Posts Tagged ‘Ikea’

EPISODE 338: space cake

August 25, 2016

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Your mother’s been given some free space cake but she doesn’t want to fail her workplace’s random drug tests. What should she do? In Answer Me This! Episode 338, we tackle this question as well as such issues as:

Olympic medals
Olympic rings
human urine vs cat urine
marriage vs Masada
capital city compromises
having a lot of weddings
popping your pussy
pole vault penis problems
IKEA product names
and
things to do with egg yolks.

Plus: Olly’s interest in sport is exhausted for another four years; Helen would rather be left with a yolk than an eggwhite; and Martin the Sound Man’s feet are irresistible to Harvey Mann. Another Fergie-style scandal in the making?

If, like Harvey, you can’t get enough of Martin the Sound Man, get our app – available on iThings, Android and Windows devices – because today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App is the tale of Martin’s recent triumphant mission to Coinstar. Guess how much! Go on, guess!

And guess how many classic episodes of AMT await you at answermethisstore.com? 200! If you buy any of them, or our special albums – eg the AMT Sports Day or Answer Me This! Holiday or AMT Love – you’re both audiotaining yourself AND helping to support the show. Likewise if you get yourself a free audiobook at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

To send us questions for future episodes, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back on 8 September with AMT339,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT338 Child-Friendly Rating: 27%
Contains sex, drugs and swearing. •••


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Thursday Listening Party

August 28, 2014

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On the Thursdays we don’t release a new AMT, we crank up the spoken word audio and have a Thursday Listening Party.

Noises from home:

In the latest episode of The Media Podcast, Olly’s coming from the Edinburgh TV festival – with June Sarpong! Listen here, or here:

This month’s Sound Women podcast is all about SPOOOOOOOORT, which as you know is my favourite topic…

COUGH COUGH COUGH. OK, you know that really one of my favourite topics is My So-Called Life, and since this Monday was the 20th anniversary of the show, hear me banging on about why I love it on this episode of Little Atoms from earlier this year.

Noises from elsewhere:

Another TV show for which, over the years, you may have noted my fondness is Twin Peaks, so I’m intrigued by this new podcast Fire Talk With Me, contemplating the show episode by episode. Good luck to them when they hit that three-episode arc starring James Hurley in the second half of series two, amirite?

When I was at SXSW last year I saw the documentary An Unreal Dream: The Michael Morton Story, about a man who was exonerated after serving 25 years in prison for murdering his wife. He was a local man, so many people in the audience had been following his case since the 80s and throughout the film were booing the corrupt lawyers and cheering the good guys. Then at the end, when Michael Morton came out on stage along with the lawywer who spent a decade proving his innocence, the audience went APESHIT with joy – screaming, crying, it was truly amazing to watch. The facts of the case are pretty horrific, though; here is Michael Morton talking about them on Outlook from the BBC World Service.

At the more cheerful end of the spectrum, here’s a sweet episode of 99% Invisible about Ikea Hacking. I’m fond of an Ikea hack myself – in fact the urge runs in the family. Back in the 80s, my grandad used to do such hacks as turning an Argos flatpack black ash bookcase into a desk (he went through an inexplicable black ash phase; such were the times, I guess). A few years ago, before Ikea Hacker was even born, I was working on a daytime TV show and was asked to pitch ideas for a home improvement segment that they could do easily in the studio. I suggested getting a designer to rejig cheap, easily available flatpacks in a slot called ‘Flatpack Revivified’ or ‘Flatpack Chimera’. It didn’t happen, because OBVIOUSLY NO SLOTS ON DAYTIME TV SHOWS ARE CALLED THINGS LIKE ‘FLATPACK CHIMERA’.

But regarding the act itself, grandad and I were clearly way ahead of our time.

By the way, if you’re a big fan of 99PI host Roman Mars, check him out on 100 Words Or Less talking about creating his podcast empire and being a straight-edger.

Aaaand finally: Radio 4 is repeating the very charming and funny Susan Calman Is Convicted. Get on board.

