Posts Tagged ‘celebrities’

EPISODE 280 – munting butterflies

November 28, 2013

zoltar

On this day, dear listeners, we arrive at the final new AMT episode of 2013. We’ll be revisiting some of the Incredible Moments of the AMT year in our Best Of episodes on 12th and 19th December – which as always include some previously unpodcasted Incredible Moments – so please join us for those. Until then, here’s Answer Me This! Episode 280:

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In which we learn about:

caterpillars
Countryfile
Brian May
isolated stone columns
boring men’s fashion
Tinder
Elijah Wood/Tobey Maguire vs Ryan Gosling/Ryan Reynolds
wearing white after Labor Day
public personal grooming
Shutter Island spoiler alert
and
pulling at theme parks.

Plus: Olly wouldn’t have his honeymoon at Disney World even if he did get to jump queues and eat free food; if the Zoltar machine in Big had been replaced by a Zaltor machine, Tom Hanks would have received some pedantic grammatical advice from Helen instead; and Martin the Sound Man can’t deal with ultraviolent films like Home Alone.

As we may have noted a few times, the Answer Me This! Christmas album is out now; click HERE to get it. In return for supporting the show with your dosh, you get one hour of all-new AMTchat about the festive period. There’s a little sample of it as this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android and Windows).

As well as money, to keep AMT going in 2014 we need your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you back here on 12th December for the first installment of the best of AMT2013,

Helen & Olly

AMT280 Child-Friendly Rating: 92%. Phonecall from an actual 6-year-old. Reasonably innocent hangover chat, and surprisingly clean discussion of hook-up apps. Two class B swears. Beware, there is a spoiler about the end of Big, which is not a film we want to ruin for your children; there’s also spoiler about Shutter Island, which is not a film your children should be watching yet so it doesn’t really matter.

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celebripiss 3

November 27, 2013

CLICK HERE FOR AMT279

The stream of your celebripiss stories has not yet run dry. Here’s a starry one from Courtney from Dublin:

Was at the premiere of Gangs of New York a few years ago and was at the urinals with Leonardo DiCaprio. Most famous person I’ve peed next to. Fairly important to the story that I point out I am in fact a man with the name Courtney and not a crazy lady in the gents.

Pete has raised the stakes to celebripoop:

A few years ago, a friend of mine got us backstage, access all areas passes to the Download Festival. We had access literally everywhere – backstage, artist green rooms, even managed to see some bands sets from the side of the stage. One advantage to this was the ability to use the artists’ toilets and shower facilities backstage.

We had just watched Faith No More on the main stage and headed back for a few beers. The day’s festivities had caught up with me, and by this time I needed the loo. A diet consisting entirely of alcohol and no actual soild food is always going to have a certain effect, and it was with some trepidation that I approached the toilets.

Upon entering the loos, I sensed that this was going to be a sit down visit rather than a stand up, so duly sat down and let armaggeddon commence. Upon finishing, I flushed and exited, but left behind an aroma that satan himself would be proud of. As I left, I held the door for someone who was approaching, only to notice that it was Marilyn Manson. My good nature took hold, and I felt some kind of warning was in order.

“I’d give that ten minutes if I were you” I offered helpfully. Mr Manson just looked at me and casually nodded, and entered the cubicle area, whereupon I heard a distinct muttering of “fucking hell” followed by a clear retching sound. Result!

As we noted in AMT278, a double celebripiss is quite a feat; Dave here certainly found it too much to bear:

I relieved myself next to Dirty Den from Eastenders. Turns out he was doing the panto and staying in the hotel I was in for my school formal.

I didn’t notice who it was at first when I pulled up beside him until our heads turned and we both gave a nod of acknowledgement to one another. I got stage fright and couldn’t go, though thankfully he quickly finished and left.

Thinking I was now free to do my business with out the pressure of a famous face stood within splashing distance, I set about focusing myself on the job at hand, when who should drunkenly burst through the door and stagger up beside me, none other than ex-Westlife singer Brian McFadden. He was a twat. He swayed about and I’m sure he pissed on himself. I left him to it and went back out with a bladder still half full of wee.

Later that night Brian came into our disco and took over the DJing! He was shite. All the girls flocked over to him asking for pictures and autographs and he responded by hocking up a greener and spitting it at them. He was removed/escorted out by the bouncers soon after.

In Brian McFadden’s defence, Westlifers are only happy when sitting on high stools. They should have fitted an extra-high urinal for his needs.

