Posts Tagged ‘bridesmaids’

EPISODE 221 – the money shot

June 28, 2012

Hello listeners,

We’re as surprised as you to discover that Answer Me This! Episode 221 opens with a heated discussion upon the topic, ‘What is art?’ Check us out with our high brows!

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Naturally our brows don’t stay high for long; in decreasing order of highfalutingness, we talk about:

Edward Lear
double-ended ice cream
Tracey Emin
Jeremy Deller‘s teenage parties
the Marquis de Sade
firefighters
bridesmaids
pole dancing
Charlie Chaplin drowning horribly
the pull-out method
and
Annabel Chong.

Plus: Olly is horrified to discover that there’s a boarding school-style communal wanking game that he’d never heard of; Helen knows how to make anything unsexy, using ham; and Martin the Sound Man would like to remind you that you only have a couple of weeks left to enter his Science Songwriter of the Future competition, so make the old man happy because he’s got a bad ear this week.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App Helen gives you a great tip for making new friends on late-night public transport, based on her recent encounter with a stranger’s pelvis on the Victoria Line. That stranger’s pelvis could be all yours, if you avail yourself of the app on iDevices or Android! Don’t worry if you’re married; the pelvis won’t be worrying about that either.

We don’t want your pelvises, but we do want your QUESTIONS, so thrust them our way by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving voicemails to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis). As a reward, you may watch the video below of Eleanor from Norwich’s pole dancing team going about their totally sexless business.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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bridesbloke

June 14, 2012

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We sure do receive a lot of wedding questions here, so if you’d like to relieve us of some of the responsibility of answering them properly, take yourself to the comments and advise our next two correspondents. First, we hear from Ben from Britain:

I am a man and in the summer my female friend is getting married. At this wedding I am to be a ‘bridesmaid’.

I have already rejected the idea of carrying a bouquet, which she wasn’t that amused by.

My first question is, am I wrong to not want to be instantly labelled as ‘the gay one’? As it’s pretty obvious already, me being referred to as bridesmaid.

My second question is, she has raised the issue of suit hire and said to me ‘We will leave your fitting for last in case you want to lose weight.’ I am 6ft and have a 38 inch waist. Am I within my social right to not go at all or should I instead intensively eat nothing but chips until the suit fitting?

1. Of course you’re not wrong. Why should your sexuality and/or gender be the defining factor about you? However, when you agreed to be in the bride’s band of indentured slaves, you were effectively signing up for whatever degradation and subjugation the bride wishes. And that includes carrying flowers, wearing a dress, participating in the choreographed dance down the aisle for YouTube, assisting with the bride’s pre-show colonic irrigation…

2. Stuff a pillow down your shirt for the fitting. And, for funsies, a cucumber down your trousers.

All too often, people who are getting married think they have free rein to treat their loved ones like crap, don’t they? (Coincidentally, since my wedding day, my friends now regard me with a mixture of terror and disgust! They’re probably just jealous, right?) However, our next questioneer Laura from Australia seems to be trapped in a cycle of mutual consideration:

As a single lady, if I get invited to a wedding could I take a friend along as my ‘plus one’? Or is it poor form as I know weddings cost a lot and they probably don’t want to pay for an extra meal for my friend. Making small talk to a bunch of people I don’t know over dinner fills me with genuine anxiety and having a friend there would make things less awkward as I’m not great at that sort of thing. Your thoughts?

Well, if the couple actually stated on your invitation that you were welcome to bring a cohort, then they are acquiescing to the possibility of paying to feed someone they don’t know in exchange for your contentment (or bulking up their audience). But if they didn’t, then I don’t think you can bring along a freeloader – and if you yourself don’t know anyone at the wedding, then the person who is only going along because you’re making them is unlikely to have a particularly good time in a roomful of strangers and salmon en croute.

It’s fine to fly solo, and if you really expect that there will be no mutual friends at the event, allay your worries by asking the couple if they can seat you amongst nice people who are easy to talk to. Hopefully they will be considerate of their friends’ social requirements, but as per my point above, it’s far from a given. So maybe take a good book along, as back-up.

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The Best of AMT2011 part 1

December 16, 2011

What an eventful year 2011 has been. Earthquakes, tsunamis, nuclear terror! Sit-ins, protests, riots! So many revolutions, we can’t even choose a favourite! Charlie Sheen being a messed-up addict – but funny, so it’s fine! Osama Bin Laden’s dramatic exit! Pippa Middleton’s bottom!

Plenty has happened here at Answer Me This! too, so take a jaunt with us into the vale of the recent past: here is The Best of AMT2011, part 1.

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What a lot we learnt this year! About such things as:

space tourism
coloured bathroom suites
William’n’Dorothy Wordsworth
celebrity cock-shots
ornamental jellyfish
The Apprentice
Dodgy
‘Like a G6′
Dane Bowers’n’Jordan’s sex tape
John Travolta’s face vs. Nicolas Cage’s face
glass slippers
impulse bags
fake tan
undone flies
Saturday Toilet
Olly’s lost night of Chico
doll hospital
phallic salad
phallic statues
phallic celebrity waxworks
phallic phalluses
and
Adult Milkybar.

There’s plenty more to come next week; but if you want plenty more AMT next year, then send us your QUESTIONS: deliver emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).

We have to say a huge thanks to everybody who has sent us something to celebrate our impending 5th birthday – we’ve already received many glorious cards, some rather exciting little presents, and enough sugary treats to push us over to the wrong side the Type 2 Diabetes fence! If you want to propel us into hyperglycaemic hyperdrive, or you want to show off your best penmanship, please dispatch a missive to:

Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

Thankyou for delighting us by post, listeners. You really are a tiptop bunch.

See you next Thursday, for the Best of AMT2011 part 2!

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 136 – fox piss liquitab

May 20, 2010

Hello there listeners,

For reasons outlined therein, we’re yawning and stretching during Answer Me This! Episode 136; but we sincerely hope you don’t:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

On today’s call sheet are topics including:

iron ore
Hereford Cathedral’s record-breaking library
abseiling
Jo Whiley’s washing tips
fishy Ashton Kutcher
chopsticks vs. cutlery
stripey horses vs. horned horses
communion wafers vs. transubstantiated flesh
Mel Gibson vs. Bob Dylan’s Planet Waves
pox vs. coma
weather houses
whitebait
Martika
grey hair
and
blue movies.

Furthermore: Olly only publicly relieves himself the classiest way; Helen shuns bridesmaids; and Martin the Sound Man is a silver fox, although hopefully not the same one that pissed in Olly’s trainers, or fisticuffs will ensue.

We also contemplate what makes us feel aged; proceed to the comments on this post to share your own. Although if you are only half our age, don’t. You are mere saplings, so enjoy that while we wheeze and wobble along the path of physical and mental decline.

Old or young, you are all very welcome to send us a QUESTION, so please do that by leaving a voice message on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis or by sending an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

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