Posts Tagged ‘wine’

EPISODE 348: Crab Discoverer

March 2, 2017

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Jelly in your pipes,
Jelly in your pipes,
Wibbly wobbly wibbly wobbly
Jelly in your pipes!

Seriously, people, don’t pour jelly into your pipes. It will prove a trifle problematic.

Other matters considered in Answer Me This! Episode 348:

the sorting hat spider
the Harry Potter crab
the Michael Crichtonsaurus
The Great British Bake Off/Pottery Throwdown/Jelly-Off
charcoal vs teeth
the Liberty Bell vs Big Ben (WHICH IS A BELL (and you’re a bell if you point this out, matey))
your neighbour vs kangaroos
kangaroos vs breast implants
Caesar salads
passports: i) front cover of; ii) losing at airports
and
a slightly hairy elephant.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iPadPhones, Android and Windows devices – there’s a counter-claim as to the inventor of the Caesar salad, and Olly purloins a posh example of the dish.

Occupy your ears with our other audio projects: Olly hosts The Week Unwrapped and has returned with a new season of The Modern Mann; Helen’s Allusionist has more eponyms for your consumption; and Martin’s Song By Song currently features Helen’s brother Andy Zaltzman and his wife Miranda, making her podcasting debut.

You can also hear all the AMT special albums and episodes 1-200 if you shop at answermethisstore.com. Don’t forget: to receive one retro episode every month in your feed, subscribe to AMT on your podcatcher of choice!

Thanks to our friends at Squarespace.com for sponsoring this episode, and for giving you 10% off their website-hosting and -designing services for a whole year if you use the discount code ‘answer‘.

Send us your QUESTIONS: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Be our interfriend at twitter.com/HelenAndOlly and facebook.com/answermethis.

We’ll be back with AMT349 on 6 April 2017, and with a Retro AMT on 23 March.

#protectthetits,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT348 Child-Friendly Rating: 74%. A swear or two, but otherwise fairly genteel. •••

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EPISODE 337: not to be sold separately

August 11, 2016
The last AMT recording in the show's birthplace and home (also Helen and Martin's home)

The last AMT recording in the show’s birthplace and home (also Helen and Martin’s home)

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Well, this is it: the final episode to be recorded at the Zaltzwick homestead, at the housewarming party of which Olly came up to Helen and asked her to do a podcast. You know what happened next…

If you DON’T know what happened next: a shitload of episodes. Including the latest, Answer Me This! Episode 337, in which we discuss:

tandems
Native American food
fingerprints
coconut oil
what to drink with your kebab
The Beef and Dairy Network
celebrity soap opera cameos breaking down the fourth wall
planting evidence
oil pulling
and
reading mum’s diary.

Plus: how The Archers affects Olly’s libido; how soup repels Helen more than a plateful of brains; how Martin the Sound Man ruins/elevates a future episode of Miss Marple.

Today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App is a question from Kirsty from Edinburgh about The Casket and Sunnyside magazine, formerly the number 1 toilet read for the funeral industry. Get the app on your Apple, Android and Windows devices. For further audio, treat yourself to a free audiobook at answermethispodcast.com/audible.

We forgot to mention that today’s intermission is from AMT121; get it, or any of AMTs 1-200, from answermethisstore.com. You’ll find our albums there as well; the Olympic Times are also the AMT Sports Day Times, and Summer Holiday Times are also the Answer Me This! Holiday Times. But both of those albums still work if you shun the Olympics and/or holidays.

To send us questions for future episodes, email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com, call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, and leave us a voicemail by Skyping answermethis or calling 0208 123 5877. Did you recognise the songs in Thom from Pennsylvania’s supercut of the phone jingle? They were:

0 – Maneater by Hall and Oates
2 – Another One Bites the Dust by Queen
0 – Wake Up by Arcade Fire
8 – Too Late by Carole King
1 – One by Three Dog Night
2 – Just the Two of Us by Bill Withers
3 – Two Outta Three Ain’t Bad by Meatloaf
5 – 8675309 by Tommy Tutone
double – Double Trouble by Lynyrd Skynyrd
7 – Seven by Prince

Say hi at twitter.com/helenandolly and facebook.com/answermethis – and hang out with Helen in real life at the Allusionist live show during the London Podcast Festival. Get your tickets here.

