Posts Tagged ‘Germany’

EPISODE 354: Magic Jeff

September 7, 2017

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There’s MAGIC! all over Answer Me This! Episode 354: how to MAGICALLY transform a banana into a sliced banana, how to MAGICALLY turn an egg into an egg IN A BOTTLE, and how to MAGICALLY turn an adolescent boy into a hit with the ladies. We also learn about:

sugar nips (not a Mel Gibson expression)
the bad taste left by Jägermeister, in more than one sense
Mount Fuji vs freakshakes
Sugarloaf Mountain(s)
Jean-Eugene Robert-Houdin
intelligent disobedience
wedding injuries – for photos, see below
kings of the jungle place where lions live
magic wands
and
thank you very much for feeding William, thank you very much, thank you very very very much.

Plus: Olly recaps the origins of his lifelong feud with Wales; Helen does not want to learn magic tricks to break the ice at parties (also does not want to go to parties); and Martin the Sound Man can be found behind a veil of steam rising from a Szechuan hotpot.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we learn what it takes to make Olly crack up on air: hepatitis.

Want to hear more from us? There’s the retro AMT episode we lob into your feed mid-month – right now you can hear the crowd favourite AMT186, containing the last known sighting of Owl City; to get it, subscribe to AMT on your podcatcher of choice. All of our back catalogue is available from answermethisstore.com, along with our special albums.

Come to the London Podcast Festival next month: tickets are on sale now for Helen’s live Allusionist and Martin’s Song By Song, featuring Helen and John Hodgman. And Helen will appear with her brother Andy on the live Bugle, in Jordan Jesse Go, in Radiotopia on Radiotopia, and the Networks and Representation panel; so give yourself a very Zaltzman weekend of entertainment.

Thank you very much, thank you very very very much to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode, and for making spiffy websites so easy to build. Do as Martin did: play around during the two-week free trial, then get 10% off Squarespace’s website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis or send us a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT355 on 5 October 2017, and with a Retro AMT episode on 22 September.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT354 Child-Friendly Rating: 78%. Not bad! Just a handful of swears, and a question about the demon booze. •••

PS Any more wedding injury photos like these, from Jon and Lorelei (wedding chair) and Courtney (wedding croquet mallet):

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EPISODE 315: jazz dab

May 28, 2015

Are you ready to get your stonk on? (Whatever that actually means.) Then listen to Answer Me This! Episode 315:

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Today we deal with:

caffeine overdoses
the Lotto Drawmaster’s gloves
iPad infidelity alerts
soundchecks
Periscope
Hale and Pace
goatees
Van Dykes
imperials
and
nemeses.

Plus: Olly lies about his breakfast and reveals a surprising new phobia; Helen ruins some of your favourite songs; and Martin the Sound Man luckily has grown out of his Nu Metal phase.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for iThings, Android and Windows devices) is a question from Steffy in Bristol: ‘What is Swarovski crystal?’

For more additional listening, this is the podcast we mentioned about the consequences of soundchecking by asking interviewees ‘What did you have for breakfast?’ Makeuthink.

Leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. After you’ve shaved off your soul patch, befriend us at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We’ll return on 11th June 2015 with AMT316, can you keep your stonk going until then?

Helen & Olly

••• AMT315 Child-Friendly Rating: 40%. Quite a few swears. Question about infidelity; not sexually graphic, but may compel your child to ask Awkward Questions. A lot of boner chat in the question about ‘stonk’, but not so much lewd as sobering in light of recent BBC revelations. •••

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EPISODE 286 – code with a condom

March 27, 2014

Hello listeners!

Very exciting news: we’ve made a Radio 4 documentary to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the word ‘podcast’. It’s in two installments, out at 11am on Friday 4th and 11th April. It features many podcasting luminaries – including Marc Maron, Roman Mars, Keith and the Girl, Theresa Thorn, Betty in the Sky, the Buglers, the Night Valers, and also our old adversary Richard Herring. If you can’t wait for eight whole days to hear us talk to him, listen to the recent RHLSTP in which we air all that dirty laundry.

