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Regarding the luxurious arse-wiping asked about in AMT312, Phil from London writes:
I have great news, you too can shit like Simon Cowell and Russell Brand!
Black loo roll is available for a quid a roll.
They (Renova) do other colours as well (and kitchen roll). Lime green, orange, fuscia, yellow and brown.
I am not regular user but have used the black roll; it is a weird experience. The loo is good quality but very odd not being white.
Maybe try the yellow paper, Phil, so you can pretend you’re wiping your bum with a big Post-It Note.