Posts Tagged ‘dogs’

EPISODE 347: half an eyebrow

February 2, 2017

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computerStream AMT! on Spotify soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

Today we mourn. We mourn questioneer Calum’s half-eyebrow, taken from him too soon. Our deepest sympathies, Calum.

Also in Answer Me This! Episode 347, we consider:

getting lucky at potlucks
mugshots
Letchworth Garden City
bread crusts
Ebenezer Howard
Concretopia
the Spirella Building
the Cheap Cottages Exhibition Ideal Home Show
glittery puddings
dead dogs
draining cats
and
vampire bats.

Plus, can we get your input on:
i. Michael Parkinson’s height? Is he 5’10” or over 7′ tall?
ii. Alumni of Olly’s school who are more famous than Olly (and thus also more famous than George Lamb and Sonia Friedman)?
iii. Chocolate fondants looking like parted legs, all sexy-like?

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – there’s a warning about which films to go to see at the cinema if you want to sit next to Olly frigging himself raw. Or which ones to avoid if you don’t.

Do NOT avoid our album AMT Love, in which we talk for an hour about sex and relationships (with some phenomenal musical work by Martin, exclusive to this). It’s available from the AMT store – you can also get it from iTunes and Amazon, if you prefer – along with our other albums and our classic episodes.

BTW, if mention of ‘November Rain’ made you want to hear more, we talk about it in AMT131, so try that one. And don’t forget to subscribe to AMT if you don’t already to receive a monthly Retro AMT episode in your feed!

Keep your ears busy with our other audio projects: Olly has a new one, The Week Unwrapped; Helen’s Allusionist is about to unleash new episodes about romance; and Martin’s Song By Song has reached that Tom Waits song that he had to sue Levi’s over.

Thanks to our friends at Squarespace.com for sponsoring this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year if you use the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS (not your fart noises): call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT348 on 2 March 2017, and with a Retro AMT on 16 February.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT347 Child-Friendly Rating: 30%. A bit vulgar. •••

STOREALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 339: The Master Baker

September 8, 2016

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computerStream AMT! on Spotify soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

All hail the greatest Middleton sibling – not the one that begat the next generation of royals; not the one with 2011’s favourite bottom; the Marshmallow King!

He appears in Answer Me This! Episode 339, alongside such topics as:

Jaffa cakes
Pringles cakes
The Great British Bake Off vs the Pillsbury Bake-Off
QR codes
MILF money
emergency services before 999
Thomas Edison electrocuting animals (but not an elephant)
spotted dick dogs
and
the state of being on fleek.

Plus: Olly would happily forgo the best thing about Dalmatians, the wally; Helen ponders making an augmented reality patchwork quilt; and Martin the Sound Man needs praise ASAP – it’s an emergency!

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available on iThings, Android and Windows devices – sees Helen trying to get in on the Pippa Middleton party book business.

For more royal infotainment, get the AMT Jubilee album from answermethisstore.com, where you can also find our other albums, and our first 200 episodes. If you need further noises in your life, get yourself a free audiobook at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

Today’s episode was sponsored by the whacking great text adventure game Fallen London, which you can play in browser or app; but you’ll get some in-game freebies if you sign up at failbettergames.com/answers.

To send us questions for future episodes, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back on 22 September with AMT340,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT339 Child-Friendly Rating: 57%
Mentions drug use and contains a couple of strong swears, but no bawdy talk. •••


STOREALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 338: space cake

August 25, 2016

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computerStream AMT! on Spotify soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

Your mother’s been given some free space cake but she doesn’t want to fail her workplace’s random drug tests. What should she do? In Answer Me This! Episode 338, we tackle this question as well as such issues as:

Olympic medals
Olympic rings
human urine vs cat urine
marriage vs Masada
capital city compromises
having a lot of weddings
popping your pussy
pole vault penis problems
IKEA product names
and
things to do with egg yolks.

Plus: Olly’s interest in sport is exhausted for another four years; Helen would rather be left with a yolk than an eggwhite; and Martin the Sound Man’s feet are irresistible to Harvey Mann. Another Fergie-style scandal in the making?

If, like Harvey, you can’t get enough of Martin the Sound Man, get our app – available on iThings, Android and Windows devices – because today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App is the tale of Martin’s recent triumphant mission to Coinstar. Guess how much! Go on, guess!