We’ll be back on 25 August with AMT338,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT337 Child-Friendly Rating: 70%. Are there any swears in this episode at all? There is a non-graphic question about sex, that may tip a child off to the fact that their parent may have had it. But they have to acknowledge this sooner or later. •••

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EPISODE 327: alcopox

November 12, 2015

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Would you rather feel The Weeknd’s face or see Andy McNab’s face? Actually, you don’t have to choose; you’re probably equally capable of doing both/neither. But it’s something to think about while you listen to Answer Me This! Episode 327, in which we also deal with questions about:

party poppers
piercings vs mum’s disapproval
Sixpence None The Richer vs drug references
Olly vs his own feelings about Tom Cruise
being struck by lightning
vegetarian weddings
envious actors
humiliating ham
the moment Dr Martens ceased to be the footwear of rebels
and
Greek wine.

Plus: we learn who is Olly’s 47th favourite film star; Helen’s imaginary boyfriend didn’t even spring from her own imagination; and Martin the Teenage Physics Weirdo thinks people should express themselves through their appearance and through their weddings.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, Olly reveals: 1. what he thinks of ‘Golden Brown’ by The Stranglers; 2. which songs make him want to piss. We know you’ve been desperate to learn these two things, so rush to the app, which is available for iThings, Android and Windows devices.

Thanks very much to today’s sponsor Squarespace.com, who’ll give you 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year (and with which you get a URL, loads of storage and 24/7 support) if you stand in front of the bathroom mirror and say five times use the code ANSWER.

Send us your questions, please! Leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Befriend us online at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We’ll return on 27th November 2015 with AMT328.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT327 Child-Friendly Rating: 55%. Some swears, sex and drug references, and discussions that may encourage your offspring to modify their bodies with piercings or party poppers. •••

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EPISODE 323: not all snails

September 17, 2015

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What is the greatest sorrow of being let go from a job? The loss of income? The blow to the self-esteem? The fear for the future? Or not even having tried the macho peas???

In Answer Me This! Episode 323, listeners wrestle with this problem and many more, such as:

Venetian gondolas
bendy straws
cheapskate dinner party cheats
the Queen’s Privy Council
snail-purging
Nando’s in the USA
Right Honourable Friends
coming out parties
the cola rankings
and
ironed underwear.

Plus: prepare to be FASCINATED as Olly shares his laundry workflow; Helen’s dad has failed to capitalise on Nando’s art collection; and Martin the Sound Man stops flirting and cuts to the chase – he’s starting a new podcast so prepare for launch.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App – available for iThings, Android and Windows devices – Martin recreates the Wicker Man out of straws and Helen inadvertently causes future mental scarring in her niece.

If you need ointment rubbed into your own mental scars, send us questions: leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. Befriend us online at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We are very grateful to Squarespace.com for supporting today’s show. Use the code ANSWER to get 10% off their website-building and -hosting services for a year, which include a URL, loads of storage and 24/7 support. That’s you covered.

We’ll return on 1st October 2015 with AMT324. Sprinkle yourself in spice mix and join us then.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT323 Child-Friendly Rating: 81%. Couple of swears, no other hazards. •••

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EPISODE 313: Master of Big Bottom Studies

April 30, 2015

Trying times today, as a questioneer faces a choice between her dream job as a vet, and her debilitating allergy to animals. What to do? Listen to Answer Me This! Episode 313, of course!

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In which we discuss:

food that is older than you
political posters
cleaning with booze
yearning
Boudin Bakery bread bacteria
Olly’s mum’s rack – spice rack, that is!
photographic memory
Jill Price
escalator speed
tortoise vets
licorice root
and
poogatory.

