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Bitchy Resting Face has been one of the success stories of the year, but it’s not proving so successful for Leah:
Last weekend whilst discussing my historic lack of success with menfolk, my friend commented that I can’t complain as I do have a “massive fuck-off vibe”.
I’m not denying this for a moment. I spent the entirety of my teenage years carefully cultivating an attitude that I hoped was halfway between Morrissey’s supposed asexuality and Destiny’s Child’s ‘Independent Woman’, as a way, I guess, to hide the fact I was a bit scared of all that funny business.
The thing is, this has kinda stuck and as I approach my twentieth birthday I realise I have absolutely no clue of how to not give the impression that I would rather eat my own vomit than talk to the person trying to chat me up.
It sounds ridiculous, but answer me this: how do I make myself seem more approachable after years of trying to do the exact opposite?
TOO LATE. The wind changed and your face has stuck that way*. By the grand old age of 20, all habits are so deeply ingrained that it’ll be IMPOSSIBLE to change them. Enjoy dying alone, Leah!
Oh, don’t look at me like that, Leah – I’m just joshing, no need for the Murder Stare! By recognising the problem, you’ve already begun to tackle it. Practice in non-pulling situations. For instance: when in the company of other humans, try to arrange your features in such away that they don’t appear hostile. Replicate the open body language of less forbidding characters than you. Learn to ask people a few polite questions about their lives. Feign interest in the answers. If you puke in your mouth, disguise it behind a welcoming smile.
That’s for starters. Readers, what would you recommend Leah try next in her deMorrissification program? Advise in the comments.
*Seriously though, does anyone understand what that expression is about?