If Martin from Bolton pays you a visit, don’t let him use your loo:
My wife, 12-year-old son and I were invited around to our very good neighbour’s house for drinks and food for the England-Sweden game the other day.
After a several hours and a few beers our neighbors starting talking about what a good job they had done in refurbishing and decorating their main bathroom upstairs and that I should go and have a look. So off I went and yes it was really nice n- ew bathroom sink and toilet etc. I lifted the seat on the toilet so I could have a pee. Then I went to lower the seat (I am a well-trained house husband) and to my horror it slipped and fell hard and cracked.
I went back downstairs and pretended nothing happened and just commented on how nice the new bathroom was. Now I feel really bad. There were a few children at the party and I thought they might be the prime suspects. Do you think I should just come clean? I have not seen them since but we are having them round to ours soon.
Poor Martin! It’s not your fault they bought a flimsy seat from the pound shop. Nor that your house-training came back to bite you in the arse, metaphorically.
I think that too much time has passed for you to come clean without it seeming really weird, and also, you might as well allow the innocent bystander children to be blamed – they won’t know or care, or be ridden by the shame with which you are currently beset. But readers, do you too think Martin should just live with his guilt? Go to the comments and tell him how to fix this situation, because I’d feel terrible if Martin’s life henceforth turns into a toilety version of ‘The Tell-Tale Heart’, being followed everywhere by the supernatural sound of flushing until he loses his mind.
We’re picking up good vibrations (good, good, good, good vibrations, oooh bop bop, good vibrations) in Answer Me This! Episode 219, thanks to one of our listeners sending us a Groupon offer for Power Plate sessions.
This week we consider:
gratuitous nudity
sexy playing cards
bomb shelters Sliding Doors, alternative version
abetting child criminals
Joseph ‘Giuseppe’ Pinetti
Apple Paltrow Martin
subtitles Slendertone vs. exercise for cosmonauts
and
Ceefax.
Plus: Olly believes china shops should tolerate, nay welcome, his unapologetic vandalism; fun-hating Helen eschews murder mystery parties, entertainment at weddings, and jiggling in public; and Martin the Sound Man is still imploring you to enter his competition to be the Science Songwriter of the Future, which sounds a bit like being the artist-in-residence on the International Space Station, but is in fact much more straightforward and does not require you to urinate into a funnel. Although, the prize includes a trip to the Green Man festival, so a funnel might prove more hygienic than a Portaloo.
This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) recounts some incredible facts about jubilees, such as how they used to lead to famine, and how the Queen was probably wasted on hers. This seems a suitable point to mention that the Answer Me This! Jubilee is at last available to buy on Amazon. You may think it a bit late for Jubilee Fever now, but we’ve got a £50 bet on the Queen reaching her Platinum Jubilee, so consider the album 15 years ahead of its time rather than two weeks behind.
If you want more AMT next week, send us a QUESTION: emails should be sent to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and voicemails left on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).
vs. exercise for cosmonauts
