Posts Tagged ‘smoking’

EPISODE 340: the post-pre-Netflix world

September 22, 2016

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Listeners, how terribly remiss of us to make it through three quarters of 2016 without marking the fact that it has been designated by the UN as the International Year of Pulses. But thankfully there’s still three months of it in which to celebrate, starting with a pulverised pea party in Answer Me This! Episode 340. We also speak of:

VHS tapes
bear shit
whale shit
mushy peas
candy floss
Graham from Canada nostalgia
double beds
The Hays Code
bad advice from The Modern Man (NOT The Modern Mann)
marrowfat facts (marrowfacts?)
and
FitFatbit.

Plus: Olly finally unsubscribed from his ‘Paying for a gym is just as productive as attending a gym’ fitness plan; Helen advises on her specialist subject: avoiding social interaction; and Martin the Sound Man is all umami and no trousers.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available on iThings, Android and Windows devices – an anonymous questioneer has a dilemma about free wine. Well, it’s not really free. Someone always pays. Just, in this case, not him. (But possibly Martin, twice, because he is SUCH a good citizen.)

If you want to spend your wine budget on more AMT, head to answermethisstore.com to stock up on our albums and our first 200 episodes. You can also generate FREE MONEY for us and a FREE AUDIOBOOK for you at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

To send us questions for future episodes, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back on 6 October with AMT341,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT340 Child-Friendly Rating: 44%. Quite a few strong swears. References to sex. •••

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EPISODE 331: wanking doesn’t change

January 28, 2016

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With Olly’s baby poised to make his entrance into this world, Answer Me This! Episode 331 is our last episode before our three-month paternity leave, while Olly adjusts to fatherhood and Helen adjusts to going outside occasionally. Savour answers about:

lads’ mags
cereal toys
spotting the stars of tomorrow as they toil at the Disney parks
‘For He’s as dead as a herring a Jolly Good Fellow’
swimming rabbits
cafes vs brasseries vs bistros
Jane Eyre vs Thelma and Louise
The Lord of the Rings road trips
Jo Guest
Tutti Frutti in 3D
ceramic babies
blue rinses
Bulgarian food
Skyrim
Kevin Costner
and
Titcoin.

Plus: we’ve birthed a new album! AMT Love is out now, and you can read all about it and click to buy it at answermethispodcast.com/love.

A question from AMT Love went astray and ended up as today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for iThings, Android and Windows devices). It’s from long-time AMT listener Ace: if you’re young, poor and in Oxford, and you want to go on a Tinder date but you don’t want it to be “Drink?” or “Coffee?”, what do you do instead? Why, you date AMT-style of course! Meet you by the singing cockroaches.

During our three months off, why not amuse yourself by starting a podcast/online store/website using today’s sponsor Squarespace.com? You can have 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year, plus a free domain thrown in, if you invoke the code ANSWER at checkout.

We will return in May, but keep in touch in the meantime at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis – which is where we will let you know the due date of AMT332 a couple of weeks ahead of time, AND where we will also post news of Baby Mann once he appears (and has been through hair and makeup, had a spray tan, and undergone intensive media training).

All together now: “For he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good fellow, for he’s a jolly good herring…WHICH NOBODY CAN DENY.”

Helen & Olly

••• AMT331 Child-Friendly Rating: 42%
Some swears, but pretty clean until the last ten minutes, when there’s a question about lads’ mags and top shelf publications. YOU KNOW THE ONES WE MEAN. The ones your kids are too short to reach/don’t need to reach because they can view all the proclivities of humanity on your phone that they swiped from you. •••

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new dough scraper; new old life

July 21, 2015

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We love to hear how our questioneers have fared in the wake of our counsel. Here’s a brace of emails from questioneers of episodes long past, some happy, some sad. Let’s start happy, with Eleanor from the Isle of Man from AMT305:

You kindly answered my question in January as to whether I should steal my dad’s dough scraper that he clearly had no intention of using. So imagine my excitement this morning when opening my birthday presents from my husband and children to discover they got me not only a dough scraper, but also an Answer Me This apron! Problem solved!

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Aaah! Feast your eyes on that birthday joy, then bathe in the sorrow of AMT247‘s Emily:

A few years ago I messaged you about being caught by my boyfriend as I was smoking in the bath and how I tried to play it off as in fact me masturbating.

So, the development is that after 3 years together he has left me, as in ‘stood in the doorway with his bags packed when I got home from work’ left me. I didn’t see it coming and this is really shit.

