Posts Tagged ‘dating’

EPISODE 347: half an eyebrow

February 2, 2017

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Today we mourn. We mourn questioneer Calum’s half-eyebrow, taken from him too soon. Our deepest sympathies, Calum.

Also in Answer Me This! Episode 347, we consider:

getting lucky at potlucks
mugshots
Letchworth Garden City
bread crusts
Ebenezer Howard
Concretopia
the Spirella Building
the Cheap Cottages Exhibition Ideal Home Show
glittery puddings
dead dogs
draining cats
and
vampire bats.

Plus, can we get your input on:
i. Michael Parkinson’s height? Is he 5’10” or over 7′ tall?
ii. Alumni of Olly’s school who are more famous than Olly (and thus also more famous than George Lamb and Sonia Friedman)?
iii. Chocolate fondants looking like parted legs, all sexy-like?

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – there’s a warning about which films to go to see at the cinema if you want to sit next to Olly frigging himself raw. Or which ones to avoid if you don’t.

Do NOT avoid our album AMT Love, in which we talk for an hour about sex and relationships (with some phenomenal musical work by Martin, exclusive to this). It’s available from the AMT store – you can also get it from iTunes and Amazon, if you prefer – along with our other albums and our classic episodes.

BTW, if mention of ‘November Rain’ made you want to hear more, we talk about it in AMT131, so try that one. And don’t forget to subscribe to AMT if you don’t already to receive a monthly Retro AMT episode in your feed!

Keep your ears busy with our other audio projects: Olly has a new one, The Week Unwrapped; Helen’s Allusionist is about to unleash new episodes about romance; and Martin’s Song By Song has reached that Tom Waits song that he had to sue Levi’s over.

Thanks to our friends at Squarespace.com for sponsoring this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year if you use the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS (not your fart noises): call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT348 on 2 March 2017, and with a Retro AMT on 16 February.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT347 Child-Friendly Rating: 30%. A bit vulgar. •••

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L-O-V-E

January 25, 2016

AMT LOVE

Gird your loins, unbutton your emotions, because the Answer Me This! Love album is OUT NOW and begging for your affections.

Buy it from iTunes, Amazon or our own Answer Me This! Store for only £2.99.

The album features a whole hour of love, sex, dating and genitals, and it’s all completely new AMT material that has never appeared on the podcast. Such as:

Is it appropriate to buy sexy clothes for your mum?
How do you make putting on a condom fun?
Just what is in that liquid squirting out of your girlfriend?
When you’ve lost your engagement ring, how best to style it out?
Is your partner’s schoolgirl fetish something you should worry about? It’s not like he’s a teacher – oh, he is? Oh.
How do you set up a blind date when you’re a blind dater?
How can anyone feel horny at the prospect of a vagina bristling with sharp, spiky horns?
What’s the best point of a wedding ceremony to call it off?
How do they come up with all those lines on Take Me Out?
What is your exhibitionist housemate really trying to show you?
How many holes should there be in a penis?

Here’s a little preview:

Any further questions?

Is this album suitable for me if I’m not at all in the mood for love, sex, or interacting with humanity at all?
YES. If all these people were having such a great time, they wouldn’t be writing to us, would they?

Is this album child-friendly?
HELL NO.

Will this album teach me what it’s like to have the Olly Mann Valentine’s Experience?
YES.

Will Helen say the word ‘urethra’ so many times, I will feel a bit sick?
MAYBE.

You can get it from iTunes and Amazon, but if you want all of your money to go to us and none to Megacorp, buy it directly from the AMT Store.

AMTStorebuy it now buttonbuy it now button

Hear the other AMT albums at answermethispodcast.com/albums

 

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tower of romance

December 10, 2015

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT328

When romance and real life collide, problems happen, such as this one befalling Dave:

I recently became single after being with my ex for a bit over 3 years and I decided to try out some dating websites.

I was chatting for a few days with a girl and felt like it was going well, so I asked if she’d be prepared to meet up. And she was! So, we arranged to meet at Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth in about a week and a half. We didn’t actually set a time and she didn’t give me her number, but she said she was looking forward to it.

Then today (a couple of days later) I’ve seen that she has deleted her profile on the site where I met her so I have no way of getting in touch.