Learn to make your own noises:

On 20th September you can learn all you need to start podcasting at the Essentials of Podcasting Guardian Masterclass: hardware, software, editing, production, formatting, publicity, building an audience, making a show that isn’t shit, etc etc from the likes of Bugle producer Chris Skinner, Guardian podcast producer Jason Phipps, software inventor Drew White, and meeee. Book your place here.

Which shows have been delighting you lately? Recommend some in the comments.

Tune in to our various other gigs:

Catch up on AMT296 and the episodes preceding it.
AMT episodes 1-170 and the special AMT albums are all available for a piddling little price at answermethisstore.com, and if you buy any of them you’re bankrolling the podcast, for which we are extremely grateful. At this time of year, whisk yourself away on the AMT Holiday – a bargain minibreak at only £2.49.
Olly’s on LBC every weekday 1am-4am. Set your alarm.
I host the monthly Sound Women podcast and am on Let’s Talk About Tech from BBC 5 Live.
Martin the Sound Man makes numerous other podcasts, including Brain Train, The Global Lab and The Sound of the Ladies.

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EPISODE 193…not.

October 20, 2011

…actually, not ‘not’. See what a pain in the arse that joke is? Leave it in the 90s, people! This is our plea in Answer Me This! Episode 193:

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Today we ponder upon:

Indian cows
Utterly Butterly
beluga whales vs. beluga caviar
holy salt
claiming sanctuary
charity shop returns policies
cloud computing
flyers
milk.com
contact lenses
Teri Hatcher in Swedish
shoe mnemonics
breastfeeding men
transubstantiation
and
the irony of Google Chrome.

Plus: Olly is jealous of you people who’ve had milkmen (oo-er, missus!); Helen will be hiding in plain sight when she goes on the lam; and Martin the Sound Man is happy to be the theme of your stag/hen parties. L-plates and fake veils do look great against a tweed jacket and facial hair.

This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for iPhones, iPads and Android devices) is about the books that wind up in charity shops before they are even dog-eared. Not this book, though! Perish the thought.

Do NOT, however, perish thoughts of sending us your QUESTIONS. Pose them to us as voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or fire up the Skype and look for answermethis) or emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. In the Age of Austerity, it’s one thing you needn’t stint upon.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 186 – not to be sold separately

August 4, 2011

Dear Team AMT,

We love you, you big diverse bunch. We love the fact that, in the space of Answer Me This! Episode 186, we go from a wannabe Olympian to a sexual Olympian (with a gold medal in Making Shit Up). With a meat-loving Aussie, an excitable pair in Harrods, and a crispy Dave from Smethwick in between:

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Today we contemplate:

beach football
Peckham Library
the Multipack Police
male midwives
bows and arrows vs. XBox
Owl City vs. Lyte Funky Ones
the Purple People-Eater vs. the bungee wall
the Etap Hotel, Salford
St Pancras of Rome
anti-semitic Windows 3.1
Ikea platform beds
and
sumo.

Plus: Olly admits to having watched Eurosport without his eyes throwing up, but only because it reminded him of Jake Gyllenhaal films; young Helen was dazzled by Wingdings; and Martin the Sound Man is a pioneer of the Banjo Slap Bass Afrobeat genre – if you want to know what the hell that sounds like, click here to listen to the latest episode of his musical podcast. This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone and iPad, or Android) is a question from 16-year-old Joe from London. Despite his tender age, he has a very adult romantic problem: he can’t remember his new girlfriend’s birthday, but he knows it’s approaching fast, along with a ton of trouble if he forgets it. Pray for him.

We’re fully aware that the rest of you have problems of your own, so please send them to us and we’ll try to make light entertainment out of your pain. Leave voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis), or send emails answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 161 – A Question of Soup

January 6, 2011

Hello!

Today, 6th January, is of course Epiphany, the day on which the Three Wise Men called round to see the baby Jesus. It is also the day that the Three Unwise Men’n’Women unleashed Answer Me This! Episode 161, which is only slightly less suitable a baby-gift than a jarful of myrrh.