Amid all this talk of other things to listen to, don’t forget to apply yourself to Answer Me This! Episode 286:

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In which we discuss:

castles
Oktoberfest
chilled red wine
velvet ropes
decorative sticks
babysitting vs kitten-sitting
Mardi Gras vs Pancake Day
Navajo rugs vs dreamcatchers
Glastonbury scheduling
EcuadorPanama hats
London’s cat cafe
mythical bestiality
and
the first ever porn film.

Plus: Olly was all business, no pleasure at his school leavers’ ball; Helen prefers the pong of garlic breath to perfume; and Martin the Sound Man worries about worldly souvenirs making him into a bellend. Don’t worry Martin, you were already a bellend! JK. (Or is it?)

Today’s Bit of Crap on the App contains more perfume-chat, in which Olly sabotages any future he had as a department store perfume salesperson. Pinch your nose and spray the app into your ears from your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.

Here’s something that doesn’t stink: today’s episode-funders Squarespace.com offering you a 10% discount off their services for a whole year if you use the code answer3. What a breath of fresh air!

And finally, we ask that you take a deep breath and send us your QUESTIONS: call the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Back in a fortnight!

Helen & Olly

AMT286 Child-Friendly Rating: 42%. First three quarters are clean, apart from a couple of questioneer-led swears. The episode ends on a question about porn films, but by then your children will probably have fallen asleep during the earlier question about road signs.

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EPISODE 265 – rat’s eye of your chap’s eye

August 1, 2013

Hello listeners,

If, like today’s questioneer Paul, you want to allow a cool breeze to circulate around your nethers, but without the hazard of being charged with indecent exposure, we recommend you wear one of these around the house. The pockets are really useful too, for carrying cooling ice-packs and emergency underpants lest you receive an unexpected guest.

Also useful, though providing no modesty coverage, is Answer Me This! Episode 265:

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Today we discuss:

Amazon
Amazons’ boobs
Amazon’s Eye
penile hygiene
straitjackets
Dire Straits
(ham)burgers
tartar vs. tartare sauce vs. the Tatars
chips and gravy vs. poutine
political speech spoilers
The Bridge
Jeff Bezos
and
the Midlands swing vote.

Plus: Olly thinks one of the world’s biggest online retailers caters especially to his ego; Helen improves upon Ed Miliband’s cigarette packet zingers; and Martin the Sound Man explains why Sylvia Plath ate her mince raw.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, which is available for iDevices and Android, we come up with a more fitting name for the Shakespeare play that so nettled Olly in last week’s episode. Look out for a production of Much Ado About Vagina at an outdoor theatre near you.

Our podcast would be much ado about nothing without your QUESTIONS, so please send them to us: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT265 Child-Friendly Rating: 30%. Mention of ripe topics including boobs, suicide, politics, fellatio. A few swear-bombs.

PS Thanks to Kevin McLeod for music, as well as the AMT Players as usual.

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Hoff hassle

July 16, 2013

The-Hoff-Takes-a-Nap-During-Live-Interview-2

CLICK HERE FOR AMT262

Uh oh, Hoff-based contention! Though he unites nations, he has divided our listeners. Gesine writes:

David Hasselhoff (our beloved hero) did not bring down the Berlin Wall by standing on it and belting out “I’ve been looking for freedom” – he did his New Year’s Eve gig AFTER the wall came down. He also didn’t stand on the wall – they got a crane in for him.

If he had tried to do it before November 9th 1989, he would have probably been shot. If he had come from East Berlin, he would have needed to navigate thousands of armed soldiers, barbed wire, dogs, trenches and the death strip. And even though he must have been pretty fit during his Baywatch heyday I doubt he could have climbed the 3-4m smooth concrete wall on his own.

If he had managed to come from West Berlin and climb the wall, he might have been shot as well because his blinking leather jacket must have been a pretty tempting target.