And guess how many classic episodes of AMT await you at answermethisstore.com? 200! If you buy any of them, or our special albums – eg the AMT Sports Day or Answer Me This! Holiday or AMT Love – you’re both audiotaining yourself AND helping to support the show. Likewise if you get yourself a free audiobook at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

To send us questions for future episodes, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back on 8 September with AMT339,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT338 Child-Friendly Rating: 27%
Contains sex, drugs and swearing. •••


STOREALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 335: you cannot patent drinking and urinating

July 14, 2016

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer Stream AMT! on Spotifysoundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

Who let the dogs out? And who got the dogs stoned? We address these very important canine questions in Answer Me This! Episode 335, along with others more about:

Lego love, lost
wedding gambling
Soda Stream vs Nutribullet
pissing dolls vs pissing Elmo
theatre-adjacent Italian restaurants
the Crystal Palace pizza district
Tony Awards for Tonys
Oscar Isaac
Oscar Hammerstein II
and
Oscar seatfillers.

Plus: Olly is DONE with Star Wars, so don’t even bother; Helen is waiting for the Emmys to introduce a podcasting category; and Martin the Sound Man could improve his gifting game.

Need something to ease you off the thrill of the Wimblesport, or hype you up for the imminent Olympics? Try the AMT Sports Day album from answermethisstore.com, where you can also purchase our other albums and episodes 1-200 – including AMTs 186 and 187 for the full Owl City experience by proxy. And remember to get your free audiobook at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

To send us questions for future episodes, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back on 28 July with AMT336,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT335 Child-Friendly Rating: 72%. Only a swear or two, but there is discussion of drugs, gambling and disrespectful sexual behaviour. •••

STOREALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

dog sitting

September 17, 2015

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT322

Anonymous Man is dogged by the following problem:

I recently offered to look after my aunt and uncle’s dog while they are away on holiday. I’m a student, and my timetable for that week is really quiet, so I thought I’d be nice and offer to do it.

I had assumed, although it wasn’t discussed, that they would give me some payment in return for me taking a week of my time to do this. It would cost them at least £150 to put him in kennels, but they would never do that as they would be worried he’d get upset in kennels. They earn a decent wage, could easily afford to pay me something, and without me doing this they wouldn’t be able to go on holiday.

It has however became apparent that they don’t intend on paying me for this. My gran spoke to them and asked if I was getting paid, to which the response was, “Oh no, he offered to do it, why would we give him anything?” She feels I should be getting paid, but that it would be rude for her to suggest they paid me something. I feel that although money wasn’t discussed up front, a week of my time is at least worth something, and I shouldn’t need to ask about it.

So answer me this: am I being unreasonable to expect that I should be at least getting something for my time, and is there any way in which I can tactfully ask for them to pay me? My dad would probably do it, but I don’t really want to put him in an awkward situation. Or am I just being greedy?

This is why you always negotiate the finances up front!

It’s too bad your gran didn’t push a little further, since she’d already made some inroads. See if she’ll act as your agent, in return for a cut of the resulting fee. Maybe she can play hardball and not only push up the money, but also persuade them to throw in some deluxe snacks.

But it is awkward to talk about money and even more awkward to have the awkward money conversation with family members, since any unresolved awkwardness now will return with interest at Christmas. Readers, what would you do? Advise Anonymous Man in the comments.

ALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESBOOKiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 309: Have It Your Way

March 5, 2015

We’re a crossword clue and a powerful influence upon Burger King’s business plans; what might Answer Me This! Episode 309 wreak?

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

On today’s agenda:

existential cats vs existential dogs
Garfield vs Falstaff
Gotham vs Gotham
cookies vs soup
Woodstock
Shazam at funerals
Audrey Hepburn’s pet fawn
Tippi Hedren’s pet lion
Mike Tyson’s pet tiger
Mike Tyson’s pet pigeons
Nicolas Cage’s pet octopus
baked bean baths
Cuckoo Bush Mound
stage weapons
sexy spaghetti
and
Olly’s ABSOLUTELY UNCANNY impression of Ben Affleck as Batman.

Plus: here’s our previous work on the origins of Gotham City; here’s some advice for you if you’re planning a sexy spagetti bath; let us know what your most uncomfortable and gross charity endeavour was; and would you whip out your phone to Shazam this song during a funeral?

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (get it for iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets) there’s a little more about the history of Gotham. We think we’ve triangulated where Catwoman is pursuing her postgrad education.