My question is this: how, when you chose the city you inhabit, the flat you live in, the pets you have and the routine that fills your life for your partner, can you stop being constantly reminded of them once they have left you? Note: I now have a grad scheme job, friends here and am tied into a rental contract (foolishly just in my name) so can’t move away.

Comiserations, Emily. But at least now you can do whatever you want in the bath, without stoking his insecurities.

Readers, have you any ideas for Emily to reboot her life? Rearrange the furniture, take a different route into work, hang out with friends in places you haven’t been before? Not sure what you can do about the pets, but perhaps you could teach them to bark in a different key or swim around the little plastic castle in the opposite direction.

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EPISODE 310: collops

March 19, 2015

Queen brownies

Phwoar! Look at the orbs on that! Etc.

Why are we leering over an inaccurate drawing of Her Maj? Find out in Answer Me This! Episode 310:

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Today we consider:

Brownies
bacon
Hamlet cigars
cleaning your stovetop
cleaning like Robocop
the redundancy of toothpaste
the ethics of Tesco Clubcard vouchers
Jurassic Park: The Ballet
Home Alone: The Ballet
Miss Saigon: The Helicopter
post-coital smoking
post-coital tristesse
and
chicken-flavoured crisps.

Plus: Olly is ready to join a Cub Pack for adults; Helen campaigns for Cheetos to be sold in the UK; and the latest victim of Martin the Sound Man’s uncanny impersonations is Jeff Goldblum. What did Goldblum ever do to you, Martin? We also hear back from AMT308 questioneer Lizzie, whose life is getting more Sliding Doors with every passing episode.

For further beanery following AMT309, peruse the listener-submitted Bean Gallery, and listen to today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available for iThings, Android and Windows gadgets) in which listener Nick describes his recent experience of sitting in a baked bean bath for 27 HOURS. For charity. Not for his own fun.

For our fun and yours, please supply us with your questions. Leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and fire emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our online pal at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Thanks very much to Squarespace.com for supporting this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year if you use the code ‘ANSWER‘. Go forth and create the website of your dreams! (The good dreams, not the ones where you’re being chased by a terrifying headless monk with the claws of a bear.)

we’ll return on 2nd April 2015 with AMT311. Join us!

Helen & Olly

••• AMT310 Child-Friendly Rating: 77%. Only a couple of swears. Content is pretty clean, even a question about post-coital smoking. •••

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EPISODE 276 – artificial hardship

October 24, 2013

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Hello listeners,

As Halloween approaches, in Answer Me This! Episode 276 we wonder how it is that in films, adorable little girls become UTTERLY TERRIFYING. See above. Then listen below:

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We also consider:

Cineworld Stevenage
Stars in their Eyes
the most tree-filled city in Europe
pound shops
Lisa Stansfield
working night shifts
Freddo bars
Bon Jovi vs Dr Alban
Midlands canals vs Venetian canals
the Clee Hills vs the Urals
the Torquay Eye
Chinese restaurants
Stoptober, Movember and Dickember
and
balti.

Plus: Olly gets busy with the passover plate; you can sponsor Helen next time she’s buying posh chocolate; and Martin the Sound Man gets a whole question about his birthplace, Birmingham! Beware: the Brummie beast is unleashed…

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android and Windows) we tackle a question from Ali from Cambridge, who after her recent break-up is gripped by the urge to chop her hair off. Classic technique, Ali.

We do want your whelming facts about Birmingham, or even your own hometown, but most of all we want your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT276 Child-Friendly Rating: 87%. A couple of swears, though the strongest are quoting a child, Regan in The Exorcist.

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EPISODE 273 – meat juice

October 3, 2013

Hello listeners!

While we reel from the ‘IT’S OCTOBER ALREADY, HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?’ feeling, get stuck into Answer Me This! Episode 273:

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Today we tackle such subjects as:

Olly Mann vs Eminem
old men vs dead men
Shakespeare vs Star Trek
“carriages at 11pm”
spare buttons
Michelin Guides
naming planets
and
The Fat Duck.

Furthermore: Olly is not a particularly discerning restaurant reviewer; the surprise element means Helen is bound for glory in rap battles; and Martin the Sound Man’s not going to helm an AMT Album about rocket science any time soon, though you can buy his new concept album Kill It With Fire – all proceeds go to the charity Arts Emergency.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices or Android) we continue our discussion about Michelin-starred restaurants, but somehow end up considering which wines to pair with a Gregg’s pasty. These things happen.