I guess I can do nothing and should just forget about it, but it occurred to me that if this was a film or a music video I’d go to Spinnaker Tower anyway and just wait there all day in case she does show up. Answer me this, do people actually do that in real life and should I?

Readers, sprint to the comments and weigh in: to live like a romcom, or to accept one has been ghosted?

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Tinder help

October 13, 2015
Woman receiving roses online

Woman receiving roses online

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT324

Having been in the same relationships since the heyday of dial-up, none of us is qualified to answer the following questions; so if you’re a seasoned internet dater, we’d be very grateful to you if you’d shimmy over to the comments to advise the following questioneers.

Liam, 27, from London writes:

I’ve recently jumped back into the dating pool after having been in a relationship for the past 8 years, and like many people of my age group I’ve been using online dating to help me meet new people. Yesterday a girl that I’ve gone out with a few times (and gotten to know in the biblical sense) posted a picture on Facebook with one of her friends who I recognised as someone that only a day earlier I had matched with on Tinder.

So answer me this: What is the etiquette here? Should I tell the girl I’ve been seeing that her friend and I have both looked at pictures of each other and said “Yes I would?” Should I block the friend on Tinder in case things with this girl go well and hope that she doesn’t recognise me should we ever meet? Or should I gamble on the higher likelihood of them not making the connection together and just do nothing at all?

This doesn’t seem particularly controversial – or are we showing our Tinder innocence?

Daniel in West Sussex also requires your assistance:

Over the past few months after thinking about my current single status and lack of girls in my life I’ve reluctantly begun using the popular dating app Tinder.

Although I’ve made sure the pictures are the best they can be and had them approved by a friend and despite getting several matches over the past few months, I’ve not managed to have a two way conversation with any of them. I’ve tried saying the standard “Hi, how are you?” And even moved to the more imaginative, “Hi, great to meet you. How’s your day going?” I’ve had literally no response from any of these women. I think the trouble is I can’t really think of anything that I think might be appropriate to send that may get a response.

So answer me this: what could I say to someone on Tinder that might get a response and a conversation going? And is there anything I could possibly do to get more matches? Only had six in the past few months.

Go on. These people need you to be the Virgil guiding them through the nine circles of Tinder.

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EPISODE 312: phonemes gone wild

April 16, 2015

Steel yourself, because you’ll never look at highlighter pen(i)s in the same way again after you hear Answer Me This! Episode 312:

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Today we learn about:

working in Antarctica
Jews for Jesus
props in the House of Commons
Thomas Jefferson’s ice cream recipe
gold toilet paper
despatch boxes
Queen Elizabeth Land
not looking dodgy at night
House of Cards
Adolf Hitler, Bible-bomber
yogurt vs yoghurt vs yoghourt
the Guardian Style Guide
and
Quiztina Aguilera.

Plus: Olly’s pub quiz victory strategy is ruined by cocks; Helen would rather swear on the dictionary than the Bible; and Martin the Sound Man is vanilla-blind. Quick, throw a benefit gala for him!

There’s bonus Jews for Jesus jazz in today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, available for iThings, Android and Windows gadgets.

Be a dear and send us your questions: leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our online pal at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Thanks very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you use the code ‘ANSWER‘.

We’ll return on 30th April 2015 with AMT313, please return too!

Helen & Olly

••• AMT312 Child-Friendly Rating: 21%. Martin the Sound Man deploys the word ‘cunty’ in the first couple of minutes, but in protest at poor provision of services for the visually impaired, which is a cause your children ought to support. Shortly followed by a discussion of crude cock’n’balls drawings, with which the average child will already be more than familiar. Question about penis size at the end of the show. While the content is clean in between the penis references at either end of the show, there are a few swears sprinkled throughout. In sum: not an episode to enjoy on the school run.•••

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EPISODE 306: sitting down is the new smoking

January 22, 2015

Fire up your podblasters; Answer Me This! Episode 306 has arrived:

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Today we consider:

Ainsley Harriott
Extreme Wink Murder
standing desks
Britney Spears’s haircare range
Barry Norman’s pickled onions
Paul Simon’s chicken and eggs
yellow dusters
skateboarding and similar activities
having ‘a bit of fun’ on Tinder
and
Chicken Kiev.

