EPISODE 131 – Bieber is a babymaker

by

Hello listeners,

There are some very big issues in Answer Me This! Episode 131. The link between artistry and depression. The baffling denouement of the video of ‘November Rain’ (see below for a refresher). How to emasculate stones. Hear:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

As side orders to that big plateful of Important Issues, we mention:

Mary Pickford
Stephanie Seymour
bicarbonate of soda
Fernand Pitoit
Scissors Paper Stone
film myths
safety myths
creativity vs. crack
Fargo vs. chipped beef
crochet vs. stones
the boringest action figurines in toy history
cannibalistic tomatoes
and
Phillip Schofield’s big tart.

Plus: Olly conflates coitus and cultural colonialism; Helen is disgusted that all of the internet can’t come up with a believable explanation for why the Bloody Mary is called a Bloody Mary; and Martin the Sound Man comes up with a new word to express the apathy of the Web 2.0 generation. Feel free to use it in a sentence today. Also vengeful Ky from Harrogate seeks your help once more, to sponsor him on his 40-mile jog: make up for his recent Paypal fraud pain by throwing him a couple of pence at http://justgiving.com/kyle-addyman. Or you could just stand by the jogging route and throw pennies AT him, but I don’t think he or the British Heart Foundation would appreciate that as much.

Get your excitement on the boil in anticipation of next week’s Special Guestisode, featuring Andy Zaltzman out of the Bugle podcast and Helen’s gene pool; then send him some QUESTIONS. Preface them with ‘Andy, answer me this’ – email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave a voicemail on Skype ID answermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877; or if you’re absolutely horrified at a stranger responding to your problem, the usual question-posing format will be perfectly fine.

See you next week, for family fun day!

Helen and Olly

PS if any of the rest of you are superfans of Dr Brian Cox, treat yourself to one of THESE.

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14 Responses to “EPISODE 131 – Bieber is a babymaker”

  1. simon Says:

    just fyi. The rock symbolises strength, scissors are intelligence and paper is money. I realise this is over-late and of no real relevance now but I only just listened to the episode. 🙂

  2. Smee Says:

    Haha, corned beef – “to corn” has to be the grisliest verb ever.

  3. Teneeka Says:

    Hi. I’ve been listening to the podcast since December and it’s really good, so thanks.
    I just have to point this out. Sorry. There were two Marys. One was Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots – she was locked up for 19 years
    The one I think you mean is Mary Tudor – the Roman Catholic Queen who killed around 285 Protestants.
    Sorry, I just had a History test (the results of which I will have on Friday) on this and our teacher kept changing her mind about which Mary we had to learn. First it was Mary Tudor, then Stuart, then Tudor again. Finally she said to learn a bit of both. In th end the test was only on Elizabeth I and Mary Stuart!

    Anyway. I do have a question. Helen, Olly, Martin the Soundman and Andy Answer me this:
    Why do you call Martin, Martin the Soundman while Helen and Olly are just Helen and Olly? Is there a special reason why he gets a nickname?
    Also, where did the term nickname come from? Was there I guy called Nick with multiple names?
    I think that was more than one question…
    Thanks. 🙂

  4. Krista in Sydney Says:

    … or the funeral wasn’t supposed to follow directly on from the marriage, and she actually died two years later in a freak pedicure accident.

  5. Krista in Sydney Says:

    Like Mysterious Matt, I may have given this November Rain video more consideration than it deserved.

    I have drawn the conclusion that there is some seriously questionable behaviour being exhibited by Axl’s so called ‘friends’. My suspicions were first piqued when, like Matt, I noticed Slash’s strange exit from the wedding the moment rings had been exchanged. Perhaps there was a perfectly innocent explanation for his exit, like a desperate need for lotion on his leather-chapped thighs. OR was Slash’s exit derived from something far more sinister?

    I draw to your attention the following points of the video clip, and ask that you draw your own (or, preferably, my) conclusions!

    2:41 – A merry scene of drinking and debauchery. OR IS IT? Notice the way Axl’s Fiancee of Questionable Repute slips on Slash’s hat – the same hat that has been Slash’s trademark accoutrement his whole career. This level of familiarity is surely tantamount to post-coitally wearing a man’s business shirt, is it not? Shortly thereafter, Slash’s merry expression slips off his face and pools in his cowboy boots as, despite this millinery flirting, Axl and Tarty McBotox begin sucking face. A dark plan, fuelled by jealousy and heartache, forms beneath Slash’s shaggy mane.

    3:06 – Slash ‘loses’ the rings. He is ‘rescued’ from ’embarassment’ by the stringy blonde chap. Note: both of them will only handle the rings with gloves on. Let me restate that in capitals for effect: WITH GLOVES ON.