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EPISODE 278 – you can’t look anywhere without seeing a celebrity wang

November 14, 2013

Apologies for our absence last week; normal service resumes today with Answer Me This! Episode 278:

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In which we discuss:

pissing with Clint Eastwood
Annie Hall
Action Man
Kinder Eggs vs the law
ginger ale vs ginger beer
romcoms vs heartbreak
fake tan
sexy scars
GI Joe’s thumb
the golden era of Richard Curtis
and
Peter Stringfellow’s Marmitey penis.

Today’s episode was sponsored by squarespace.com, who are not only offering you 10% off their wonderful website-building services if you use the code Answer11, but also the chance to win a free YEAR of the service if you send us a link to your Squarespacetacular website – if tweeting said link, deploy the hashtag #AMTsquarespace.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android and Windows) we wonder whether Peter Stringfellow is a nice (string)fellow. If you can confirm or deny, do let us know.

And, more importantly, do send us your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

If like this week’s questioneer Maz you want to salve your broken heart with unlimited streaming of films and TV, get yourself a month’s free LoveFilm trial at answermethispodcast.com/LoveFilm. You can also block out some white noise by listening to Helen’s other podcast Sound Women, available here.

Our final demand: join us next Thursday, please,

Helen & Olly

AMT278 Child-Friendly Rating: 88%. Celebripissing chat and mention of Peter Stringfellow’s stringfellow, but low swearage and kid-appropriate topics such as Action Man, Kinder Surprise and soft drinks.

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further adventures in celebripissing

November 14, 2013

CLICK HERE FOR AMT277

Your wonderful tales of Piddling With The Stars are still trickling in; here’s one from Leon in Aberdeen:

I pissed next to Johnny Vegas backstage at ITV; he was recording QI there, I was a contestant on Tipping Point. Was going to ask for a photo, thought better of it.

I also got changed next door to Stephen Fry that day! :o

Best day ever.

Here’s another comedian-heavy celebripiss from Jon:

I hit the men’s room after seeing The Dirty Projectors at Lincoln Center a few years ago. There were three urinals; the outside two of which were occupied by Jason Sudekis and Andy Sandburg from Saturday Night Live, chatting. I panicked for a second, then thought better and used the toilet stall.

Entrepreneurial celebripisser Phil writes:

I once stood next to Richard Branson at a urinal in a medium posh London hotel. It was some kind of Industry awards evening. I think I tried to engage him in some meta-chat about how he must have random people chatting to him all the time, he was chatty enough but finished up quickly and headed off. I do not recall seeing his cock.

And here’s a political celebripiss from Chris from Crystal Palace

I was once at a charity conference and went to the toilet, only to have the then Home Secretary David Blunkett hand me his guide dog while I was urinating. I think he confused me for his aide.

Are you dextrous enough, Chris, to control the dog and your urination at the same time? If not, this could have ended rather badly. And smellily.

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celebripees roundup

November 7, 2013

lmhope

CLICK HERE FOR AMT277

Since AMT277, your tales of celebripees have been, er, flooding in. Here are some you’ve shared over Twitter and here are some more. Dan from Melbourne writes:

I was in a cafe in Wellington, New Zealand where I went to the toilet and Billy Connolly was in there at the basin washing his hands. I said “Hi, I’m a big fan.” Billy then made a joke about the chair he had broken minutes before.

Jack has also pissed in the vicinity of a comedian:

I urinated next to Norman Lovett after he did a gig at our SU once. I texted my friend to tell him so. Mad props.

Phil from London managed a comedian/pop star double celebripiss:

A couple of years ago I was working in the O2 arena in London, in the private boxes doing bar work.
In a break I went to the toilet, and found myself having a piss between Michael McIntyre and the short one out of JLS.
I had been serving them throughout the evening, and talked to them a bit, but as the rules of the mens toilets go, no conversation happened urinal to urinal.

Oscar from Swansea has also effected a musical celebriwee:

In 2003 I was working on the second and third stages of the Guildford music festival Guilfest with a group of university crew who assisted there every year.

On the last night of the festival we usually got invited backstage of the main stage to help drink the leftover riders.

That year I was sporting a broken wrist and I bumped into Alice Cooper at the backstage portacabin type urinals. He commented on my cast and asked how I got it, as one of his roadies had a similar injury.

We chatted for a bit longer outside the toilets before we got on with our evenings. Thoroughly nice bloke – a lot more down to earth than some of the acts a fraction as famous.

