Posts Tagged ‘bullshit’

EPISODE 356: pig-faced boy

November 2, 2017

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A questioneer today is in quite the state of consternation after clicking on the link to a friend’s wedding list…and finding a dazzling array of Adult Pleasure Implements. And we’re not talking golf clubs or top-of-the-range espresso machines here. Discover what in Answer Me This! Episode 356, in which we also learn about:

banting
political party conferences
non-fiction novels
the Warrens
NSFW wedding photos (link is SFW)
cheesecake – really a cake?
placenta – really a cake?
Leicester Square – really a square?
haunted pubs – really haunted?
and
the benefits of being an influencer.

And if you work in film and want to discuss a development deal for Candlelight Salad: The Movie, get in touch via the contact details below.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – involves the Cheesecake Factory, and an INCREDIBLE NEW TATER TOT INNOVATION at Denny’s.

Want to hear more from us? There’s the retro AMT episode that lands your feed mid-month – right now you can hear AMT125, in which we learn about why lion tamers use chairs and where witches used to stick their brooms. To get it, subscribe to AMT on your podcatcher of choice. All of our back catalogue is available from answermethisstore.com, along with our special albums.

Thanks to today’s sponsors: first direct, whose online banking services you can find at firstdirect.com; and those stalwarts of podcast support Squarespace. Have a go during the two-week free trial, then get 10% off Squarespace’s website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis or send us a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT357 on 7 December 2017, and with a Retro AMT episode on 23 November.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT356 Child-Friendly Rating: 22%. Question about a wedding list of sexual playthings, so probably not an episode to listen to on the school run. •••

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AMT300!!!!!!!!!1!!

October 16, 2014

AMT300

THE DAY HAS ARRIVED! Answer Me This! Episode 300 is here, in all its tricentennial glory!

You’ve deluged us with questions about AMT300, for example:
“Will it be your last episode?”
“Is it going to feature Gerard Butler and be directed by Zack Snyder?”
“Did you guys ever…you know…?”
“Is it possible to polish a turd?”
“Yeah but seriously guys, is it going to be your last episode?”

Discover all these answers, and many more surprises, by listening to the episode right now via one or all of the following methods:

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

Don’t read below this point if you don’t want spoilers! Listen to the episode first, then come back here and revise its contents.

Alright??

On the slate for AMT300 are such topics as:

our alternate realities if AMT had never existed
evidence of our life of crime
long-term relationships
bumhole problems
mashed potato vs nutmeg
Peter Jackson vs Raymond Carver
bases
nasal honking
hiding your rubber fetish gear
and
garnish.

And the wonderful special guest answerers bending their wisdom to your questions are:

Adam Buxton, the man who made us want to do this podcast. He doles out excellent advice on giving your children The Talk, ridding your kitchen of mouse turds, and changing your whole life to avoid minor annoyances. Enjoy more of Adam’s work on YouTube, on Twitter, and at live shows including BUG.

Sarah Millican, who even manages to make questions about anal fissures sound charming and wholesome. It’s a gift! Her new DVD Home Bird is available for pre-order; she’s writing for the new online magazine Standard Issue, and she dispenses Sarahmillicandour at twitter.com/SarahMillican75.

Jesse and Theresa Thorn, the first couple of podcasting, the power behind the Maximum Fun throne (at MaxFun, they record everything sitting on thrones). Tackling questions upon Americana and parental embarrassment, it’s a rare treat to hear them on a podcast together – but it’s a regular treat to hear them on their own podcasts, which include One Bad Mother, Bullseye, Jordan, Jesse, Go!, Judge John Hodgman… Yeah, it took us nearly eight years to churn out 300 podcasts; they probably do more than that a month. And just in case you needed even more podcast-related excitement on top of this, it’s MaxFunWeek right now, so you can have maximum fun with other podcast aficionados around the world.

Josie Long, who delighted you in AMT84 and returns to do the same, on such matters as losing your virginity, beating procrastination and Lord of the Rings – the latter with the help of her boyfriend Simon of the Picturehouse Podcast. We hope this important matter doesn’t come between them… As well as seeing Josie on stage, you can hear her on her Lost Treasures of the Black Heart podcast, and the new series of Radio 4’s Short Cuts.

Tony Blackburn. TONY. BLACKBURN! Answering YOUR questions and sounding off about wandering eyes, Hobbits and nutmeg! He was the first voice on Radio 1 in 1967, and he currently has shows on Radio 2, BBC Berkshire, BBC London, BBC Three Counties, KMFM, Magic…phew! Switch on a radio, and Blackburn will probably be talking on it. You can also read him at twitter.com/tonyblackburn.

AMT sibling Andy Zaltzman and his Bugle cohort John Oliver, offering advice on christenings, garlic and hanging onto a long term relationship. You can see Andy on tour with his show Satirist for Hire, and you can see John presenting Last Week Tonight on HBO and/or approximately fifteen times a day in your Facebook feed.

