I’m looking for a question that was as far as possible from the unpleasantness of the previous post. This question from Scott from Utah, living in Taiwan, does the job:
I’m not a huge fan of bananas, but they work well with my stomach (I have ulcerative colitis).
I’ve been buying them a lot lately and can’t seem to pick a good batch that will last me a week. They’ll either be too green, too ripe, too bruised, etc. Refrigerating them doesn’t keep them fresh, and nothing else seems to work either.
Answer me this: how does a person know which bananas to pick from the store and how in the world do you keep them fresh?? If there are any foolproof tips, please let me know because google hasn’t helped me.
PHEW. Nothing terrifying there. Readers: banana tips for Scott! Go!
Plus: Olly wonders why the Black Eyed Peas are so keen to shut things down; Helen hates children who have far better business sense than she has, or ever will have; and Martin the Sound Man thinks an ornamental fence is no obstacle to ardour.
In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we go more bananas for bananas, except for bananas that are a year old.
It was a race against time to complete this week’s episode and make it to London Road before curtain up. “But it’s the National Theatre!” you wail. “They don’t DO curtains.” You’re right. We’re talking metaphorical curtains. But we’re not talking metaphorical curtains in Answer Me This! Episode 185:
We are, instead, talking about:
toy guard dogs
meat feast pizza
Ian Huntley vs. Poirot
killer whales vs. sharks
spiders vs. bananas
The Shamen, Bob Dylan and Lulu vs. the BBC Jerry Sadowitz ‘Je T’aime’ Slinky Dog
how Noel Edmonds’s Multi-Coloured Swap Shop begat Live & Kicking Orcus Rodney Alcala
Plus: Olly lays waste to Percy Pig and Pals; Helen tells you how to liven up a TV gameshow; and Martin the Sound Man thinks the Strokes and Primal Scream are a bunch of wusses. This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone and iPad, or Android) tackles Olly’s golfing future. Will he? Won’t he? Will his shoulder pop out of its socket yet again? That’s not something anyone wants to see as they tee off.
We can’t tee off next week’s episode without your QUESTIONS, so deliver them as voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or emails to firstname.lastname@example.org. Fooooore!
We are delighted to announce that our book is out TODAY. As is, similarly delightfully, Answer Me This! Episode 155:
This week we mention such things as:
Abi Titmuss Essential Modern Classics – The Phantom Tollbooth
Banana Skins Slippage Committee
the edible Fleshlight
ten pin bowling, North London Jew-style
British population density vs. Canadian population density
Vince Neil’s eggy crotch.
Plus: Olly laughs and laughs and laughs at poor dead squirrels, because he is a Bad Mann; Helen wishes she still had the rushes of her unofficial audiobook of Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret; and Marti(a)n the Sound Man lays down the law about lasers, which is roughly the same law that Perseus observed when taking on the Gorgons.
This week’s bonus bit on the app is a question from Becky from Westerham about the TP button in her car. What the blazes is the TP button? Toilet paper? Telepathic powers? Total paralysis? Find out only on the app! (Or your own car.)
There are only fifty shopping days until Christmas*, and seven more shopping days until next week’s episode, so hesitate not to pose your QUESTIONS, by leaving a voicemail on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype IDanswermethis, or by firing off an email to email@example.com. We look forward to them immensely.
See you next week!
Helen and Olly
*but you don’t even need those, because the Answer Me This! book is the perfect gift for everyone in your life! So thanks to us, you’ve a spare seven weeks to fill with hobbycrafts or waterskiing rather than schlepping round John Lewis. You’re welcome. Don’t say we never do anything nice for you.
To follow the mood of this week, we must announce that we’ve decided to cut Answer Me This! Episode 153 by eight per cent. However we reassure you that we will be freezing the length of this episode at 27 minutes 37 seconds for the next two years, or until the apocalypse, whichever is sooner. Here you go:
Today’s time-of-austerity topics include:
Jim Henson’s fake rats
Johnny Depp vs. Danny Dyer Center Stage
Olly’s favourite condoms (surprisingly not these ones) The Witches
Stephen Jones, milliner
Rowan Atkinson’s ‘early’ work
Bonnie Prince Billy’s hometown
Michael Palin in drag
losing your virginity to a chair.
Plus: Olly has been repelled from his favourite snack by Gok Wan; Helen suggests a high school Joseph Mengele; and Martin the Sound Man plays off Gene Wilder and Spike Milligan against each other. WHO WILL WIN? We will, alas, never know.
What we do know is that next week is the last episode in which we’ll be handing out free books to questioneers, so send us your most brilliant QUESTIONS right now! Leave a voicemail on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype IDanswermethis, or email them to firstname.lastname@example.org, to which you should send your postal address if you are one of this week’s featured questioneers and want to claim your freebie.
If you want to claim your not-quite-free-but-really-not-too-pricey copy of Answer Me This!: Collected Juvenilia, then investigate answermethispodcast.com/book, whereat you will find not only links to a few online bookshops, but also some sample pages to induce you to preorder itmake you decide to order Booky Wook 2 instead.
Helen and Olly
PS Forgot to mention: this week’s bonus bit on the app is Olly’s account of his recent debut trip to a branch of Hooters. It was all in the name of post-feminist irony, alright?