Steve from Pennsylvania, however, illustrates the downside of a lavatorial encounter with a musical icon:

A number of years ago, I went to see one of my favorite bands, Nothington, at a local, rather run-down bar. I figured I’d go to the bathroom a few before the band came on, and barged right in.

Unfortunately, it was a one-person toilet facility. There in all of his glory, was the leader singer going No. 2, on full display. I apologized, and made a quick exit. However, I could not fully enjoy the show, as I could only picture the singer during the show sitting on the toilet.

And now a celebripiddle with a touch of Hollywood glamour, from Jason:

At the Jefferson Hotel in Richmond VA sometime in late 2000, I went the the bathroom and found myself taking a whizz with Anthony Hopkins. He was in town filming Hannibal with Julianne Moore, who I sadly did not meet in the bathroom, or anywhere else.

I saw him later in the restaurant of the same hotel but did not speak to him either time as I assume he must get sick of being recognized all the time.

However a friend of mine did get to speak to him as the Jefferson had a deal with the YMCA across the street that allowed guests to use the gym there. After his work out Hopkins left and my friend noticed he was still carrying the Y towel he had been given. Anyway my friend who was working the front desk at the Y let him leave and walk halfway down the block just so he could run after him and point out his mistake. He was very gracious and apologetic.

And finally, a Dame Jud-wee from Ellie from Glasgow:

During a short stop on a long drive from glasgow to the north of Scotland I peed in a public toilet next to Dame Judi Dench. I was not aware it was her until we both went to the sink and I looked in the mirror to fix my hair and saw her. I just smiled, walked out and told my mum waiting outside who proceeded to shout at the top of her lungs “OMG really!” then shouted across the car park to my dad that I had a pee next to Judi Dench!

Rules of celebripiss etiquette: play it cool. That includes you, MUM.

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EPISODE 277 – Millennium Bug Minister

October 31, 2013
Dinosaur-themed adventure golf!

Dinosaur-themed adventure golf!

This week’s episode comes from AMT’s rural outpost: Olly’s new house in the countraayyyyyy. And you know who else lives there? Of course it’s Olly’s beloved cat COCO! Listen carefully for her special guest appearance in Answer Me This! Episode 277:

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We discuss:

the man who can fry his own hands
dinosaur-themed minigolf
YouTube tutorials
‘vlogging’
golf sales
godparents
the Millennium Bug
Echo and the Bunnymen
Bob Dylan vs Paul McCartney
the royal death light
and
paruresis.

Plus: Olly prefers silence and privacy during lavatory-time; Helen does not endorse the Divine Right of Kings; and Martin the Sound Man destroys Olly by winning Coco’s affections (and eating all the chocolate buttons). Look at him, brazenly wooing her away from the Mann who loves her most.

Martin steals Olly's cat's love

Martin steals Olly’s cat’s love

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android and Windows) Olly betrays his younger self by not bothering to meet Jason Donovan.

Please do bother to send us your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Thanks to listener Gil8ert for the jingle, to pod-colleague Roman Mars for calling in, and to squarespace.com for bringing you this episode. To get 10% off their myriad wonderful website-building services, remember to use the code Answer10.

In the words of Atomic Kitten, see ya!

Helen & Olly

AMT277 Child-Friendly Rating: 76%. A handful of swears. Reference to a blowie. Discussion of weeing adjacent to famous people. Could be a lot worse.

PS:

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween

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EPISODE 270 – you don’t want a Newton’s Cradle happening in your pants

September 5, 2013

big-egg404_667437c
Hello,

At the time of recording Answer Me This! Episode 270 dicksmack.org*, the domain name bandied around in last week’s episode, was still available. But within minutes of today’s episode becoming available, it seems one enterprising listener snapped it up. If it’s any comfort, dicksmack.com is still available…

* Apologies to any listener called Dick S. Mack for any upset all this may have caused

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On today’s agenda:

ostrich eggs
symmetrical balls
gorilla balls
the ‘guess the price of the scarves’ game
book blurbs
jam vs conserve
supernatural forces vs scientific forces
Zara vs Liberty
Rick Stein’s signature vs George Orwell’s signature
Frankenstein’s monster’s education
celebrity community service
the LingerieLegends Football League
the We’re the Millers trailer
and
zombies.

Plus: Olly’s binders full of women are very well organised; Helen insists on having a Pocket full of articles to keep her diverted during boring shopping trips; and Martin the Sound Man finally reveals what his PhD was in. Wait – he didn’t just buy it off the internet?

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) includes Olly’s impression of every Stephen King film ever. Has to be heard to be believed.