So enough ranting – Olly you can redeem yourself by answering me this – beside the ladies in red bathing suits, what made Baywatch so popular around the world?

IT WAS THE LADIES IN RED BATHING SUITS OF COURSE. What more do you need?

But Gesine, you don’t address a greater mystery, as contemplated by Neal from Crawley in West Sussex here:

Olly mentioned that Hoff’s popularity in Germany was due to his Berlin wall unification gig. However the reason he was on the wall in the first place was because he was already popular there. So. Why was he popular in Germany in the first place?

Any ideas, anybody? Go to the comments to cast light upon this mystery, although Gary rejects the assertion upon which it is based:

Normally, I am not the type to write to podcasts and express my discontent.

But I do want to clarify something about Germany and David Hasselhoff.

Yes, he had a big hit in Germany at the time the Berlin Wall, but that was the only hit. The rest is just hype and The Hoff’s PR team. Saying Germans love David Hasselhoff based on one hit is like saying Brits love Chumbawumba because of that Tub Thumping song.

Sorry to pick nits, but the truth need to be put out there.

Can it be? You’re smashing a lot of myths there, Gary…German readers, are you just going to sit there and let him defame your beloved Hoff? Or sit there and let everybody think you have mystifying taste in music?

I’d also be interested to hear from Japan-based readers about whether bands that are renowned for being ‘big in Japan’ really ever were big in Japan. Tell me: does the country have statues of Shampoo in every city, and a national holiday in honour of Corduroy?

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EPISODE 262 – like Humpty Dumpty with a guitar

July 11, 2013

Hello listeners! We hope you have survived our three-week absence. If not, it’ll be no use to you to know that Answer Me This! Episode 262 is ready for your attentions:

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Nor to learn that in it we speak of:

the A1 (the road, not the boyband)
baseball caps
food trucks
hammock hazards
Pulse and Cocktails (link NSFW)
ice cream vans and cocktails
Steven Spielberg’s headgear
‘Looking for Freedom’ vs ‘Looking for Linda’
pate
and
great big strapping Michael Parkinson.

Plus: Olly receives the wrath of the Hoff; Helen would not give away what goes on in large discreet carparks; and Martin the Sound Man describes his brief moment as the young Frank Rossitano in this week’s Bit of Crap on the App – or, given the subject matter, this week’s Bit of Cap on the App, which is available for iDevices and Android.

Please do click here to preview/purchase our SMASH HIT TOP 15 ALBUM Answer Me This! Holiday, that was briefly but thrillingly sandwiched between Robbie and Rihanna.

And also please do send us your QUESTIONS for the new series: leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT262 Child-Friendly Rating: 60%. Question about sex shops polluting an otherwise innocent episode.

PS Click here for Historic Hoff Moment no.1, and here’s Historic Hoff Moment no.2:

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EPISODE 227 – McSlurry

August 9, 2012

Hey listeners,

Of course we love hearing about your lives; also when you send us stuff. But this may have gone too far in Answer Me This! Episode 227:

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Wherein we consider:

Zooey Deschanel
holiday money
Worcestershire Sauce
wanking off vs. jacking off
Olympics vs. Eurovision
Baron Pierre de Coubertin
the sporty Vatican
flying horses
pasta sauce
and
a table covered in ice cream.

Plus: Olly doesn’t like the look of Joey Potter’s chalice nowadays, but back in the 90s he did get a bit Dawson Leary (Dawson Leery, more like); Helen was a financially responsible child – yet another way in which she peaked too early; and Martin the Sound Man recommends keeping your pasta carbonara minimalist, even if you really need a little nipper of booze to get you through.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App iDevices and Android is a question from Joss which reveals Olly’s Napoleon Complex. This is concerning trees, not height, seeing as Olly is 6’3″ when he stands up straight.

