Posts Tagged ‘Japan’

EPISODE 354: Magic Jeff

September 7, 2017

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There’s MAGIC! all over Answer Me This! Episode 354: how to MAGICALLY transform a banana into a sliced banana, how to MAGICALLY turn an egg into an egg IN A BOTTLE, and how to MAGICALLY turn an adolescent boy into a hit with the ladies. We also learn about:

sugar nips (not a Mel Gibson expression)
the bad taste left by Jägermeister, in more than one sense
Mount Fuji vs freakshakes
Sugarloaf Mountain(s)
Jean-Eugene Robert-Houdin
intelligent disobedience
wedding injuries – for photos, see below
kings of the jungle place where lions live
magic wands
and
thank you very much for feeding William, thank you very much, thank you very very very much.

Plus: Olly recaps the origins of his lifelong feud with Wales; Helen does not want to learn magic tricks to break the ice at parties (also does not want to go to parties); and Martin the Sound Man can be found behind a veil of steam rising from a Szechuan hotpot.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – we learn what it takes to make Olly crack up on air: hepatitis.

Want to hear more from us? There’s the retro AMT episode we lob into your feed mid-month – right now you can hear the crowd favourite AMT186, containing the last known sighting of Owl City; to get it, subscribe to AMT on your podcatcher of choice. All of our back catalogue is available from answermethisstore.com, along with our special albums.

Come to the London Podcast Festival next month: tickets are on sale now for Helen’s live Allusionist and Martin’s Song By Song, featuring Helen and John Hodgman. And Helen will appear with her brother Andy on the live Bugle, in Jordan Jesse Go, in Radiotopia on Radiotopia, and the Networks and Representation panel; so give yourself a very Zaltzman weekend of entertainment.

Thank you very much, thank you very very very much to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode, and for making spiffy websites so easy to build. Do as Martin did: play around during the two-week free trial, then get 10% off Squarespace’s website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year with the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis or send us a voice memo or a written question by emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT355 on 5 October 2017, and with a Retro AMT episode on 22 September.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT354 Child-Friendly Rating: 78%. Not bad! Just a handful of swears, and a question about the demon booze. •••

PS Any more wedding injury photos like these, from Jon and Lorelei (wedding chair) and Courtney (wedding croquet mallet):

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L-O-V-E

January 25, 2016

AMT LOVE

Gird your loins, unbutton your emotions, because the Answer Me This! Love album is OUT NOW and begging for your affections.

Buy it from iTunes, Amazon or our own Answer Me This! Store for only £2.99.

The album features a whole hour of love, sex, dating and genitals, and it’s all completely new AMT material that has never appeared on the podcast. Such as:

Is it appropriate to buy sexy clothes for your mum?
How do you make putting on a condom fun?
Just what is in that liquid squirting out of your girlfriend?
When you’ve lost your engagement ring, how best to style it out?
Is your partner’s schoolgirl fetish something you should worry about? It’s not like he’s a teacher – oh, he is? Oh.
How do you set up a blind date when you’re a blind dater?
How can anyone feel horny at the prospect of a vagina bristling with sharp, spiky horns?
What’s the best point of a wedding ceremony to call it off?
How do they come up with all those lines on Take Me Out?
What is your exhibitionist housemate really trying to show you?
How many holes should there be in a penis?

Here’s a little preview:

Any further questions?

Is this album suitable for me if I’m not at all in the mood for love, sex, or interacting with humanity at all?
YES. If all these people were having such a great time, they wouldn’t be writing to us, would they?

Is this album child-friendly?
HELL NO.

Will this album teach me what it’s like to have the Olly Mann Valentine’s Experience?
YES.

Will Helen say the word ‘urethra’ so many times, I will feel a bit sick?
MAYBE.

You can get it from iTunes and Amazon, but if you want all of your money to go to us and none to Megacorp, buy it directly from the AMT Store.

AMTStorebuy it now buttonbuy it now button

Hear the other AMT albums at answermethispodcast.com/albums

 

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EPISODE 326: macho line dancing

October 29, 2015

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Happy news! AMT325‘s Beckie, who was worried who was worrying about having chosen the baby name ‘Aoife’ because her family were being dicks about it? On Tuesday, the baby was born! And she has been named….Aoife! Good for you, Beckie, and welcome to the world, Aoife. All together now: aaaaaawwwwwww.