Plus: Olly’s madeleine is the Bernard Matthews Mini Kiev; Helen is sitting all the way to skating glory; and Martin the Sound Man preaches discretion when encountering colleagues on Tinder. Got something to confess, Martin?

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App is another Stanley Mann Special, this time how he’s way ahead of his time with fashion trends. Full of surprises, that Mann. Hear on your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets.

We welcome your questions with open arms and legs. Ask them by leaving voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or sending emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Do not bother to ask them via facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly, because we might forget about them when it comes to the fortnightly question-harvest; but we do love to hear from you there nonetheless.

Thanks very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you use the code ‘answer’. WHERE’S THE ALL THE SHIT HIDING??? WHERE IS IT, I ASK YOU? Nowhere! No shit there at all! If only all of life were more like shitless Squarespace…

We’ll be back with AMT307 on 5th February, return then.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT306 Child-Friendly Rating: 47%. Quite a few swears. Some crudity towards the end, involving One Direction’s bodily fluids, polishing wood, and Tinder. •••

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Best of AMT 2014

December 18, 2014

AMT three
Listeners, thank you so much for contributing your attention, questions and eartime to us this year. What a year it has been! Relisten to the highlights – and lowlights, including such annual delights as the Parade of Melancholy Calls and the blooper reel – in The Best of Answer Me This! 2014:

 

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just £1.99 at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

So many precious moments… Create more of them in 2015 by sending us your QUESTIONS: leave a message on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or send an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

By the way, if you have the AMT app on your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets, you have access to all the previous AMT Best Ofs. For those of you who are app-less, you can obtain these joyous compilations from answermethisstore.com/best. Also at the AMT store, iTunes and Amazon, you can buy our albums and old episodes – the perfect festive gift for the AMT fan, ie you, and the perfect gift for us, ie money to continue making the show next year.

Another Christmas gift we would love is for you to tell a friend about the show! There are still a few billion people in the world who are yet to hear it, so do your bit to remedy this sad situation.

We’ll be back on Thursday 8th January 2015 with AMT305; in the meantime, behave yourselves, and keep in touch at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Byeeeeee!!!

Helen & Olly

••• Best of AMT2014 Child-Friendly Rating: 50%. Patchily suitable for all ears. The risk is yours. •••

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Thursday Listening Party

September 11, 2014

On the Thursdays we don’t release a new AMT, we crank up the spoken word audio and have a Thursday Listening Party.
Click here to attend all previous gatherings.

200_s

Noises from home:

Exciting news: Martin’s got a new album coming out on Saturday! Go here to preview three of the tracks and to buy; it’s £5 to preorder but pay what you want when it is released. Or, if you are a retronaut who prefers your music on a physical format, wait a couple more weeks and then buy one of the forthcoming limited-edition CDs with a handmade papercut sleeve (if you follow Martin on Instagram, you may have seen some sneak peeks).

There’s a new news-themed episode of the Sound Women podcast, in which Olly’s LBC colleague Petrie Hosken tells me how she felt safer nearly getting kidnapped as a war correspondent in Bosnia than as a woman working in British radio. Good times!

Apparently there’s been some Royal News this week? [Shrug] It’s an ongoing mystery at AMT that none of us give a shit about the royal family, and yet questions about them are always fruitful on the podcast. So whether you give shits or not, have a go on the Answer Me This! Jubilee album for an hour of regal hijinks.

Noises from elsewhere:

The show Strangers is always worth your time, but particularly the recent Love Hurts episodes (part 1 and part 2), in which Lea Thau transforms the question ‘Why are you single?’ from an awful thing Smug Marrieds say to a very personal and reflective investigation into why she has been reluctantly single for the past four years. At least, judging by the exes who appear on the show, she’s dated some Good Sports during that time…

From Strangers to friends: I really enjoyed this Woman’s Hour/Men’s Hour collaboration all about friendship. Of course, they cover the When Harry Met Sally adage that men and women can’t be friends, which Olly and I have been disproving throughout our fourteen-year friendship. If you need additional on-air partnerships as evidence, I direct you to the programme’s guest Geoff Lloyd, whose brilliant Hometime Show on Absolute Radio with Annabel Port crackles with sexless tension.

