Posts Tagged ‘totally fucked up’

while you were sleeping

August 20, 2013

CLICK HERE FOR AMT267

We thought ‘John from Wrexham‘ from AMT263 would have supplied us with the most dysfunctional personal problem of the year, but Anonymous is providing strong, strong competition. The tale is long, but stay attentive, because it does NOT go where you think it’s going to go from the set-up. Serious warning: contains potential trigger subjects. Approach with caution.

OK, here Anonymous goes:

I share a large house with some friends. We’re a friendly bunch and our abode has always been where parties seem to spontaneously happen. Friends, friends of friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, colleagues, neighbours… At least once a week there seems to be an impromptu gathering and a good time is had by all. It’s been this way for about six years.

About two years ago someone noticed that certain items were disappearing – the odd CD or occasional book – and this put a bit of a downer on things. We had our suspicions who the culprit was but couldn’t prove anything so those of us who lived in the house decided to move our personal belongings to our respective bedrooms.

After a hard evening’s imbibing of intoxicants I have a bit of a reputation to become more than a little comatose, but usually make it to bed. Because of this I decided to add a little more protection for my stuff by setting up a motion sensor security camera via my laptop and webcam – just in case the pilferer decided to take advantage of my deep sleep and the fact that my girlfriend was a nurse who sometimes worked night shifts and wasn’t always staying over.

Our precautions worked and the stealing seemed to stop but the partying continued – all was well in the world.

I’ve recently bought a house with my girlfriend of 8 years and we plan to get married next year, so I’ve been packing up all my belongings but couldn’t find a particular couple of CDs. I immediately thought that our thieving acquaintance must have had away with them and remembered my security set up and decided to see if anything had recorded from 2 years ago.

In I stumble and manage to get undressed before staggering naked to the bathroom before returning, turning the light out and collapsing onto the bed.

The lack of motion stops the recording, before starting again 40 minutes later when the door to my room opens and a figure slips quietly in and closes the door behind them.

A tabletop light is switched on – the figure is female and certainly not the person who we suspected of stealing. She sits on the bed and starts loudly whispering my name as though trying to wake me up. This goes on for a couple of minutes before she starts shaking me violently and eventually slapping my face. As I mentioned earlier, once I’m in a particularly inebriated state there is absolutely no way of waking me so this person is wasting their time.

The female stands and I notice that it is my girlfriend’s best and oldest friend, Alice.

What happened next was completely unexpected. (more…)

Advertisements