoning team members for assistance. We use whistles.

So: stand very still, keep distant from your friends, and play a defensive game. Got it. But…it doesn’t actually sound FUN.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding. For all I know, Quasar might not in fact purport to be fun.

Quasar + Segways, however = indisputable fun

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for our postal address ♦

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

I’ve never been a teenage boy, but if you have, or possess especial insight into the condition, please apply yourself to the following two questions and offer sage advice in the comments.

The first is from A Horny Teenager, which, let’s face it, could be any of them:

Being a 15 year old boy, my hormones are raging and I have a lust for certain things e.g. Sex.

I have a girlfriend, we have been together for 4 years, however nothing sexual has ever happened. I would like to do something however I do not know how to bring it up with ruining our friendship. Answer me this: how can I instigate sex?

Readers, while you tackle his delicate question, I’m just going to sit here and reel at the fact that a 15-year-old has already been in a relationship for FOUR YEARS. Kid, are you living your life backwards? Sexless long-term relationship now, knee-tremblers behind the bike sheds with a new girlfriend every fortnight when you’re in your eighties?

Although his situation is unusual, Horny Teenager’s problem is not uncommon, unlike the one now presented to us by Rikki from Dunfermline:

My friend Alan has brittle bone disease and is wondering when is the right time to tell a girl about this if by a very small chance he ever gets a date?

Probably at a similar time to when he’d tell anyone else about it, and definitely before she suggests a date to Go Ape/swing dance/Fight Club.

He needn’t be too shy about it, though, as classic literature reliably informs us that the ladies can’t resist a gentleman with an unusual and incurable condition.

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT198 •••

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Don't do it! It's SUICIDE!

So you’re out playing a nice game of Fetch with your pet dog. Everything’s going brilliantly – your throwing arm is strong, its aim is true; the dog is showing unprecedented levels of agility and enthusiasm – until suddenly you realise that on your way out of the house, you accidentally picked up a Chocolate Orange instead of a tennis ball. (This is an all too common mistake in the run-up to Christmas.)

Knowing that chocolate is poisonous to dogs, you rush over to the hound, but it’s too late – the Chocolate Orange has already been bolted down and is heading rapidly for the canine colon. The dog swoons into a pile of rotting leaves, life already ebbing from its furry face. You crumple over its prone body, caterwauling to the God you don’t believe in, begging him/her/it to save your beloved pet.

God, of course, doesn’t answer, but fortunately AMTfan Alan does:

Yes, chocolate is poisonous for dogs but did you know by giving them a slice of bread, it counteracts it?

I did not know! Thankyou, Alan, for potentially saving the lives of dogs everywhere. I’ll never again embark upon Walkies without ensuring there’s a bap in my pocket, just in case.

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Following our ‘Flapjack=cake/biscuit?’ and ‘Pasty=pie/not pie?’ discussions of recent weeks, apparently food classification questions are a popular genre now! Beats me, but I do not wish to be disobliging so here’s another from Alistair in Germany:

My gorgeous girlfriend bought me a rare treat in Germany, a packet of crumpets. This raised a ‘cake or biscuit?’ question!!!

Answer me this, is a crumpet a cake, a biscuit, or even… a bread?

It’s OBVIOUSLY NOT a biscuit. What a ludicrous suggestion.

But although I’d count it as a bready product – insofar as it’s available in the supermarket bread aisle, I’d store it in the breadbin, top it with bread-compatible spreads, and consume it at breadtime – its batter-based composition precludes it from counting as bread. Therefore, if you insist upon being official about it, we should file crumpets in the ‘pancake’ category.

Now that this matter is settled, I hope you and your girlfriend find better avenues of conversation than this, else I fear for your future.

♦ Send us a birthday card! Click here for the postal address ♦

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Brush your teeth extra-assiduously before bed tonight, because Answer Me This! Episode 198 is super-chocolatey. We learn about literal death by chocolate (not carob, as if!), wonder at the untold stories of Oh Henry! bars, and invoke the name of chocolate behemoth Helge Rubinstein, again. Hear here:

Amongst the subjects tumbling out of our mouths this week are:

theobromine
Hot Tamales
Quasar
Ned Flanders
Whigfield and the virus she spawned
Mr Goodbar
portholes
pummple cake
‘Single Ladies’ vs. ‘The Ketchup Song’
the Nebula Awards vs. the Oscars
kidney flavour
The Uranus Experiment 2
Lynyrd Skynyrd
and
AMT for Christmas Number 1??? (Only if you guys launch an online campaign to make it happen!)

Plus: Olly wants to take down Annie Lennox, gently; Helen declines ‘pie’ (in the linguistic sense, rather than in the sense of turning down pie); and Martin the Sound Man teaches us an important lesson about diversity in evolution. We also recommend you check out the illustration which accompanies the final question in the episode, which can be found HERE.

This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App recounts where Olly had the Time of His Liiiiife – at his bar mitzvah in 1994. Have the time of your lives by firing up your iDevices or Android to get it.