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

In this first podcast of the new year, we contemplate:

soup-straws
American military acronyms
In Bruges
Waterfit
water-avoiding
‘Gay Bar’ by Electric Six
muscular veiny crotches
Winnie-the-Pooh
Paul Merton
the Pet Shop Boys vs. Half-Life 2
children’s stories vs. beat poets
the best Christmas films ever – see what Team AMT opted for here
the least bad bits of Love Actually (that was quick)
and
Slash’s unusual tureen.

Plus: Olly vows to kick off his New Year’s fitness drive – motivated partly by vanity and health, but more by recouping wasted gym money; Helen anticipates the timely death of the Zaltzman family dog; and virus-laden Martin the Sound Man grits his teeth and tries to survive the episode without exploding with a big gush of gutwater. Cheer up the poor man by listening to some of his music here.

Today’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iPhone and Android, app-fans) is all about Frank Bruno’s penis. Clue: it’s a whopper.

Can you believe we have now entered the FIFTH year of Answer Me This!? It would have been zero years had it not been for your QUESTIONS, so please keep supplying them: leave voicemails on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week!

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 160 – everything in the 70s was brown

December 9, 2010

Creeeeeak! What’s behind today’s advent calendar door? Is it a lovely picture of a robin? A verse of the nativity story? A little chocolate that tastes of solidified moisturiser? Let’s see……ooh, what a surprise! It is, instead, Answer Me This! Episode 160:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

And what surprises are therein? Well:

Ali Baba
JJB Sports
Princess Mary of Denmark
dead dogs
Halle Berry’s bum
Tina Turner’s legs
Sega Master System
the Thompson Twins
terrifying pores
Facebashing
British Home Stores
naval recruitment
‘The Night Before Christmas’
Rudolf the Red-Nosed Heidi Range-deer
scary cartoon Weetabix
an abundance of allen keys
The Silver Spoon
and
Plopp.

Plus: Olly is cockblocked by a statue of his newborn self; Helen tells you how not to throw like a girl; and Martin the Sound Man tells you how to make your Christmas protracted and boring. Whoopee! Also, don’t forget this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (which is now available on Android, huzzah!), which shows how a bunch of adults can dissolve into childish mirth during an upright discussion about advent calendars as soon as the word ‘flaps’ shows up. Flaps! Snigger.

You can send us QUESTIONS in the form of voicemails on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, and we’ll stack them under the tree to open at Christmas. BUT! Next Thursday sees the first installment of the annual treat (debatably) that is our Best Of episodes, so if you have a favourite bit of AMT2010, please tell us about it on our Facebook wall or, if you forswear social networking, in the comments right here.

See you next week for the visit of the Ghosts of Podcasts Past,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 149 – Bazooka Joe

September 9, 2010


At last, the special guestisode featuring Ian Collins off TalkSPORT has arrived! In it we find out a great deal about the great man: his life in pencils, his close relationship with the Home Office, his special form of vigilante justice, and his position as the only man in the world who thinks Cheryl Cole is ‘a bit of a munter’.


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

In it, Ian talks to us about such matters as:

Cleethorpes

Morrissey
Rugrats
Ikea pencils vs. Ikea meatballs
pub quiz machines vs. rightness
bubble vs. chewing in the battle of the gums
parliament vs. coconuts
Larry David
courtroom quizzes
the gravy and mini apple pies diet
Boots the Chemist
Spitting Image‘s legal defence
Henry Frankenstein?
and
Wall’s sausage ice-cream

Plus: Olly has beef with the Wood Green branch of Harvester; Helen has beef with infantilised adults; and Ian has beef with PC Stamp from The Bill. Martin the Sound Man does not have beef with anyone this episode, but he will have beef with you if you don’t buy his album; so you’d better do that unless you want to feel his wrath.

This week’s slice of bonus fun on the app is a question from Daniel from Wakefield’s question about Darth Vader’s heavy breathing. He has more in common with Beverley Craven and Helen’s family dog than previously thought.

Now don’t be cross, but next week is the last episode of the series, so get your QUESTIONS in, quick! Leave a voice message on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or send an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Don’t worry, there’s plenty of stuff to listen to during our VERY BRIEF break, because of all the free or cheap-as-chips audiobooks which Audible.co.uk wish to bestow upon you – click here to get yours!

See you next week, loves,

Helen and Olly

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