Today’s new email jingle is by the Hackney Colliery Band – because there are few things more stirring than a brass band. To see them live and listen to their records, including their new EP Common Decency, visit hackneycollieryband.co.uk.

Our special guest answerers supplied such a lot of marvellous material, there’s a bumper tricentennial Bit of Crap on the App today – extra questions about tattoos, pineapples, balloon animals, taramasalata, adventures, wedgies, and there’s even a cameo from AMT190 superstar Jon Ronson. The app is available for your iDevices, Android or Windows playthings, but since it’s an ‘appy day, you appless can also stream or download it via SoundCloud. Or just play it here:

We could not have done these 300 episodes without you, listeners: without your attention; without your support, financial and emotional; and particularly without your questions. Please keep sending those in: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And do celebrate with us at facebook.com/answermethis or twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Thanks so much for joining us today! We’ll be back with business-as-usual non-landmark AMT301 on 30th October 2014.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT300 Child-Friendly Rating: 1%. No way. •••

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EPISODE 164 – children have got to learn that sometimes they’re WRONG

January 27, 2011

Dear fellows,

Are you keeping calm? Are you carrying on? Because this week, in Answer Me This! Episode 164, we wonder how a morale-boosting WWII poster spawned all of this shit (nb by ‘this shit’ we don’t mean the episode here):


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

But before we get onto that, we talk of:

the G6 Summit
Bruce Wayne’s toilet
Jingle All the Way
Muffin the Mule
bingo wings before bingo wings
kleftiko
Levi Strauss
Tinie Tempah
Club Med vs. opera
synergy vs. symbiosis
pranks vs. sexual harassment
Tape
the fresh air suburb
domesticity, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles-style
Groupon’s discount slaves
Shingai Shoniwa cutlets
and
bat guano.

Furthermore: Olly sees what could have happened to X Factor alumni G4, given a Sliding Doors-style alternative existence; Helen scripts Downton Abbey without ever having seen it; and if you catch Martin the Sound Man scrutinising your crotch when you’re at a public urinal, don’t worry – he’s just conducting a survey. At least, that’s his story, m’lud.

And if that weren’t bad enough news for your genitals, this week’s Bit of Crap on the App is a cautionary tale of how if you go orienteering, you’ll most likely get a stinging nettle on your reproductive organs. Heed that warning on iPhone or Android. Those of you with elderly phones, just remember to keep your pants on AT ALL TIMES. For nature can be so cruel.

Happily, you don’t have to keep your pants on in order to ask us QUESTIONS: all you have to do is send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by dialling 0208 123 5877 or Skyping answermethis.

Actually, it would be better if you kept your pants on. Sorry. We’ve got such sensitive constitutions.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

PS. If you’ve ever done anything particularly G6-like yourself, by all means show off about it in the comments.

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EPISODE 129 – intelligence is multiparametric

April 1, 2010

Praise be for the forthcoming long weekend (even though it’s all thanks to Jesus having copped the death penalty, and we’re not usually fans of capital punishment)! Anyway, if you can find the time between Easter egg hunts, drawing a comedy moustache on the Turin Shroud, or mopping up your stigmata, have a listen to Answer Me This! Episode 129:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

On today’s dance-card are:

Mensa
waxed toilet paper
Harefield
Wario
Sharon Stone’s clever fanny
Supergrass’s supersideburns
pubic papercuts
Alex James and Betty Boo
Love Never Dies
annatto
Andre the Giant
Glenn Miller
Mr Darcy
the defilement of Jo Guest
Hymn-Singing for Dummies.
and
‘Bugger’s grips’.

Plus: Olly proves that putting him in charge of the 2009-10 Swan and Duck Census was not a wise decision; Helen looks like she has emotions, but it’s just a bad case of pins-and-needles; while Martin the Sound Man would never got his DPhil in walking along in a straight line without incident. Crash! Thwomp! Oh, Martin… Anyway, while he’s falling over nonexistant obstacles, you can listen to him doing an interview on the Rewind Podcast in which he talks about the time he banged Tiger Woods his music and stuff.

This week, we would like your ideas for a responsible revenge for Ky from Harrogate to wreak upon his Paypal fraudster; please take yourself to the comments on this post and chip in on the matter. Then, as per, please do ask us QUESTIONS, by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leaving a voicemail on Skype ID answermethis or our question line 0208 123 5877. That would be even more super-sweet than a Creme Egg with a sugar-lump shoved into the fondant.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

PS This week’s jingle challenge entries is one of Olly’s favourites, despite it featuring an enthusiastic rendition of an email address which we don’t actually possess. Nonetheless, take it away, Krista and Heather:

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