We implore you to send your QUESTIONS to us, by leaving voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis) and emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; but we also yearn for your hard-copy, old-fashioned postal correspondence to celebrate our forthcoming 5th BIRTHDAY! So please do send us something celebratory, to the following address:

Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

We really will be beside ourselves with joy to receive something from you, with which to festoon AMT Towers for our birthday extravaganza.

But before then, we shall see you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Click to make it bigger, because it is of course important to read the small print.

UPDATE: it’s a fake? And not even an original fake? Must try harder, students of St Andrews.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

It sounds like Cassidy here has a severe case of malaise:

I am a second-semester junior at a small liberal arts college in the US. I’ve always gotten (very) good grades, but I’ve been gradually realizing that they really don’t mean shit to me, I’m not interested in my chosen course of study, and have no desire to be here.

Answwer me this: what should I do?!?!

Readers, please go to the comments and give Cassidy some of that copper-bottomed A-grade advice you’re so good at.

Meanwhile, Cassidy, here’s my ha’ppeny worth: while at the moment you think you find shitty work satisfying, in 20 years’ time it will have broken you. Whatever you decide to do, keep your future options as open as possible; and if you can’t transfer courses or colleges, the best option may be to grit your teeth and sticking with the current situation for another couple of years. Unappealing as this might seem presently, once you’re on the other side it will seem trifling.

Real-life example: our very own Martin the Sound Man. Halfway through his doctorate in quantum physics (yes, he has one; we like our sound men to be ridiculously over-qualified), he was ready to chuck in the whole thing. But for want of more pleasant options, he shouldered on for another two years, and lo, he was crowned Doctor Martin Austwick, so all the pain was worth it in the end.

Then he went and temped in a call centre for a year, but that’s another story.

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT197 •••

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Irish dancing has a defender, in the form of its newest fan Lesley from Forest Hill:

I just started taking Irish Dancing lessons. In my long 4 weeks’ experience, I can confidently say that there are no arm movements because the foot part is so complicated, your brain would explode if they tried to add anything more.

Incidentally, Irish Dancing is amazing fun. I’m completely allergic to all forms of exercise, but this class makes me actually willing to be all sweaty!

It’s true; whenever I’ve been to ceilidhs, they’ve been far funner than aerobics classes, and about 20 times more taxing. Seriously, I was worried that my friend Tom’s heart was going to burst in the middle of a 60th birthday ceilidh. Yet oddly, all the octogenarians present were hopping around as unflushed as daisies. What’s their secret?

Chris from Cardiff, Australia has also written in to stick up for the underdog:

I just thought I’d say that Canberra is actually quite a nice place to go to – as long as you have an interest in politics or museums. There are tons of great museums and exhibition buildings. As a person whose childhood holidays were either (a) camping in the rain, or (b) museum-hopping, Canberra is an veritable haven of enjoyment.

If, however, your idea of a good holiday is sitting on the beach or getting blotto, then Canberra is not the place for you.

I shun beaches and blottificaiton, so maybe Canberra IS the holiday for me! I’m booking my tickets pronto.

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT197 •••

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

This medical circumcision business seems endless [pun intended]. Let’s rattle through the emails we’ve received on the matter, and if you have any further suggestions for people who are anticipating or recovering from the snip, add them in the comments.

We’ll kick off with a couple of ideas for explaining away your post-operative crotchpain, the first from Mike:

Just say you had a hernia op on your groin, very common amongst men and produces a similar limp, make sure to do a quick search on hernias in case of any awkward questions though.

If you are disinclined to lie, heed the advice from Adam:

I had a medical circumcision too, but I was 3 at the time so it wasn’t much of a problem with telling friends. All I remember is not being able to pee, so I had to go to hospital to have it removed.

But if I’m ever discussing with my friends about who’s been in hospital and for what, then I say that I’ve become an honorary Jew or anatomically Jewish. They normally understand what I mean without actually saying what I had done.

Readers, it sounds like Alasdair here needs your comfort and reassurance:

Does it hurt when you get a circumcision? And I heard that you can’t masturbate after it. It would be great if you answered this because I don’t want to ask anyone else.

Maybe you don’t even need to have one, Alasdair – Mark has possible alternatives:

Circumcision isn’t always needed for a tight foreskin. There is a support group called Norm (www.norm-uk.org) that advises on alternatives, such as stretching, or even a frenuloplasty – which is a cutting of the band that often restricts the foreskin from retracting. This keeps the foreskin intact, but relieves the tightness.

I’ve got a friend who wasn’t able to retract his foreskin until he was in his 30s – but after using some of the stretching advice on the website he was able to do so.

I’ve now stretched my foreskin-related attention span to its limit, but if your interest is piqued, I recommend you read Talking Cock by our fellow podcaster Richard Herring, for all the entertaining and interesting penile information you might ever require.