Let’s change some more lives in Answer Me This! Episode 326 shall we? Or at least deal with a range of minor to moderate problems, concerning such matters as:

Gogglebox
crying vs fart machines
sport vs Helen’s love for her family
sport vs Andrew Lloyd Webber
the haka
the Crystal Palace dinosaurs
matryoshka spy dolls
Queen Victoria
and
the likely successor to The Human Centipede.

Plus: Olly has the equivalent of a shy bladder but for sneezing (which you already know is a problem for him); Helen has to choose between her family and her dislike of sport; and Martin the Sound Man’s cup of Earl Grey is full of tears.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iThings, Android and Windows devices – rugby brings the rest of Helen’s family joy, but also forces her brother Andy to tell the biggest lie of his life.

It’s no lie that we welcome your questions. Leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and deliver your emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Say hi at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Additional ventures:

Olly’s so fecund at the moment! Birthing out babies and podcasts all over the place. You can find his new show The Modern Mann at modernmann.co.uk, as well as on iTunes and Pocketcasts and the various other podcast-getting places.

Helen is currently releasing new doses of The Allusionist EVERY WEEK (wilts) because Radiotopia is raising funds. Love any of the shows? Donate at radiotopia.fm! And join in her Reddit AMA at 7pm GMT today.

Finally, Martin the Sound Man’s Song By Song podcast is now embarking upon Tom Waits’s Heart of Saturday Night. Not a difficult second album, a cracking second album! (Except for the bits which sound like dinner jazz, which are sub-cracking.)

We’ll return on 12th November 2015 with AMT327.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT326 Child-Friendly Rating: 30%. No bawdy content, but there are swears all over the place. •••

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EPISODE 311: mermaid with a crotch

April 2, 2015

Good news! Well, good news for Olly and everyone worried that his nocturnal job was causing him to collapse in on himself like a dying star: he’s got a new job on LBC, presenting a show 8-10pm Fridays and 6.30-10pm Saturdays. The first one is tomorrow, so tune in! Meantime, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 311:

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Therein:

the Queen of Starbucks (scroll down to the bottom of the post for the NSFW original Starbucks logo)
the Hollywood Walk of Fame (apply here for a star)
a bowling alley in your home
the dangers of being a stock photo
the other Michael Jackson
the other Harrison Ford
the real struggle in Moby-Dick
Buddha vs Budai
Night Nurse vs Night Nurse
lazy Barbra Streisand
critiquing your dick pics (link extremely NSFW)
and
the first known waterbed.

Plus: Olly would rather that rats do not accompany his sexytimes; Helen is still laughing about the typo on her grandmother’s gravestone; and and Martin the Sound Man enjoys his own parallel version of AMT.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for iThings, Android and Windows gadgets) we realise why it’s probably for the best that we don’t have a spare £200,000 to install a home bowling alley. Just imagine the bloodshed…

Shed no blood, but shed your QUESTIONS, by leaving voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and emailing answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. You can befriend us online facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly to deliver us your verdict on today’s episode.

We’ll return on 16nd April 2015 with AMT312, joiiiiiiin ussssssssss,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT311 Child-Friendly Rating: 40%. Strong swear word very near the beginning. 10 minutes in, there’s a question about nudie photos that you may wish your younglings to avoid. But after that, it’s pretty safe. If you start listening around 15 minutes in, it’d be at least 80% child friendly. •••

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EPISODE 307: a rubber glove with no fingers

February 5, 2015

Overshadowed by a special guest appearance from Missy Elliott*, here’s Answer Me This! Episode 307:

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*Not really. She refuses to respond to our postcards.

On today’s question-answering slate:

female strippers
male strippers
drupes
Grumpy Cat
beckoning cats
Cats
Lil Bub: the Chris Martin of cats
Ben Lashes
fast food delivery
wedding diplomacy
Happy Meal toys
Ronald McDonald vs Carol Vorderman
human beatboxing
coconuts
and
Femidoms.