Various AMT friends have been busy piping up this week. Ruth Barnes from Amazing Radio made a terrific Radio 4 documentary about folk singer Judee Sill, who had a beautiful voice and a tragic mess of a short life.

And finally: I was thrilled to hear two AMTpals and primo podcasters team up, when Little AtomsNeil Denny went on Dave Pickering‘s Getting Better Acquainted. They talk about reading books, prayer, and masturbation – all the solitary entertainments, really.

I’m always listening out for shows to try; please recommend some in the comments.

PS In case you missed it: my Bugling brother Andy and I were interviewed by the Guardian about why the Zaltzman family communicates in jokes rather than human emotions. Click here to read it.

Tune in to our various other gigs:

Catch up on AMT297 and the episodes preceding it.
AMT episodes 1-170 and the special AMT albums are all available for a piddling little price at answermethisstore.com, and if you buy any of them you’re bankrolling the podcast, for which we are extremely grateful.
Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. Set your alarm.
I host the monthly Sound Women podcast and am on Let’s Talk About Tech from BBC 5 Live.
Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train, The Global Lab and The Sound of the Ladies.

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father and son

July 22, 2014

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT293

Another listener has found herself in a sex pickle. Inger writes:

When my last relationship ended after two years, I decided to do some proper dating (following an acceptable period of “grief”, of course) and a few weeks into the dating life I found myself dating two men regularly at the same time. One of these men was around 25 years older than me and the other my own age, and as I am a honest person I told both men that I was dating the other.

After about 6 weeks I went to the older man’s house for dinner, and as I arrived he was still cooking (a fantastic three-course meal) so I wandered around in his house looking at pictures and trinkets he had in his shelves. I reached a shelf with photos of him and a little boy, I figured it was his son (whom I did not know about) and as I moved along the shelf the little boy grew older and to my horror I realized (about mid-shelf) that it was the other man I was dating.

I sat through the whole dinner knowing that I was dating his son as well and then came up with the fastest excuse to get me out of there. So, Helen and Olly, answer me this: what is the hell do I do now?

Firstly, Inger, check you’re not starring in a sitcom.

Secondly, find some other people to date and discard both of these men immediately. Unless you want your life to turn into an actual farce, you don’t want to keep seeing one of them in case the relationship becomes serious and you have to endure a hideous meeting-the-family scenario – and all the subsequent meetings with the family forever after. And really, would you be able to cavort sexually with either of them again without being beset by such thoughts as, “Hey, my other lover came out of those very nuts!” or, “That’s not as big as his dad’s”?

Don’t worry about them too much, they can comfort each other.

Readers, what would you do? Become celibate? Keep this set-up going? Sell your story to Chat magazine? Elaborate in the comments.

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dating as do-gooding

July 2, 2014

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT292

Here’s a question from an anonymous 22-year-old lady from Boston:

I am a bisexual young lady who has just moved to Boston. As is unremarkable for someone of my generation and sexual appetite, I have an online dating profile on OKCupid.

To put it bluntly, I fulfil societal standards of beauty. I modelled for some years. I get asked out on this website multiple times a day – and usually decline because of disinterest (more often then not because a lot of men here fetishise my race).

Here’s the kicker. I am a dedicated to animal welfare and also the promotion of sex education – in a land where the Republicans have slapped their sexually suppressed balls all over the school system.

Answer me this: should I start accepting dates from people I’d usually be disinterested in if the man/woman sends me a screenshot of a donation to the ASPCA/Planned Parenthood? e.g. ’50 bucks to support birth control for poor women, and let’s go for drinks!’

I am a broke graduate without much money to support these organisations myself, but I can help in other ways than volunteering, right? Does this count as prostitution?

What do you reckon, readers? Would our anonymous hottie exchanging her company for charitable donations be smart altruistic leverage of the current situation, or would the people paying for the dates merely think they’re getting an escort for an unusually good price? Express your opinions in the comments (£10 to Marie Curie Cancer Care per comment).

At the very least, if she does do this, the questioneer would be guaranteed to be featured in an article on Jezebel. They can’t get enough of dating experiment stories.

