Posts Tagged ‘Madonna’

EPISODE 328: like it or lump it

November 26, 2015

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How do you tell your mum that she is a STUPID WOMAN who is RUINING CHRISTMAS by buying you the WRONG GIFT? Plus other polite and classy problems compose Answer Me This! Episode 328, in which we contemplate:

NaNoWriMo
sexist succession
breaking into your own house
vinegar vs menstruation
the novels of Katie Price
the novels of Ben Elton
pregnant Virgin Mary paintings
snooping on your Christmas presents
procrastination
the big piece of paper of Jack Kerouac
the little piece of paper in a box of chocolates
and
vinegar mother.

Plus: Olly plans never to get married, but maybe he’ll change his mind purely to have the themed wedding of his Jennifer Connelly-starring dreams; Helen turns her profound laziness into creative tips; and Martin the Sound Man puts the beats into his favourite Christmas carol.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, available for iThings, Android and Windows devices, Olly reveals the surprise hair inspiration of his mid-1980s barnet: Princess Diana.

Feeling festive yet? Click here to read about and then buy the Answer Me This! Christmas album; and click here to get the delightful Christmas podcasts from today’s sponsor Dobbies Garden Centres – and there’re plenty of Christmas tips and decorations to buy at dobbies.com and in store.

What have you got in store for us? Questions, we hope! Leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Befriend us online at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We’ll return on 10th December 2015 with AMT329.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT328 Child-Friendly Rating: 60%. No bawdy content, but there are a few swears, and the possible demystification of the machinations behind Christmas presents IF YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN. •••

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EPISODE 266 – the Queen’s gynaecologist

August 8, 2013

Good day, listeners,

In the words of Neely O’Hara, Answer Me This! Episode 266 is all ‘Boobies boobies boobies’: surgically enhanced ones, natural ones, milky ones, Kelly Brook’s ones…

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Aside from the boob-reverie, we discuss:

audience participation (get it away from us!)
poor old Queen Anne
backyard burial grounds
business cards vs. Michael Jackson
She’ll Be Coming Round The Mountain When She Comes vs. ATB’s Till I Come
freelance gravediggers
singalonga musicals
Mutya Buena’s boosted buttocks
Darryn Lyons’ abs
and
forked tongues.

Plus: Olly specifies where his ashes are to be scattered; Helen doesn’t care if her craft legacy dies with her; and despite all his singing skills, Martin the Sound Man doesn’t have the range to sing in Aspects of Love. He’ll never get to be Michael Ball (ball!).

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, which is available for iDevices and Android, a revival of Olly’s beloved Hunting of the Snark might become a reality? Come on, Mike Batt – make a young Mann’s lifelong dream come true!

And you – make our combined dream come true by sending us QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT266 Child-Friendly Rating: 70%. References to the songs of Peaches. Question about dead bodies. Discussion of boobs, natural and cosmetically altered. Very little swearing aside from an f-bomb.

PS Singalonga:

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EPISODE 257 – not too much of a problem for continence

May 16, 2013

Hello listeners! We have wonderful news for you this week: you can have a free month’s subscription to LoveFilm, whereby you can gorge yourself on unlimited telly and film, whilst we get a bit of dosh for you doing so.

Trot along to answermethispodcast.com/LoveFilm to take up the offer, but beware, your achievement levels may slump immediately as a result – I almost didn’t get around to posting Answer Me This! Episode 257 because I got sucked into rewatching all of 90s wobblycam dramedy This Life. Oh Egg. Stop allowing football to distract you from the fact that your relationship is so thankless.

Unlike AMT257, of course. Listen:

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Today we discuss:

yoga and pilates
the room being full of hotties
hog-faced coons
personalised polling stations
polling pencils vs. polling pens
child actors vs. pushy parents
magpies vs. ratatouille
Ben Affleck vs. his past self as one half of Bennifer
Aunt Bessie vs. Mrs Elswood vs. Sarah Nelson
Google Doodles vs. Bing…things?
something saucy
James McAvoy
Burning Man
Charlie Chaplin’s 122nd birthday
Dennis Hwang’s Wikipedia page
Nude Nuns with Big Guns
and
supermarket shopping dividerzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Plus, if that last topic didn’t put you sleep: Olly hopes his career develops well enough that he doesn’t have to do ‘ass to ass’ with some frozen honey-roast parsnips; Helen was a Google Virgin until she met Olly; and Martin the Sound Man is so angry at the mere mention of Madonna, he drowns in his own bile. And if you want to do the same, revise her shit ‘American Life’ here. Yep, that’ll do it.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) Olly is feeling unlucky since the loss of Google’s ‘I’m Feeling Lucky’ button. Someone organise a black tie benefit dinner-dance for him, asap!

While that’s going on, the rest of you can send us your QUESTIONS for forthcoming episodes: leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday, LoveFilm-wormholes notwithstanding,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 220 – I’m with the Tithead party

June 21, 2012

As AMT devotees, you know that we don’t shy away from the most serious questions the human mind can concoct. Remember AMT198 last year, when we boldly tackled “What makes a pie a pie?” Today, in Answer Me This! Episode 220, we broach another foodstuff with an identity crisis – salad:

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Seriously though, how can this and this and this and this be even nominally related? Pffft.

Anyway, tossed into the conversational salad this week are:

facts about Eugene, Oregon
Hamlet, the Madonna of his time
Madonna, the sexual bully of her time
alternating current vs. direct current
dentist chair vs. electric chair
Natalie Portman Hershlag
French Freemasons
William Kemmler
Pizza Express
rainbow parties
Rory Gallagher’s guitar
and
Spin the Bottle.