Plus: Olly’s brain or his wang can be stimulated, but never at the same time; Helen could have been the late-90s Beanie Baby trading magnate of Tunbridge Wells; and Martin the Sound Man exercises uncharacteristic restraint in the face of a question about beatboxing. Though he still manages to sound like he’s polishing a window with his own spit.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App contains further contemplation of memes and cats and the internet’s favourite/Helen’s least favourite, cat memes. Hear on your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets.

Thanks very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you use the code ‘ANSWER‘. Use it use it use it!

With every fibre of our being, we yearn for your QUESTIONS. Leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Join us in the vale of online friendship at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We’ll be here with AMT308 on 19th February, hopefully you will be too.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT307 Child-Friendly Rating: 39%. Swearing, strippers AND Femidoms. Maybe not. •••

PS As it sleets down upon the steeple of the AMT stronghold, here is Olly in more clement climes modelling this year’s hot look in drupes:

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EPISODE 302: fundrum

November 13, 2014

ARE YOU READY for your AUDIO TROLLEY DASH? On your marks: you’ve got precisely 43 minutes and 46 seconds to listen to Answer Me This! Episode 302. GO GO GO GO GO!!!

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Topics thrown into the trolley of our discourse include:

paperboys
Paperboy
David Bowie’s palms
TLC’s ‘busters’
decaffeinated Bob Geldof
sushi grass
the courtship of Cheryl & Ashley Cole
BB cream
trolley dashes
hamster funerals
sushi vs sashimi
hyperemesis gravidarum vs ginger biscuits
Twin Peaks vs Supermarket Sweep
Fire Walk With Me fanfic
Mario Mario
rice
and
the problem with Dale Winton.

Plus: Olly regrets doing this podcast instead of YouTube beauty tutorials; hypocrite Helen is shamed by her inability to pronounce American names correctly; and Martin the Sound Man would rather be sick than drink peppermint cordial to cure the sicks.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets), Olly relishes funny fail videos along the following guidelines: being hit in the balls IS a funny fail, car crashes are NOT funny fails.

We would fail to make this show if you did not send in QUESTIONS, so please do it: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And do make our acquaintance at facebook.com/answermethis or twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Thanks very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you use the code ‘answer’. So use the code ‘answer’. Why wouldn’t you? Don’t you want to treat yourself nicely? Of course you do!

We’ll be back with AMT303 on 27th November 2014; stay strong,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT302 Child-Friendly Rating: 76%. Just a couple of second-tier swears. Small amount of light bawdy content. Pet death may be cause for concern. •••

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Hello Kitty

April 21, 2014

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We may be immune to the charms of Helly Kitty, but the rest of the world certainly is not. Luke in Fife says:

After listening to last week’s podcast, I was reminded of a holiday to Japan I went on when I was younger with my family in which we visited Hello Kitty Land! Knowing Olly’s love of Disneyland, I thought this might be of great interest.

Hello Kitty Land consisted of rollercoasters/rides and live performances. I distinctly remember a horrifying dance routine featuring a group of rabbits with cups on their heads. It turns out they are actually meant to be marshmallow bunnies named after different kinds of hot drinks, so there is cappuccino, hot chocolate etc.

There is also an evil and gothic counterpart of Hello Kitty who wears a black leather mask. Scary!

A Hello Kitty dominatrix character? Seems…off-piste?

Katie also informed us:

You can buy Hello Kitty champagne and wine in my local off-licence. No jokes. I live in Hong Kong. Hello Kitty is a BIG DEAL.

Poor Miffy. Whither Miffy Land? The Miffy Booze? The Miffy sex toys? Oh Miffy, it sucks to arrive before your time and be usurped by that dead-eyed creature.

Kitty gets a theme park, Miffy just gets sodding MATHS. So unfair.

Kitty gets a theme park, Miffy just gets sodding MATHS. So unfair.

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EPISODE 287 – a very expensive potty

April 10, 2014

Hello! You still have one day to catch the first half of our Radio 4 documentary to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the word ‘podcast’. The second episode airs 11am tomorrow, Friday 11th April, and features money-making from Roman Mars, baby-making from Theresa Thorn, and something absolutely puke-making from Keith and the Girl. UPDATE: here’s Part 2.