Send us questions, please! Leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You can also keep us company online at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We’ll be back on 19th March 2015 with AMT310, hopefully you will be too.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT309 Child-Friendly Rating: 70%. The language is coarse, but the content isn’t particularly. •••

ALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESBOOKiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 296 – Mammary Ridge

August 21, 2014

AMT legs
Are you ready to hear who’s the winner of AMT295‘s beauty pageant in which the only entrants are the knee-to-ankle portions of Olly and Martin? You ARE? Then waste no time – listen to Answer Me This! Episode 296 (which some would argue IS wasting time. Those people can shut their damn cake-holes):

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

Today we discuss:

having a kip
Kendal Mint Cake
The Great British Bake Off leftovers
Louis XIV
ballet vs gymnastics
Bill Callahan vs Barry Manilow
Catherine de Medici
Matthew Bourne
Barnoon Cemetery
Prague’s Old Jewish Cemetery
A Chorus Line‘s sweaty gussets
Mary Berry’s Lemon Curd Surge
extra nipples
and
Gromit.

Plus: Olly’s not taking trip advice from Tripadvisor; Helen admits to being a philistine about ballet; and Martin the Sound Man recommends a lovely holiday touring London’s most beautiful burial grounds.

In today’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android or Windows gadgetry), we continue workshopping our Cynical Statistician Catches The Bride’s Bouquet film, with a little stop to revist Britney and Kevin: Chaotic. (Fun fact: they got married on the very same day as Helen’s brother Andy. Sadly, there’s no shitty reality show about Andy’s nuptuals.)

If you’re not too busy shanking people in the supermarket scrum for freeze-dried raspberries, send us QUESTIONS: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our imaginary friend at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

And finally, big thanks to this episode’s sponsors Squarespace.com, without whom website-building would be a far uglier business. For 10% off their services for a whole year, enter the code Answer.

We will return with AMT297 on 4th September, and we hope you do too.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT296 Child-Friendly Rating: 42%. Several swears. Intermission concerns waxen genitalia, but at least we use some long words in it. Saucy remarks about Mary Berry. •••

Ooh Mary, behave

Ooh Mary, behave

ALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESBOOKiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

raccoon poop problem

June 30, 2014

Ready for the catch

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT292

In AMT292 we left Pat from Canada pissing around her garden to keep raccoons away. But Sara from California but living in the Ozarks has another solution:

I have a solution for Pat’s raccoon poop problem and that is to get a large dog. Or perhaps a small one, but ours is large. Raccoons used to use the chimney of my parents’ backyard fireplace as a toilet. I can even remember my dad building a wooden pyramid to cover it in an unsuccessful attempt to prevent the raccoon menace. As soon as we got a dog, the raccoons disappeared. The chimney is the current dog’s barking-at-cats stand.

It’s not a flawless solution: even if you eliminate the raccoon poop, you’ll still be left with a load of dog poop. And what if the dog doesn’t deter the raccoons at all? Look how well these two are getting along!

larry-anna1

If that happens, Pat, here’s a guide to caring for your new pet raccoons. In brief: don’t let them eat too many sweets; don’t smack them; and don’t let them chew through your electrical cords. Now we know.

ALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESBOOKiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 264 – Roger Federer’s urine

July 25, 2013

SchnorbitzHello listeners,

Today, in Answer Me This! Episode 264, we pretend to remember the most beloved 20th century canine entertainer. No, not Lassie! No, not Rin Tin Tin. No, not Columbo’s Basset hound… Alright, one of the Top 40 (give or take) most beloved 20th century canine entertainers: Schnorbitz.

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer soundcloud-icon our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

We also discuss:

Skee-Lo‘s wishes
open-air Shakespeare
dumping your cat-sitter
perfect picnics
barley water
pina colada-scented dog shampoo
manly smells
Johnny Depp vs. Sean Maguire
AMT classic episodes vs. Casablanca
eating in front of Keane and Suede
The Psychopath
and
macaroni collages.

Plus: Olly is a human salad, with the Body Shop providing the dressing (but don’t put any strawberries in it!); Helen makes things other than podcasts; and Martin the Sound Man resolves to suspend his scepticism. We’re sure that’ll last more than 0 minutes.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, which is available for iDevices and Android, we consider the Bacardi Bat and its similarity to Captain Birdseye. Certainly if we were choosing one of them as the voice of a joke Twitter account, we’d go for the one that can at least communicate in words. Sonar doesn’t translate well to tweets.

If you would like us to translate your QUESTIONS into podcast, send them to us as voicemails deposited on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT264 Child-Friendly Rating: 50%. Bit of swearing, short discussion about sex, plus a section about a dead dog. Children do get upset by dead dogs.