Plus: Olly impresses the ladies with his great big throbbing veins; Helen discovers that Thomas Edison was a right cnut; and Martin the Sound Man plays coy about his age. Don’t worry Martin, you don’t look a day under 55.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App is more crap-related than usual, as it features a question from Stephy from Bristol about the point of patterned toilet paper. Along the way we learn upon what Simon Cowell and the Queen probably wipe their bottoms. The rich educational resource that is the Answer Me This! app is available for iDevices or Android, you’ll be relieved to know. Relieved. Ho ho ho.

Enough japery for one week; but if you want to listen to more of our japery next week, you are obliged to send us a QUESTION: emails go to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, voicemails to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis).

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 206 with special guest Jackie Mason!

February 23, 2012

Answer Me This! Episode 206 is an exciting one, because we’re joined by legendary comedian and erstwhile rabbi Jackie Mason!

We snuck backstage to talk to him at the Wyndhams Theatre, where he’s performing his farewell show Fearlessclick here to find out more about it and buy tickets – and we learned many things: real people are better to watch than Caddyshack II; Lucozade has yet to break America; and Madonna is a sick person (well, we did have an inkling of that already).

For more wisdom, listen:

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Before you get to hear Jackie, though, you have to listen to us waffling on as usual, about such matters as:

legless frogs
the legal smoking age limit
litotes
sex vs. Buckaroo
Roman numerals
Snog Marry Avoid?
proxy servers
and
heirloom gobstoppers.

Plus: Olly exposes The Artist complainers as FRAUDS; Helen’s inner Russell Brand is unleashed; and before you ask, the reason Martin the Sound Man didn’t come with us to meet Jackie Mason is NOT because no goys were allowed, but because he had to go to work! Science waits for no man.

There’s more Jackie in this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, where he holds forth upon the upcoming US election and Harry Redknapp’s dog, so fire up your iDevices or Android.

AMT is back to its normal guestless state next week, but we’re not alone so long as we have your QUESTIONS; so leave a voicemail on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) or send an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 176 – menarche-mallow

May 26, 2011

Hello listeners, hello!

It’s been a long holiday, but huzzah, we have returned intact. Since last we spoke, Olly has entered his thirties, and Helen and Martin entered the matrimonial institution (with each other, don’t worry!), so as you will hear, Answer Me This! Episode 176 is all mature and responsible right from the off:

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Conversation-nuggets in today’s gold-pan include:

divine disapproval of Helen’n’Martin’s legalised union
Gordon Ramsey’s Cambodian eggy treat
phallic salad
the Pringles saddle
Madonna as Cruella de Vil
Pamela Anderson as cola bottle
the tragic life of Mr E
Forever Plaid
freedom of the city
aldermen
grungers vs. lumberjacks
caviar vs. frogspawn
and
Peppa Pig.

Plus! If you’re looking to pull, just take Olly out on the town with you; Helen bemoans the public interest in whether her womb is available to let on a nine-month contract; and Martin the Sound Man does not want to sound Dickensian. Spoilsport! This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone or Android) is about the only meme to involve high-end millinery (that we know of): Princess Beatrice’s fancy hat.

It may have been a while, but you still know what to do: ask us QUESTIONS, in the form of voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. As a reward for your diligence, you can have free audiobooks and half-price Audible membership at answermethispodcast.com/audible until June 5th. Lazy people who don’t bother asking us questions are allowed those too, as an incentive. Carrot not stick, right? And carrot sticks best of all. Blend a metaphor, get a crudite, as our great-grandmothers used to say.

See you next week!

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 167 – like Oprah with bad breath

February 17, 2011

MISSING: 35-year-old man, answers to the name ‘Nelly’. Last seen wearing a backwards cap and a T-shirt 5 sizes too big for him. If anyone has information leading to the safe return of Nelly, please call 0800-555-RECENTWORKDIDNOTMAKEANIMPACTINTHEUKCHARTS.

Then, while you wait anxiously for news, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 167:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

It’s not just Nelly missing. Where’s Wally? Where’s Waldo? Where’s Walter? It’s an epidemic of missing men… But not missing podcast-topics, which this week include:

electoral register unfairness
fake tan lines
John Krasinski
D-locks
Martin Handford
Lake Havasu City
TK Maxx vs. TJ Maxx
Walkers Crisps vs. the American War of Independence
the kingdom of Mercia vs. the kingdom of Wessex
Roger Federer vs. William Tell
Harry Potter vs. Queen Victoria
inappropriate poetry corner
massivesnouts.com
passive-aggressive chairs
Soulwax
the wrong London Bridge
the Ponte Vecchio
and
Mark Foster (whoooooo?).

Plus: Olly touches himself up – just in Photoshop, of course; Helen enjoys her own smutty courtroom drama; and Martin the Sound Man tells you what is cool – this is. So that’s 70s revival and spindly bridges on the style list for spring/summer 2011, OK?

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iPhone or Android) is a question from Ken in Brooklyn about the pickelhaube, one of the few headgear-styles yet to be revived by hipsters. Give them a few more weeks.

Now rack your brains for QUESTIONS, then send them to us in voicemail form to the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or findanswermethis on Skype) or as emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Then we can weave more podcasts out of them. Score!

See you next week,

Helen & Olly

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