So please do listen to that, and also to Answer Me This! Episode 287:

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Today we contemplate such topics as:

the Man from Del Monte
Tony Benn’s chair
catnip
human statues
snooze buttons
kissing gates
Miffy vs Hello Kitty
Telford vs Jamaica
CTRL+V vs CTRL+C
pedantry with partners
Artbox
netiquette
The Pageant of the Masters
and
listener Jessy’s missing colon, part II

Plus: Olly details the specifications for choosing his new alarm clock, so set your own alarm clock to jolt you back into consciousness afterwards; Helen comes up with a Doctor Who reboot for Matt Smith and an amazing sit- for a sitcom, so TV commissioners, prepare a bucket of cash and call her in for a meeting; and Martin the Sound Man won’t let you through a gate until you give him a little somethin-somethin. APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

Today’s Bit of Crap on the App, Helen gets doorbell envy. To hear all about that grievous condition, push the button on your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.

No need to envy other people’s nice websites – now you can build your own through Squarespace.com, who not only kindly funded today’s show, but are also offering you a 10% discount off their services for a whole year if you use the code answer. We used Squarespace to build answermethisstore.com and it was even easier to set up shop than it is to set up this shop.

Keep us in business by sending in your questions: call the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Back in a fortnight,

Helen & Olly

PS Get well soon, Dave from Smethwick!

AMT287 Child-Friendly Rating: 95%.
No unsuitable content, aside from the demystification of Hello Kitty. An F-bomb is detonated during the discussion of keyboard shortcuts, but thanks to the subject matter, there’s no way your kids will be paying attention.

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EPISODE 269 – gay rabbis in spandex

August 29, 2013

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Hello listeners,

Trolls have been in the news a lot lately – the online tormentor kind, but not the toys that used to be so popular. Why is that? Did people finally take a clear-eyed look at those dinky little plastic haemorrhoids and realise that they disobeyed William Morris’s dictum regarding beauty/usefulness? Has there been a worldwide shortage of neon hair?

No. Find out the true reason for trolls’ recent retirement from the limelight in Answer Me This! Episode 269:

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In which we also learn about:

wicker furniture
family holidays
murder houses
Ray Winstone vs. June Whitfield
indoor-outdoor space
the Lindbergh baby
the seven generic top-level domains
pianists’ page-turners
Thomas Dam
and
Yoshi.

Plus: Olly gets to talk about cats, and their glands, and their necks, and their cheeks, and their adorable bums; if Helen were the subject of a Thomas Harris novel, it’d be The Silence of the Chairs; and Martin the Sound Man is indignant at the idea of a male dinosaur laying an egg through his urethra.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App features a humdinger of a tale: Olly has alphabeticised his spice rack. For reals! Hear all about it, and how Helen has organised her spice rack, on your iDevice or Android.

Also, if you want to have a holiday that is more enjoyable than questioneer Pat from Canada’s, try the AMT Holiday album – no family rows or screaming kids, just one hour of us jabbering on into your ear. What could be more paradisial and relaxing than that?

Don’t be so relaxed that you forget to send us your QUESTIONS, though. Leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT269 Child-Friendly Rating: 78%. Some swearing, one attributable to Olly channelling Ray Winstone. References to feline sexual delight. Detraction of possibly beloved-by-children Troll dolls.

PS Oh, HERE’s where all the Trolls disappeared to. (Aside from all the ones that have been hiding out here.)

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Hoff hassle

July 16, 2013

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Uh oh, Hoff-based contention! Though he unites nations, he has divided our listeners. Gesine writes:

David Hasselhoff (our beloved hero) did not bring down the Berlin Wall by standing on it and belting out “I’ve been looking for freedom” – he did his New Year’s Eve gig AFTER the wall came down. He also didn’t stand on the wall – they got a crane in for him.

If he had tried to do it before November 9th 1989, he would have probably been shot. If he had come from East Berlin, he would have needed to navigate thousands of armed soldiers, barbed wire, dogs, trenches and the death strip. And even though he must have been pretty fit during his Baywatch heyday I doubt he could have climbed the 3-4m smooth concrete wall on his own.

If he had managed to come from West Berlin and climb the wall, he might have been shot as well because his blinking leather jacket must have been a pretty tempting target.