If you want more AMT to happen, send in your QUESTIONS: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

And please do give squarespace.com a whirl: they have not only sponsored today’s episode of AMT, but are also offering you a 10% discount off their service if you use the code Answer10, after you’ve had your two weeks’ free website-building fun.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

AMT273 Child-Friendly Rating: 94%. Light on bawdy-talk and it was SO close to being a swear-free episode until we mentioned of the planet Uranus, causing Martin the Sound Man to make up some sweary planet names of his own. A couple of low-impact swears thereafter. Also a passing reference to bongs, but not one encouraging kids to use them.

PS Any excuse for a bit of William Shatner:

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EPISODE 249 – a long line of sadists

March 7, 2013

Hello listeners, and goodbye as we will be off for the next two Thursdays. That’s just enough time for you to listen to a free audiobook, enjoy Martin the Sound Man’s album, subscribe to the other weekly podcast featuring us Let’s Talk About Tech, peruse our back catalogue, and mow the lawn.

And, do not forget, listen to Answer Me This! Episode 249 as well:

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Today we discuss:

tweed
Michael Jackson’s umbrella
chopsticks
Gaelic warlords
pipe-smoking
tax trends
The Fugitive vs. fairytales
Harold Wilson vs. Gandalf
lockers
the goddess Ériu
Toronto, Kansas
chopsticks
and
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach.

Plus: teenage Olly was the lovelorn Bard of txtspk; Helen is going to spend the AMTbreak in Scotland investigating The Mystery of the Missing Sweet and Sour Pork Balls; and Martin the Sound Man won’t sacrifice choice for convenience when it comes to the specific heat capaity of his toast toppings.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android), we delve further into Chris from Lewes’s question about combining butter with other spreadable substances. Perhaps he’s just ahead of his time! Or perhaps he really is just unbelievably lazy.

You, however, ought not be so lazy that you fail to send us your QUESTIONS for the next series. Leave voicemails on the Question Line by calling 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis; or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Give us something great with which to celebrate AMT250, because we can’t afford a marching band.

Until 28th March, farewell!

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 243 – romper suit with a bow tie

January 24, 2013

Good morning listeners,

Today, we set you some coursework. We need you to conduct practical experiments into Thorntons‘ personalised icing policies, and report the results with illustrative materials. Your challenge is fully explained in Answer Me This! Episode 243:

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Wherein we contemplate:

Roland Wank
elephant gelatine
Frankel
Milky Way
Percy Pig and Pals confectionery counterfeits
Game On
cutlery rules
bow tie rules
Monopoly real estate
dishwasher doors
Rizla+
Bill Bottrell
Mr Mars
Olympics keyrings
Brent Dixon’s keychains
the mystery of ‘Black or White’
and
onesies.

Plus: Olly admits that he likes to be infantilised, to the surprise of nobody; Helen finds out where to pass ‘Go’, but nobody gives her £200; and capitalist Martin the Sound Man gets trumped playing Socialist Monopoly.

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices and Android) we discuss Channel 4’s Wank Week, which never aired because it was too classy for their schedules.

Don’t think you’re too classy to send us your QUESTIONS: all are welcome, so email them to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, or leave a voicemail on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

PS Remember, every week you can receive an extra shot of us talking if you listen to BBC 5 Live’s Let’s Talk About Tech podcast.
PPS You can receive numerous extra shots of Martin the Sound Man by seeking out his myriad other podcasts: The Sound of the Ladies podcast, the Brain Train podcast, the Global Lab podcast…

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EPISODE 206 with special guest Jackie Mason!

February 23, 2012

Answer Me This! Episode 206 is an exciting one, because we’re joined by legendary comedian and erstwhile rabbi Jackie Mason!

We snuck backstage to talk to him at the Wyndhams Theatre, where he’s performing his farewell show Fearlessclick here to find out more about it and buy tickets – and we learned many things: real people are better to watch than Caddyshack II; Lucozade has yet to break America; and Madonna is a sick person (well, we did have an inkling of that already).

For more wisdom, listen:

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Before you get to hear Jackie, though, you have to listen to us waffling on as usual, about such matters as:

legless frogs
the legal smoking age limit
litotes
sex vs. Buckaroo
Roman numerals
Snog Marry Avoid?
proxy servers
and
heirloom gobstoppers.

Plus: Olly exposes The Artist complainers as FRAUDS; Helen’s inner Russell Brand is unleashed; and before you ask, the reason Martin the Sound Man didn’t come with us to meet Jackie Mason is NOT because no goys were allowed, but because he had to go to work! Science waits for no man.

There’s more Jackie in this week’s Bit of Crap on the App, where he holds forth upon the upcoming US election and Harry Redknapp’s dog, so fire up your iDevices or Android.