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT197 •••

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

Since last we met, both Silvio Berlusconi and Justin Bieber’s not-babymomma have forsaken their respective meal tickets. They’ve got lots in common – dishonesty; revolting-sounding sexual encounters with minors – so maybe, now they’ve got all this free time on their hands, they should team up and make a podcast! There’s plenty room for another mixed-gender odd couple podcasting duo other than us.

But until they take the plunge, here’s Answer Me This! Episode 197 to keep you amused, although it is entirely lacking in bunga bunga and Bieber-boffing:

On today’s slate are topics including:

garra rufa fish
Malcolm McLaren
the Boomtown Rats
hungover squash vs. hungover luge
Martin Scorcese vs. Caravaggio
Jim Davis vs. Michelangelo
Sydney vs. Melbourne
New York City vs. Welwyn Garden City
the American Cinema Editors’ Union
chef’s chequered trousers
the Thames beach
Philip Green
existential angst in the H&M fitting rooms
and
The Naughtiest Girl in the School.

Plus: Olly taps into the goldmine that is writing Garfield strips; Helen recalls the time when, for one night only, she was Oliver Reed; and Martin the Sound Man refutes the notion that the Sex Pistols were little more than four vomit-spattered Gareth Gateses.

This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App concerns the Scarlet Pimpernel of fast food: that damned elusive McDonald’s McRib. They seek it here, they seek it there, but you may seek it on iDevices or Android.

Meanwhile, we seek your QUESTIONS: please deposit your inquisitive voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis) and email queries to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT196 •••

Our next correspondent, Jack, appears to be dickmatised:

I have a moral quandary. I met a boy last year, and we had a series of hook-ups (not really dating) until he came clean and told me he had a boyfriend. At that point I ended it.

What Do I Do?! Is it his problem, given he is a serial cheater, or should I be feeling guilty?????

Well, the moral imperative is his, as he has obligations to the boyfriend whilst you do not. However, he’s evidently not particularly attentive towards moral imperatives; whereas you ended the not-relationship once before because he had a boyfriend. What is different this time round?

The more important question is why are you bothering with this man anyway? Even if ‘chronic infidel’ is what you look for in a guy, he shouldn’t be causing your conscience to suffer pangs. Find somebody else to hook up with, because we’ve seen what happens to the Other Man in Unfaithful, and it doesn’t look appealing.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT196 •••

Penny from Fetcham, Surrey is throwing down quite the gauntlet here:

Why are people SO amazed by Stonehenge? It’s big, but it’s not that big, and it got there by being rolled on other big stones. Wow.

Why should I be impressed by Stonehenge?

Erm…because it’s ancient and mysterious? Because it really livens up a trip along the A303? Because without it, there would be no Carhenge?

Readers, flock to the comments and explain why Stonehenge is the shit, or, if you agree with Penny, why it is just shit.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

There are no babies chewing their way out of wombs in the episode, but there is talk of:

Frozen Planet
Riverdance
fun with magnesium
Scooby Doo: talk show host
Sammy Davis Jr vs. Jimmy Constable from 911
Akon vs. Shakespeare
flapjacks vs. fun cakes
Scrappy Doo vs. Scampi
candles vs. ‘wax-filled tins’
Sophie Wilcox
scaring off the Mongol army
The Works
Mario Balotelli
the scent of Jelly Belly
and
medical circumcision.

Plus: [Olly] Mann cannot live on raw cake-mix alone; Helen did not spend her childhood in the back of the wardrobe with Aslan; and Martin the Sound Man wishes the whole world was scented with synthetic rhubarb.

This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone, iPad or Android) is a treatise on Movember, starting with Martin’s recent facial deforestation, and ending up at Craig David’s current career choice, via Robert Mugabe and Halle Berry, because where else could such a discussion possibly go?

Next week’s episode is going nowhere without your QUESTIONS, so send them in: leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis) or write emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •

••• CLICK HERE FOR AMT195 •••

Best of luck to all you readers who are bristly of upper lip this month, in the pursuit of a good cause – like Nick here:

It’s Movember, so gentlemen (well men anyway) of the world are uniting to boldly grow moustaches for the month in aid of prostate cancer charities. This is an excuse for the men of the world to get away with doing so without the usual complaints from their better halves as it’s ‘for charity’.

I am one of these noble men and as such, answer me this: what style of facial hair shall I attempt to groom over the month?

Inspiration for you comes in the form of Martin the Sound Man, who swam against the Movember tide* last Saturday by having his quarterly shave. He debearded himself incrementally, so several ‘tache styles were modelled on the way to bare-face.

*Not because he has anything against fundraising for prostate cancer; he spent four years curing prostate cancer with lasers. He just couldn’t remember what his face looked like.

SUBSCRIBE WITH iTUNES • AMT BOOK • QUESTION ARCHIVE • EPISODES • FAQ
• iPHONE APP • ANDROID APP • FACEBOOK • TWITTER • YOUTUBE • MERCH •