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Tom from Derby is trying to friend zone an actual friend. He writes:
How do I break up with someone that I’m not in a relationship with? I have an acquaintance that I have nothing in common with and find conversation with him to be very difficult but he wants to go everywhere with me and invites me everywhere and basically comes on too strong. I think I might be his best friend but I don’t consider him more than an acquaintance and that makes me quite sad.
I tried getting to know him a bit better but I definitely don’t enjoy his company. I’ve tried ignoring his daily texts, Facebook messages and emails but they don’t dry up. I’ve tried avoiding him but he knows my haunts and is often there too.
My “friendship” with him is putting a strain on my real friendships and relationship as he keeps turning up the places that we go. He’s not a horrible person (and neither am I) but we just have nothing in common. I don’t want him to be lonely but I don’t want to see him several times a week for the rest of my life and wish he would pursue other friendships with more like-minded people.
We are both straight men – in case you jump to conclusions.
That’s a tricky one, Tom. I think you’re right to avoid engaging in his frequent comms, but it’s possible your aloofness is making this person even more eager to win your affection – like when you ignore a golden retriever, so they bounce all over you at every opportunity rather than playing it cool.
Readers, what would you do? Advise Tom in the comments. But remember to keep your emotional distance.