Please be so kind as to send us your QUESTIONS (unless they’re about zombies, in which case don’t): leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Oh, and if you want to buy a signed copy of the AMT book, and to support a terrific independent bookshop by doing so, ask Bookseller Crow for one.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT270 Child-Friendly Rating: 36%. F-bomb detonates within first minute of the show, followed by discussion about dicksmack.org, and the dick-related things that site could potentially contain. Several swears. Early question about testicles. Safe waters in the middle of the show, but ends with a question about a sport that is essentially fap-material.

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EPISODE 260 – hurr hurr Marylebone

June 6, 2013

Hello chums,

This week, listener Melvyn from Israel got in touch to ask whether we have a system for identifying AMT episodes which are suitable for his children to listen to. So from this point forward*, each episode will have a rating so you parents/children are aware of the incidence of blue language and depraved material. Answer Me This! Episode 260 scores a Child Friendly Rating of 70% (mild swearing/bawdy talk and one question about dicks).


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Today we discuss:

Wagon Wheels
jalapeños
disappointing Oxford Circus
Loose Women‘s stools (not as in bowel movement stools)
tuk tuk drivers
Fentimans
The Pammy vs. The Governess
Lord Adonis
helium
and
dressing to the left/right.

Plus: Olly has a simple but cunning method for hiding his Special Racy Magazines; Helen is a fan of neither Buckfast nor Red Bull; and the only thing bigger than Martin the Sound Man’s head is his…ego?

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we discuss Desert Island Drugs. We may be squares in our normal lives, but leave us to die alone on a desert island and we’ll give any intoxicants a whirl.

If you haven’t, give QUESTION-ASKING a whirl: leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Plus, if you’re interested in hearing swear-free episode 59 or Martin-free episode 78, they – and 118 more retro AMT episodes – are available to buy at answermethispodcast.com/classic. There’s also free entertainment at answermethispodcast.com/LoveFilm.

See you next Thursday, for our last episode of this current series (oh don’t, you’ll set us off too),

Helen & Olly

*This does mean our previous 259 episodes remain the Wild West, but if you have a craven desire to go through all of them to rate them, be our guest.

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Best of AMT 2012 part II

December 20, 2012

We hope you enjoyed the Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part I last week. If you did, you’ll also enjoy The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II, and if you didn’t, maybe you’ll prefer The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II. Either way, you should listen to The Best of Answer Me This! 2012 – Part II:

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Wherein we meet again our auld acquaintances:

Phantom of the Opera
Hamlet Hamlet
Prince Philip’s bladder
Killer Net
Angela Lansbury fantasies
R Kelly’s fancy parties
the birthplace of the Industrial Revolution
Devon vs Cornwall scone wars
sex Jenga
the Owl and the Pussycat
the 21st-century Sweeney Todd
Olly’s solo sex tape
Helen taking an off-brand fruit into the Apple store
and
Charlie’s Angles.

And there are more previously unheard bits of AMT, which you can have more of every week if you posess the AMT App, available for iDevices and Android – on which you also get our Best Of episodes from the past five years, if you trawl through diligently enough.

Please be generous with your QUESTIONS for AMT in 2013: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.

We’ll be back on 10th January 2013, but you can still hear plenty of us before then:

We’ll be running through the year’s biggest online events on Saturday Edition, BBC 5 Live 8pm 29th December or available shortly after as the Let’s Talk About Tech podcast.

Olly will be Manning the microphone on LBC 97.3 FM, 1-4am most nights from Xmas Eve to Jan 3rd – check lbc.co.uk for the schedule, and rouse yourself from your festive stupor to give him a call and keep him company.

Helen will crop up on BBC 5 Live’s Radio Review of 2012, hosted by Jane Garvey and Mike Sweeney, which will be broadcast on at 11pm on Christmas Eve, repeated 4pm on Christmas Day, or, if you want to listen at a more sensible time, it’ll be available on the 5 Live website straight after.

You can hear us discussing Christmas gadgets and songs on Steve Wright in the Afternoon on BBC Radio 2 on 20th December. UPDATE: Here’s the link to the item on iPlayer.

And we wrote some bits for the Celebrity Juice Christmas Specials; part one is already on ITV Player and part two will follow on tonight.

We hope you have very happy festivities, and we’ll see you next year!

Helen & Olly

PS if you need more noise to drown out the sound of sleighbells and Wizzard, direct yourself to our Jubilee and Sports Day albums, as well as AMT1-120.

