Posts Tagged ‘mums’

EPISODE 339: The Master Baker

September 8, 2016

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All hail the greatest Middleton sibling – not the one that begat the next generation of royals; not the one with 2011’s favourite bottom; the Marshmallow King!

He appears in Answer Me This! Episode 339, alongside such topics as:

Jaffa cakes
Pringles cakes
The Great British Bake Off vs the Pillsbury Bake-Off
QR codes
MILF money
emergency services before 999
Thomas Edison electrocuting animals (but not an elephant)
spotted dick dogs
and
the state of being on fleek.

Plus: Olly would happily forgo the best thing about Dalmatians, the wally; Helen ponders making an augmented reality patchwork quilt; and Martin the Sound Man needs praise ASAP – it’s an emergency!

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available on iThings, Android and Windows devices – sees Helen trying to get in on the Pippa Middleton party book business.

For more royal infotainment, get the AMT Jubilee album from answermethisstore.com, where you can also find our other albums, and our first 200 episodes. If you need further noises in your life, get yourself a free audiobook at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

Today’s episode was sponsored by the whacking great text adventure game Fallen London, which you can play in browser or app; but you’ll get some in-game freebies if you sign up at failbettergames.com/answers.

To send us questions for future episodes, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back on 22 September with AMT340,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT339 Child-Friendly Rating: 57%
Mentions drug use and contains a couple of strong swears, but no bawdy talk. •••


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EPISODE 261 – SO delicious

June 13, 2013

Hello listeners,

This week, we learn a few very important lessons about sheep: not to underestimate them intellectually and emotionally; what they have in common with Margaret Thatcher; and what they also have in common with Helen’s mum. Discover these things right now in Answer Me This! Episode 261:

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In which we also learn about:

emogothpunk style
Casper the Suicidal Ghost
small-talk with accountants
the losers’ cafe in The Apprentice
BHS Dr Martens
free sunglasses
pony-drawn rollers
the Cabinet vs. the Divine Right of Kings
iced coffee vs. cold coffee
Olly’s face vs. Richard Gere’s face
The All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club
hair-blindness
and
advice from Paul Ross.

Plus: Olly had to go cold turkey on the brown, by which we mean Mr Brown drinks, not heroin; Helen sounds and looks and smells like an old fart; and Martin the Sound Man’s emotional needs are not going to be met by sheep. Let’s not even contemplate whether they can meet his sexual needs, please. But you can meet Martin’s needs by going to his website or YouTube to watch his spectacular new music video (/visual evidence of his nervous breakdown).

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) Helen expresses her ever-unrealised desire for unusual-coloured hair. She may have wimped out of having an experimental phase in her teens, but when she’s a geriatric she WILL go full-bore Marge Simpson. Promise.

Promise us to send us your QUESTIONS for our next series: leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

We’ll be back with AMT262 on 11th July, so please join us then; in the meantime, check back here for our imminent album, the Answer Me This! Holiday, our all-new follow-up to our Top 20 (no really!) albums Jubilee and Sports Day, available for your delectation at answermethispodcast.com/albums.

Byeeee!

Helen & Olly

AMT261 Child-Friendly Rating: 90%.
References to hiding pornographic magazines; very mild profanity.

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EPISODE 239 – Reich Krispies

November 29, 2012

Hi listeners,

So that unfeasibly rich child from Two and a Half Men says you should not watch Two and a Half Men because it is pisspoor FILTH and THE ENEMY’S PLAN.

As usual there’s some mild FILTH in Answer Me This! Episode 239. Can’t disclose the enemy’s plans; you’ll have to interpret them yourself when you listen:

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Today we consider:

The Queen 4 Harry Styles
Australian Xmas
chocolate crispy cakes
immoral i-spying mums
helmets vs. head injuries
AMT1-120 vs. THX 1138
Simon Cowell’s corruption
beleaguered Morrisons mums
sweeties from Firebox
Oxford Street Marmite lights
the Royal Variety Performance
Heston’s Food Panto
wedding politics
pants photosynthesis
and
being microwaved to death.

Plus: Olly blows bubbles out of his bum; Helen calls for tougher gum laws; and Martin the Sound Man is pleased you all seem to like his package.

This week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) is more hot air from Olly, as he recounts how he burped into a stranger’s face. Luckily, because Olly couldn’t hear it at the time, it DID NOT COUNT.