So enough ranting – Olly you can redeem yourself by answering me this – beside the ladies in red bathing suits, what made Baywatch so popular around the world?

IT WAS THE LADIES IN RED BATHING SUITS OF COURSE. What more do you need?

But Gesine, you don’t address a greater mystery, as contemplated by Neal from Crawley in West Sussex here:

Olly mentioned that Hoff’s popularity in Germany was due to his Berlin wall unification gig. However the reason he was on the wall in the first place was because he was already popular there. So. Why was he popular in Germany in the first place?

Any ideas, anybody? Go to the comments to cast light upon this mystery, although Gary rejects the assertion upon which it is based:

Normally, I am not the type to write to podcasts and express my discontent.

But I do want to clarify something about Germany and David Hasselhoff.

Yes, he had a big hit in Germany at the time the Berlin Wall, but that was the only hit. The rest is just hype and The Hoff’s PR team. Saying Germans love David Hasselhoff based on one hit is like saying Brits love Chumbawumba because of that Tub Thumping song.

Sorry to pick nits, but the truth need to be put out there.

Can it be? You’re smashing a lot of myths there, Gary…German readers, are you just going to sit there and let him defame your beloved Hoff? Or sit there and let everybody think you have mystifying taste in music?

I’d also be interested to hear from Japan-based readers about whether bands that are renowned for being ‘big in Japan’ really ever were big in Japan. Tell me: does the country have statues of Shampoo in every city, and a national holiday in honour of Corduroy?

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All aboard for our NEW ALBUM

June 19, 2013

AMT-holiday

Pack your flippers, sunblock and emergency stomach medicine, because our new album The Answer Me This! Holiday is ready to depart!

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It’s 58 minutes 3 seconds of all-new material – right down to the jingles – all about holidays, vacations, minibreaks, staycations, jaunts, sojourns, escapes; whatever you like to call them. In the usual AMT style, we tackle questions about such holidayish topics as:

things to do in New York City
summer reading lists
artificial insemination for pandas
dads’ embarrassing holiday-wear
what lies behind – or, more accurately, beneath – the scenes at Disney
Legoland sculptors
why the Spanish Steps in Rome aren’t Spanish
what to expect from a Chinese breakfast
stag parties abroad
and
why the Brits are lagging behind in competitive eating contests.

Also thrown in with your all-inclusive AMT Holiday package:

A full range of holidaywear: clip-on sunglasses, short shorts, convertible trousers, Speedos, gilets, electroejaculators;
Classic tourist attractions: the Staten Island Ferry, Downton Abbey, Disney’s utilidors, Burghley House, the Winchester Mystery House, Flambards and A Day at the Wells;
Delicious holiday grub: satirical breakfasts, ‘world famous’ foods, congee, Sex on the Beach, the Heart Attack Grill, pork and its tasty friends, Economy Candy;
Delightful holiday companions: Cara Delevingne, Eugene Levy, Nancy Mitford, Adam Richman, naked mole rats, Spagna;
Fun holiday activities: the ‘bollocks’ game at festivals, drinking games, humiliating your fellow diners, being assaulted by Mexican shots girls, trying to remember your one-night-stand’s name.

The Answer Me This! Holiday is available right now for only £2.49 from iTUNES, AMAZON, or directly from us at the Answer Me This! Store

Want to try before you fly? Here’s a sample:

Big thanks to Amy Smith and Sam Pay for the jingles and Jenny Robertshaw for the cover – and speculatively to you for buying it, because your outlay helps fund Answer Me This! (and our actual holidays).

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Jewish race tongue

December 11, 2012

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Above is a photo sent to us by Stephen in Tokyo, who asks:

What is a Jewish race tongue?

I’ve attached a photo of the English version of instructions for disposing of rubbish in my building. The instructions won’t win any prizes for literary style but I can just about guess what it most of it means…except for the bit about a Jewish race tongue. What is it and how big is one? Is there a chance that I may have unwittingly disposed of one in the wrong fashion?

Readers, could you go to the comments to shed light up this? Perhaps you could feed the phrase ‘Jewish race tongue’ into Google Translate, turn it back into Japanese, and translate that properly.

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