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EPISODE 233 – the birthplace of the Industrial Revolution

October 18, 2012

We have so much for which to thank the Industrial Revolution. Without it, there would be no devices upon which to listen to podcasts, no podcasts either, and certainly not several minutes of this particular podcast – Answer Me This! Episode 233:

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Today’s lessons cover such subjects as:

wave machines
Kanye West’s insecurities
grog
Emma Watson’s accent in The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Britain’s first cast iron bridge vs. Britain’s first roundabout
Baywatch vs. Fruit-Pickers
Salopians vs. fallopians
Biggie vs. TupacElliott vs. Jeff
Priscilla Presley vs. an extended cookery segment on This Morning
sporks vs. foons
Pamela Anderson covered in sticky juice
Roman Facebook
Hypno-Lipo
radio drama’s special stationery
divas and divos (dive and divi if we’re being proper about it)
hook-handjobs
what happened after the Stolen Soy Milk Scandal of AMT231
and
knorks.

Plus: all Olly wants is to read a proper thick issue of Time Out whilst chewing a stick of Orbit; Helen knows all about your fantasy fort made of cardboard boxes; and Martin the Sound Man knows how to keep himself amused when there’s only fruit to talk to.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) suggests a money-making scheme for Jon Snow if/when Channel 4 News goes tits-up. We’re registering Celebri-Ties now, just in case.

Register your QUESTIONS with us by emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and/or leaving voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.

See you next Thursday!

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 217 – you don’t see Batman with sunburn

May 31, 2012

Hello listeners,

This week, we face a big, big question: should Singin’ In The Rain be BANNED, for flouting the hosepipe ban as the rest of southern England shrivels under drought conditions? Start drafting your petitions whilst you listen to AMT217:

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Today we talk of:

child beauty pageants
impressing Jeremy Paxman
reverse cat psychology
sunburnt tattoos
Prince Philip’s barbecue
theatre curtains
mortar boards
chinos for hipsters
milky special effects
and
the managing director of Little Chef.

Plus: one of Olly’s early theatrical productions nearly brought the house down – literally, with fire; Helen recaps her late granny’s theory about what really happened to Princess Diana after that fateful night in Paris; and Martin the Sound Man is dissed by Olly for being a professional cleverclogs. Bullying doesn’t stop after school, you guys.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a question from Tony from Worksop about whether we’ve ever killed or maimed a celebrity. Look, Tony, the evidence is purely circumstantial. They’ll never be able to convict us on it.

While, as a precaution, we book our passage to Rio under false identities, you should get on with sending us your QUESTIONS: send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and/or leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).

Before we go, here are a couple of other things for your entertainment: Helen just appeared on Charlie Brooker’s So Wrong It’s Right, with Graham Linehan and Matthew Crosby; and Olly’s cat Coco should imminently be appearing on Channel 5’s Live With Fern Britton. Click here to read the extraordinary correspondence which ensued after last week’s show. And since we’ve almost arrived at Jubilee weekend, treat yourself to the Answer Me This! Jubilee, which is better than the Jubilee proper because you don’t have to sit through a whole solo set by Gary Barlow or be jostled for eight hours whilst you wait on the banks of the Thames for a glimpse of the Queen on a boat. Which might be worthwhile, if she does this.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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The Best of AMT2011 part 2

December 22, 2011

We hope you enjoyed last week’s rattle through the first half of the AMT year. If not, here’s more stuff that you won’t enjoy, in The Best of AMT2011, part 2:

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Wherein we revisit such golden moments as:

Jon Ronson’s breakfast with Pocahontas
butternut squash
Tate & Lyle’s decomposing lion
Lulu
Going for Gold
‘Imagine’
the theme from Requiem for a Dream
claret jugs
character M&Ms
Martin’s wedding pants
the Fat Controller’s wife
Owl City
Reg Grundy nepotism
staplenuts
Avril Lavigne fans
Anna Paquin
and
sexy Jews.

Plus some more Previously Unheard Bits from the bin.

Help us concoct more podcast for you to hear in 2012 by sending us your QUESTIONS: fill our inbox by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and deluge our Question Line with voicemails (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis).

And you can also fill our big empty box – our PO Box, what did you think we meant? – with some 5th birthday goodies:

Answer Me This!
PO Box 53587
London
SE19 9BQ

We’ll be back with episode 201 on January 19th 2012, so it merely remains for us to wish you all a very happy Christmas/atheist substitute and New Year, and to thank you very sincerely for listening to us in 2011.

Helen & Olly

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