ALBUMSCLASSIC EPISODESBOOKiTUNESSOUNDCLOUDFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 252 – the Northern version of crop circles

April 11, 2013

Isy photo 3

Happy Special Guest Episode day, listeners! For today, in Answer Me This! Episode 252, we are delighted to be joined by Isy Suttie:

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

With Isy we discuss:

allowable celebrity shags
A Level revision tips (caution: may not work)
buying condoms
slapping your thighs with mirth
emu pasta
Twitter by osmosis
clean-up dogs
neighbourly mysteries
the curious habits of Seann Walsh
Dans le Noir
cheese vs. butter
online bingo vs. offline bingo
otters vs. bears vs. gummy bears
the ‘Roseanne Barr type’
beetle drives
and
Roald Dahl’s Magic Finger.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we learn more about the pitfalls of fantasy crushes – especially when they’re on Isy – then address a question from James about why girls wear school ties when adult women rarely wear ties (Diane Keaton and Janelle Monae notwithstanding).

If this episode makes you wish for more Isy, her new series Love Letters is on Radio 4 Extra and will be on Radio 4 at the end of April; the latest and last series of Shameless is airing on Channel 4; her recent Sky Living musical comedy Miss Wright is still available on your Skyboxes; and Peep Show is always worth a rewatch.

It’s always worth sending us your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Furnished with those, we shall return next Thursday with AMT253.

Helen & Olly

PS Click here to hear our previous special guest episodes.

ALBUMSiTUNESCLASSIC EPISODESBOOKQUESTION ARCHIVEFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 247 – farcically flaccid

February 21, 2013

H&O strangulation

FEAST YOUR EYES.

What a surprise the publishers of our book decided not to use this picture! Granted, their usual style of authorial portrait is usually a little more contemplative, a tad more restrained. But they probably thought that to print an image of such timeless, exquisite beauty on the cover of our book would be unfair on all the other books.

Yes. That must have been the reasoning.

To find out why we have unleashed this aesthetics gamechanger, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 247:

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

Today we discuss:

forked tongues
Liv Tyler’s tits
holiday snaps
smoking vs. self-pleasuring
Pot Noodles vs. aquariums
Armageddon vs. Les Miserables
menageries vs. mono-nageries
corgis’ Christmas
Lion Tower
Bruce Willis in a space suit
and
bedroom antics.

Plus: Olly reveals how the Queen helped Kate and Willsher dogs to mate; Helen’s holiday photo albums all look like this; and Martin the Sound Man ejaculates through his tear ducts, apparently.

As an extension of the final questioneer’s bath masturbation query, this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) considers what else you can do in a bath, if said bath is in Las Vegas. Clue: cleanliness is unlikely to be the most immediate concern.

Our immediate concern is, of course, gathering your QUESTIONS: email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.

Pre-finally, do remember to check out Neil Denny interviewing us on Little Atoms podcast. Finally, get yourself a free Audible audiobook now!

Post-finally, farewell until next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

ALBUMSiTUNESCLASSIC EPISODESBOOKQUESTION ARCHIVEFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH

EPISODE 235 – good British pizza

November 1, 2012

YES. There are still a few days left till the polls, so America, put all your support behind one AMTfan’s campaign to get Helen’s mum to be your president.

Also, everybody everywhere, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 235:

Subscribe to AMT! on iTunes listen to the MP3 through your computer our podcast feed on Libsyn Share with Facebook

Today we consider:

the phrase ‘When in Rome’
in-store radio stations
Jim Carrey’s canine car
auto-appendectomies
Paul the psychic octopus
Daryl Denim
supermarket censorship
James Bond’s eccentric tastes
and
money-grabbing Methodist missionaries.

Plus: Olly looks into his political crystal ball and sees Condi there; Helen broke a letter chain as a child, so little wonder she is a lonely layabout now; and Martin the Sound Man needs to delete his search history before we all find out why he knows such a lot about horse fluffers.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we examine how the scandal raging around Jimmy Savile could have devastating effects…upon the cement industry.

If you’d like to see us hold forth about podcasting in front of a very yellow Powerpoint presentation, click here to view the video of our talk at Next Radio. And/or if you would like us to return next week with more AMT, send us QUESTIONS: email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com; leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.

See you next Thursday!

Helen & Olly

ALBUMSiTUNESCLASSIC EPISODESBOOKQUESTION ARCHIVEFAQ
iPHONE APPANDROID APPFACEBOOKTWITTERYOUTUBEMERCH