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cheap dates

June 4, 2014

signs-of-a-bad-date

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT290

It seems you lot have mixed experiences of cheap dates. Jess, 21, from West London, seems quite positive:

In AMT290, Alan from Dublin asked about the use Groupon Vouchers on dates. I thought I’d throw in my two cents as someone who likes to feel like they’re being made a fuss of, but also like they’re not taking the piss – make it clear it’s a groupon voucher, but go for something a bit wacky date-wise! “How would you like to go Go-Karting this weekend? I got a groupon voucher and I thought it would be fun” type thing. That way it doesn’t sound cheap and it comes across as a more inventive date than the run of the mill “dinner and a movie” type crap.

Gen from Adelaide, however, is not so keen:

You talked this week about the appropriateness of using vouchers to purchase two-for-one meal deals on dates? We have similar schemes here in Oz, and can be quite handy, if a group of friends are going out for a meal. My sister sent me on a blind date with one of her colleagues a few years ago, and the ‘gentleman’ in question took me to a semi-posh cafe for lunch. He said he would pay for the meals in a kind of a ‘aren’t I the magnanimous one’ way and then proceeded to pull out his voucher book.

Hmmm, I thought, that’s unusual. Then, to avoid any awkwardness, I went up and got the drinks, and also paid for the coffees at the end, which cost about $30. I won’t bore you with the in-between bits, suffice to say that I had to listen to the guy talk about himself non-stop for two hours.

At the end, I happened to glance at the receipt from the meals, and realized that he’d only spent about $18. By the time we got back to my house, it was all I could do to stop myself jumping out of the car and running inside and locking all of the doors and windows – he was clearly expecting a little ‘afternoon delight’ – and unsurprisingly we never met again. So, if you want to impress a woman on a first date, I say a definite ‘no!’ to the use of restaurant vouchers.

It’s a bit unfair to blame that on the vouchers rather than the boring talk – but perhaps that is a valuable lesson to absorb: even if the meal is heavily discounted, the chat action should still be 100%.

Also, producing a voucher BOOK is far from suave. In the same non-sexy vein as pulling out a pocket calculator to determine your exact share of the bill.

Readers, answer me this: what IS the best way to impress somebody on a cheap date? I’ll buy 30% of a coffee for the person who gives the best advice.

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EPISODE 290 – knish you wanna be my lover

May 22, 2014

Victoria Beckham's jumpsuit, from listener Bee's collection

Victoria Beckham’s jumpsuit, from listener Bee’s collection


Hi listeners,

Above is a sacred relic from the 90s: Victoria Beckham’s jumpsuit, from the post-Geri era of the Spice Girls. It’s also a sacred relic of the 90s, in that it’s from Answer Me This! Episode 290, which is here:

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Other souvenirs of today’s episode include:

Wenlock and Mandeville
Michael Jackson’s Xscape
Groupon dates
geeks vs twats
Jay Z vs Siri
the Spice Girls’ girl power vs Shampoo’s ‘Girl Power’
the Olympic Pool
bubblegum flavour
birthday cake flavour
wintergreen flavour
Professor Burp’s Bubbleworks
the true price of Beats by Dre headphones
the Oscar Wilde prosecution restaurant
sleuths
and
Michael Phelps’s wet swimming trunks.

Plus: Olly teaches a child empathy, through Robbie Williams; Helen comes up with a strong concept for the Spice Girls’ fourth album; and Martin the Sound Man reckons going up Anish Kapoor’s Olympic Meccano-crash would be cheap at a third of the price. What IS a bargain is Squarespace.com, who are offering you 10% off for a whole year if you use the code Answer when plumping for their website-building and -hosting services. And the great thing about the 90% you pay is that some of it ends up supporting independent podcasts like this one! Hurrah all round.

In today’s Bit of Crap on the App, Olly voices his disappointment over the ubiquity of Emeli Sandé. Our app is almost as readily available for your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.

Please make your questions readily available by calling the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our online buddy at facebook.com/answermethis and/or twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Back with AMT291 on Thursday 5th June,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT290 Child-Friendly Rating: 95%. Pretty clean – possibly even entirely free of swears – although there is a fleeting reference to a Wenlock and Mandeville sex toy towards the end. •••

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