Next week is our last episode before we take a month-long hiatus, so hurry and send us your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (Skype answermethis or dial 0208 123 5877) or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

The AMT Sports Day: exercise for your ears

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EPISODE 219 – Sky Atlantis

June 14, 2012

Hi listeners!

We’re picking up good vibrations (good, good, good, good vibrations, oooh bop bop, good vibrations) in Answer Me This! Episode 219, thanks to one of our listeners sending us a Groupon offer for Power Plate sessions.

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This week we consider:

gratuitous nudity
sexy playing cards
bomb shelters
Sliding Doors, alternative version
abetting child criminals
Joseph ‘Giuseppe’ Pinetti
Apple Paltrow Martin
subtitles
Slendertone vs. exercise for cosmonauts
and
Ceefax.

Plus: Olly believes china shops should tolerate, nay welcome, his unapologetic vandalism; fun-hating Helen eschews murder mystery parties, entertainment at weddings, and jiggling in public; and Martin the Sound Man is still imploring you to enter his competition to be the Science Songwriter of the Future, which sounds a bit like being the artist-in-residence on the International Space Station, but is in fact much more straightforward and does not require you to urinate into a funnel. Although, the prize includes a trip to the Green Man festival, so a funnel might prove more hygienic than a Portaloo.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) recounts some incredible facts about jubilees, such as how they used to lead to famine, and how the Queen was probably wasted on hers. This seems a suitable point to mention that the Answer Me This! Jubilee is at last available to buy on Amazon. You may think it a bit late for Jubilee Fever now, but we’ve got a £50 bet on the Queen reaching her Platinum Jubilee, so consider the album 15 years ahead of its time rather than two weeks behind.

If you want more AMT next week, send us a QUESTION: emails should be sent to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and voicemails left on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 216 – dark passenger

May 24, 2012

Hello listeners,

This week, we wonder at the morals of fairy tales. You know, the stupid underlying ‘meaning’ that spoils the fun of a far-out fictional confection, and ensures that kiddies absorb some very dubious life lessons. There are probably some very dubious life lessons in AMT216, but at least we’re not pretending we have any morals.

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Today we contemplate:

round robin letters
Keeping Up Appearances
Roy Clarke
Compo vs. Prometheus
basket cases
dominatrixes
non-alcoholic beer
hospital flowers
the grape cure
governess porn
sexy pizza
sexy Travis Bickle
American Apparel
why we don’t do shout-outs
and
the only thing that happens in 31 series of Last of the Summer Wine.

Plus: Olly would like Aesop’s Fables to be more like a Choose Your Own Adventure book; Helen is the Sookie Stackhouse of AMT; and Martin the Sound Man gets quite emotional about the tale of the Elves and the Shoemaker. Thankfully he recovered sufficiently to launch a contest for under-18 songwriters, which you can find out about by clicking here.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a question from a couple of chaps on their way to Alton Towers. Cue a blast of Mann Rage directed at theme park rides that blatantly used to be other theme park rides. Oh God, why dost thou torment him thus?

What is not a torment is asking us a QUESTION! (Though reading some of them is a torment for us.) Send an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave a voicemail on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).

And assuming the elves will step in to finish off our chores, we will see you again next week for AMT217.

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 215 – the Richard Gere problem

May 17, 2012

Hello!

We’re really, really sorry, but after listening to Answer Me This! Episode 215, there’s a strong chance you will have an LMFAO song stuck in your brain, and it will make you want to stick a straw in your ear, suck that brain out of your head then spit it down the drain. But, hopefully the rest of the podcast doesn’t have that effect on you.

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Today we mention:

Annie Hall
Joey Barton
the future of pubic hairstyles
Jessie J vs. indifferent radio professionals eating dinner
Will.I.Am vs. Simon and Garfunkel
‘Party Rock Anthem’ vs. ‘The Birdie Song’
Quentin Crisp
Olly’s uncle
frigid North Hertfordshire
the scary Dalai Lama
the sexual misuse of animals
and
the man with the box on his head.