AMT is back to its normal guestless state next week, but we’re not alone so long as we have your QUESTIONS; so leave a voicemail on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis) or send an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next Thursday,

Helen & Olly

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EPISODE 177 – angle of dangle

June 2, 2011

Hello pals,

What would you do if you had the run of the Houses of Parliament? Rifle through all the documents with TOP SECRET stamped on them? Leave a drawing pin on the Speaker’s chair? Try on all of Theresa May’s shoes? Or use their wifi to listen to Answer Me This! Episode 177?

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

In this episode we contemplate that matter, and others:

Shutter Island
anti-gravity
Dodgy
art vs. law
parliamentary privilege vs. podcasting privilege
the BBFC vs. the Mull of Kintyre test
accredited space agents
conspiracy theorists
school play smoking
reprobate Mel Smith
Princess Michael
‘Governor’ Palin
‘Cape Canaveral’
and
squid rings.

Plus: Olly would have got more action at university had it not been for his inner gameshow; Helen gives a lesson on basic squid anatomy; and Martin the Sound Man swears that with bog-standard telescopes, you could read a copy of yesterday’s Evening Standard that someone had left on Uranus as clearly as gawking at it over the shoulder of your fellow commuter. This week’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App (available on iPhone or Android) sees Olly point the finger at the real villains of the 21st century: anyone who puts one of these in their mouth. You monsters!

You have until June 5th to snap up free audiobooks and half-price Audible membership at answermethispodcast.com/audible, but you have all the time you need to ask us QUESTIONS, in the form of voicemails on the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or find answermethis on Skype) or emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Although don’t take too long over it, because we’ve got to be back here next week with a new episode, and without your questions in it, it’d be like we’d turned time back to Web 1.0. Which is just too awful to contemplate.

Byeeee!

Helen & Olly

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Episode 152 – the one-stop Bar Mitzvah shop

October 14, 2010

Hello!

Of course, you’re already used to getting good advice from us. (Shut up!) But this week, we have some even better advice from broadcasting stalwart Paul Ross, which was instrumental in making Olly Mann the broadcasting stalwart he himself is today. Hear what it was here and here only, in Answer Me This! Episode 152:


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

This week, we address subjects including:

90s collars
Benson & Hedges
The Saturdays
butterbear
Carr’s water biscuits
yuppie kids
evil spirits
Ciro Citterio
the Queen vs. Pixie Lott
Batman’s wedding
Hong Kong tailors
trangias
Terry’s Chocolate Lemons
ligatures
Warhorse
Ben Stiller’s workwear
the musical cleft
Luciano Pavarotti outstaying his welcome
ball-handlers
the Isle of Arran
and
&.

Furthermore: Olly is a staunch conservative when it comes to the appropriate composition of orange-flavoured foodstuffs; Helen’s innate scruffiness has dashed her telemarketing dreams; and Martin the Sound Man stands up for Tom Stoppard. Meanwhile, over on the app, Gaz from Jedburgh has a question about a problem we’re sure is common to a great many of you: nepotism in the forestry business.

Everyone who got a question answered in today’s episode needs to email us their postal address sharpish, so we can send along a free copy of the Answer Me This! book; everyone else needs to send us a QUESTION to be in with a chance to win a free book, along with an answer, of course. You know what to do: leave a voicemail on the Question Line 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

See you next week!

Helen and Olly

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EPISODE 139 – nothing about a stork makes me horny. Nothing!

June 10, 2010

Cover your kiddies’ ears during Answer Me This! Episode 139. Not just because of the usual effing and blinding (although that can’t be wholesome for them, surely?), but because this week, we talk about [whisper] Where Babies Come From [/whisper]. Shudder!


This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just 79p at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

Aside from the role of birds in the human reproductive process, we speak of:

Sauron’s bird feeders
Billy Kennedy’s fluffy dice
posset
turkey farming
‘shimmering apricot mould’
bloodworm
Kia-Ora
the Virgin Mary vs. pelicans
Ted Heath vs. Hugh Grant
chum salmon vs. chambermates
Chambourcy Hippopotamousse
and
the correct classification of pasta salad.

Plus: Olly turns his fishbowl into a scene from Cannibal Holocaust; Helen busts out another member of her Nauseating Cookery Book collection; and Martin the Sound Man seems to know more than the average sound man about clinical trials, although he was born and raised in a petri dish in a GlaxoSmithKline laboratory…

Now don’t get upset, but after next week’s episode, we’ll be taking a month off to rest our voices. So get your QUESTIONS in, quick! Call 0208 123 5877, Skype answermethis or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. See you next Thursday, and we’ll make that precious time together count, ok?

Helen and Olly

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