    3:38 – Slash charges out of the church as Axl and the freshly minted Mrs. Axl lap at one another’s tonsils, but not before he exchanges a hearty manslap with Stringy, congratulating him on a ruse well played, sir. He then wanders outside to twiddle-widdle on his guitar, which is what professional shredders do instead of knocking one out.

    6:16 – A knowing look passes between Slash and Stringy. There’s no going back now – the poison on the replacement ring has already seeped through her skin and into her bloodstream. If Slash can’t have her, NO-ONE WILL!

    6:59 – Pause to appreciate the phenomenal gratuitous cake dive. Nothing protects from unwanted rain like leaping into confection.

    7:16 – Stringy and Slash lean on each other in the front row of the funeral service with heads bowed (to DISGUISE THEIR CRUEL SMILES?).

    8:42 – Dénouement! Axl’s tormented dreams reveal to him the betrayal of his friend and wife through complex symbolism. I’m confident I’m not reading too deeply into this thing when I say that white roses turning red and then white again means your guitarist harboured a deep and unrequited love for your missus because she fondled his hat, formed a conspiracy with your drummer while they were getting their perms touched up, poisoned her with a fake wedding band and, several weeks later, injected her ashes into his eyeballs (although that last part may have been unrelated).

  6. Mike from Bath Says:

    Adhish, please forgive me if I have the wrong spelling of your name!

    I too have a technical background (I’m a software engineer) and rather like the idea of writing. So far I have one completed short story to my name and another in the works, some day I’d like to have a go at a novel or two.

    I hate to play into the stereotype, but I have suffered from depression in the past and will probably do so again. However, that hasn’t really applied in the time I’ve been writing so I wouldn’t exactly call it a factor. Actually, I’ve founding writing kind of enjoyable. Have a go, and if you’re not confident just be a bit quiet about the fact that you’re doing it – it’s worked for me!

    Good luck with it 😀

    Mike

  7. Stompers Says:

    A note on the mobile phone at the petrol station:

    It is a spurious relationship — some studies were done by the oh-so-reliable Mythbusters which indicate that it may be a static electricity spark caused by entering the vehicle and exiting again (to get the much-maligned cell phone, or for any reason), then touching the pump handle that causes the fuel fumes to ignite.

    Thanks for the show, and letting me get my nerd on every week.

  8. Aoife Says:

    helen, you are not alone. I also read craft blogs, have also seen the crocheted stones and have been equally mystified by them.

  9. Susan Says:

    Yay Andy! I was hoping for this to happen one day! Buglers and AMT-ers rejoice!

  10. noepic Says:

    Snakes don’t fly, Helen? Ahem. Have you not seen the multiple award winning (surely) Snakes On A Plane?

  11. Mysterious Matt Says:

    I am yet to listen to episode 131, but I have some comments based on watching the video.

    1) Given my age (teens) when this video emerged, I can’t believe that I didn’t notice/remember how “look vicar, you can almost see my vjj” that first shot is. It’s a really odd dress, is it not? For the girl who wants to say “hey, look, I like tradition, and I like a trail, but I don’t want anyone to think that this wedding thing means I’ll be hiding my goodies away from now on”. Actually, I think that they should call it a mullet dress – short at the front, long at the back.
    2) (I do remember thinking this at the time) Is it traditional for the best man to say “well, that’s them hitched, I’ll just bugger off by myself now” as soon as rings meet fingers?
    3) What a bunch of pricks those so-called friends turned out to be. The church is packed for the wedding, they’re all scoffing themselves and jumping into the wedding cake instead of going arounfd a table at the reception, but come funeral-time, they’ve made themselves scarce.

  12. Ace from London Says:

    Andy (and possibly Martin) Answer Me This, following on from last week’s topic of Scissors, Paper, Stone (i’m from surrey – helen tells me i have to say it that way – what was wrong with rock?!) can other modifications to the game be made? For example, look how Monopoly has squillions of different editions by now.

    Helen suggested Scissors, Crochet (is that how you spell it?), Stone.

    How about ; Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock. (for all you starwars nerds out there).
    Every good game needs a Star Wars edition.

  13. Jim from Chelmsley Wood in Birmingham (now living in Rome) Says:

    Battle Beasts! Battle Beasts! They Battle for Fun!

    Collect all 84!

    “WATER!, WOOOOD!, WOOOD BEATS WATER!!!”

  14. Vordus Says:

    You finally convinced Andy to be a guest? Both Helen and Andy on the same podcast? Zaltzmaniacs rejoice!

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