Plus: Olly theorises upon why footballers sport such ridiculous barnets; Helen does not like her toast done on one side; and sadly we don’t have video footage of Martin the Sound Man’s first ever viewing of ‘Sexy and I Know It‘, but if we did, it would be right up there in the video commentary canon alongside this.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) is a two-course feast of questions: firstly one from Hannah about currywurst, then for pudding a question from Sammy in Falkirk about pineapple. We hope this combination does not give your ears indigestion.

If you want more ear-food next week, please send us a QUESTION: deliver emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 211 – do you want finalisation?

April 19, 2012

Hello again, hello!

There may be a drought across much of England, but the podcast drought is OVER. For we have returned from our break, and Answer Me This! Episode 211:

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We talk upon such subjects as:

the Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players
Las Vegas for squares
those cool Chinese takeaway cartons
piratical weddings
theme bars
crazy neighbours
wash vs. pre-wash
three-pin vs. two-pin
Ludwig Müller vs. Ludwig Müller
Nazi spectacles
and
sexy bumblebees.

Plus: with his usual acumen, Olly proposes how to transform a psychotic neighbour problem into a business opportunity; Helen’s parents are being very thrifty with the internet, so that the IP addresses don’t all run out on their account; and we should clarify that Martin the Sound Man’s former job, which he describes as ‘making a man with a tube up his penis laugh’, was in the field of medical physics, not stand-up comedy for catheter fetishists.

Because one pot is never enough, there’s also more about Müller Yogurt on this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android), including their contribution to West Midlands athleticism, and their retrograde marketing wheezes. They might be 116 years old, but they’ve still got it.

If you haven’t already, please do take a punt on our Top 20 (!!) album, The Answer Me This! Jubilee, comprised of fifty-seven minutes of all-new material in anticipation of the Queen’s jubblies. You can also hear us on the latest episode of Ewan Spence’s ESC Insight podcast – no, that’s not ESC as in the Electrical Safety Council or the Essex Skating Club, but the Eurovision Song Contest. Click here to listen, and hear how we rated some of the songs vying for Eurovisionary Glory this year.

After all that, do remember to send us your QUESTIONS with which we will fuel this new series of AMT: aim voicemails at the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) and emails at answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week!

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 194 – interesting dioramas

October 27, 2011

Hello listeners,

In cities the world over, people are staging sit-ins; so naturally we followed suit, and sat in AMT Towers to produce Answer Me This! Episode 194. Yeah, we’re sticking it to The Man!

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

This week, we talk of:

naughty nuns
Going for Gold
The Lion King 3D
fancy dress pitfalls
AFoLs (Adult Fans of Lego)
standard deviation in men’s haircuts
Cornish separatists
Victorian vaginas
Hans Zimmer
high tea
L7
the pink British Empire
impersonating a police officer
John Suchet (NOT David Suchet)
the true meaning of ‘fascinating’
ALF the Alien vs. nipple tassels
and
Southall’s antique jamrags.

Plus: Olly’s suspicions are proven correct that the perennially awful Rosemary Daniels did not get into Neighbours on merit; Helen’s not going to allow someone else to have the pleasure of waving sharp blades close to her head, thankyou very much; and Martin the Sound Man fleetingly refers to ‘The Bill Callahan Effect’. Don’t worry if you’ve never heard of this phenomenon: it is familiar to precisely one person, and that person is Martin. Well done, Martin, for tapping into the popular consciousness so very effectively.

On this week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for iPhones, iPads and Android devices) you can find out what costume you need to be sexy, smart AND snug on Halloween. Clue: it involves tweed and elbow patches. Ring-a-ding-ding!

Like the greedy greedy bankers, we are greedy – for your QUESTIONS! Leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis) or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and don’t worry about the consequences: us having a big coffer full of questions will not mean that 99% of the populace has to struggle on without questions at all. Especially as we’ll be giving those questions BACK in next week’s episode, plus interest (answers). In the AMT economy, nobody has to suffer.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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