Your QUESTIONS definitely do count, so please email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com or leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 178 – big comely nuts

June 9, 2011

Good day to you, dear listeners,

In Answer Me This! Episode 178, we finally discover the point of marriage. It’s not for the love, or for religion, or for the kids. It’s not even for the presents or the party. So what the flap is it for?

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Therein we mention:

the universal train ticket
Eliphas Levi
Buzz Aldrin’s pants
Helen’s slutty mum
the goat of lust
the shittest ride at Thorpe Park
pentagrams
Tetley Tea
McPizzas
Helen and Martin’s divorce settlement
and
the price of nuts.

Plus: Olly wouldn’t want to be the centre of attention on The Happiest Day of His Life (because that would make it too similar to all the other days of his life); Helen operates an equal opportunities policy for animals – she’s happy to cook and eat the ugly ones AND the pretty ones; and Martin the Sound Man tells you how to trap an evil spirit. All you need is a pair of compasses, a ruler and some chalk.

In this week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone or Android), a question from horticulturist Stephen makes us go all Gardener’s Question Time. It must be the smell of manure on the rosebeds that makes Olly hallucinate about a time when we’re wealthy and successful, because if you want your own country pile with 100 acres, don’t ever go into podcasting. EVER.

We do love to hear from you, so please get on the phone (0208 123 5877), the Skype (look for answermethis) or the email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com and ask us your QUESTIONS. If AMT were a sausage, your questions would be the minced pigbits, we would be the rusk and additives. And I think we’ve all just learnt why analogies involving sausages are not a good idea.

Love,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 176 – menarche-mallow

May 26, 2011

Hello listeners, hello!

It’s been a long holiday, but huzzah, we have returned intact. Since last we spoke, Olly has entered his thirties, and Helen and Martin entered the matrimonial institution (with each other, don’t worry!), so as you will hear, Answer Me This! Episode 176 is all mature and responsible right from the off:

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Conversation-nuggets in today’s gold-pan include:

divine disapproval of Helen’n’Martin’s legalised union
Gordon Ramsey’s Cambodian eggy treat
phallic salad
the Pringles saddle
Madonna as Cruella de Vil
Pamela Anderson as cola bottle
the tragic life of Mr E
Forever Plaid
freedom of the city
aldermen
grungers vs. lumberjacks
caviar vs. frogspawn
and
Peppa Pig.

Plus! If you’re looking to pull, just take Olly out on the town with you; Helen bemoans the public interest in whether her womb is available to let on a nine-month contract; and Martin the Sound Man does not want to sound Dickensian. Spoilsport! This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone or Android) is about the only meme to involve high-end millinery (that we know of): Princess Beatrice’s fancy hat.

It may have been a while, but you still know what to do: ask us QUESTIONS, in the form of voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. As a reward for your diligence, you can have free audiobooks and half-price Audible membership at answermethispodcast.com/audible until June 5th. Lazy people who don’t bother asking us questions are allowed those too, as an incentive. Carrot not stick, right? And carrot sticks best of all. Blend a metaphor, get a crudite, as our great-grandmothers used to say.

See you next week!

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 134 – it’s quite difficult to peel a dinosaur

May 6, 2010

Dear Listeners,

This week we caught not one but two Maypole dances! After the sight of a team of hail-lashed eight-year-olds cavorting around a giant phallic symbol, then a second helping of the same, anything’s going to seem anticlimactic. Except, perhaps, for Answer Me This! Episode 134:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Wherein we speak of:

Peppy the polar bear
Mint Imperials
ostrich meat
Claude Garamond
Roald Dahl
Microsoft whimsy
the Empire State Building
Australian superlatives
British teen pregnancy rates WIN
the Burj Al Arab
phone cake
Stanley Morison
the Mr Bean Diary
and
Kidderminster.

Plus: Olly emphasises the importance of proper hydration during hot hungover Hellenic hikes; Helen recalls her days as the Nadia Comaneci of Tunbridge Wells; and Martin the Sound Man poaches an old Pappy’s Fun Club joke, With Hilarious Results. Or similar. We also implore you to help out Ian from Florida with his dating profile; click here to see it and comment politely thereupon.

Apologies to any of you who couldn’t get through to our Question Line last week; it’s up and running as normal now, so don’t hesitate to leave your QUESTIONS on it by dialling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or, of course, emailing them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, in the classical style.

If you enjoy staying up all night listening to the radio, tonight you can hear us assisting Iain Dale on LBC from midnight-6am as the election results roll in; tune in on 97.3FM, Sky Channel 0124 or online via lbc.co.uk.

See you next Thursday!

Helen and Olly

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