Plus: young Olly’s wish was to become Billy Baldwin in Sliver; Helen is desperate for someone – ANYone! – to invent a hoverbag; and Martin the Sound Man headbutted an escalator whilst still in utero, setting a precedent for a lifetime of clumsiness.

In today’s Bonus Bit of Crap on the App, there’s a question from Christine in Philadelphia whose Fitbit is bullying her into physical exertion. March on the spot as you listen via your iThings, Android and Windows phones.

Even if you don’t have a photographic memory, don’t forget to send us your questions: leave voicemails on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our online pal at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We’ll return on 14th May 2015 with AMT314, please return too!

Helen & Olly

••• AMT313 Child-Friendly Rating: 91%. One strong swear six minutes in, but it is politics-related therefore valid. Otherwise, clean. •••

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Best of AMT 2014

December 18, 2014

AMT three
Listeners, thank you so much for contributing your attention, questions and eartime to us this year. What a year it has been! Relisten to the highlights – and lowlights, including such annual delights as the Parade of Melancholy Calls and the blooper reel – in The Best of Answer Me This! 2014:

 

This classic episode is available to BUY NOW for just £1.99 at the Answer Me This! Store, through a secure server, without DRM restriction. CLICK HERE to find out more and support our podcast. (This helps keep our most recent episodes free)

So many precious moments… Create more of them in 2015 by sending us your QUESTIONS: leave a message on the Question Line – call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis – or send an email to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

By the way, if you have the AMT app on your iDevices, Android and Windows gadgets, you have access to all the previous AMT Best Ofs. For those of you who are app-less, you can obtain these joyous compilations from answermethisstore.com/best. Also at the AMT store, iTunes and Amazon, you can buy our albums and old episodes – the perfect festive gift for the AMT fan, ie you, and the perfect gift for us, ie money to continue making the show next year.

Another Christmas gift we would love is for you to tell a friend about the show! There are still a few billion people in the world who are yet to hear it, so do your bit to remedy this sad situation.

We’ll be back on Thursday 8th January 2015 with AMT305; in the meantime, behave yourselves, and keep in touch at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Byeeeeee!!!

Helen & Olly

••• Best of AMT2014 Child-Friendly Rating: 50%. Patchily suitable for all ears. The risk is yours. •••

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EPISODE 298 – White Bread World

September 18, 2014

Happy Scottish Referendum Day, everyone! To commemorate, in Answer Me This! Episode 298 we decipher what Scotland’s finest non-whisky exports the Proclaimers were going on about. Vote YES to listening:

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We also contemplate:

actors’ posthumous endorsements
Jacob Frank
godparenting
James Brown’s bridge vs Robbie Williams’s bridge
Henry Hoover
tubby Ryan Gosling vs Peter Jackson
tubby Jared Leto vs gout
tubby Christian Bale vs emaciated Christian Bale vs tubby Christian Bale vs emaciated Christian Bale
being shot in the shoulder vs being shot in the ball
and
‘Uptown Girl’.

Plus: Olly’s pet Roomba hates not hiding under the sofa; Helen hates disco; and Martin the Sound Man hates the ethics of the contracts for Baywatch, which is bad news for anybody hoping of a revival of that show starring Martin. Him running in slowmo down a beach, haversack full of microphones swaying seductively, will have to remain only in your imagination.

Ahem.

In today’s Bit of Crap on the App, which is available for iDevices old and new, Android or Windows playthings, we continue Cathy’s question about godparenting, and whether you’re obliged to buy a silver spoon for a baby. Because what says ‘Welcome to the world!’ as much as a spoon that tastes weird? Maybe we should start putting around the rumour that the traditional christening gift for godchildren is one of our albums or vintage episodes from answermethisstore.com. They’ll probably grow into it.

We cannot grow without your QUESTIONS, so call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our online friend at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

Thanks very much to Squarespace.com, for sponsoring this episode, for allowing people to build and host websites easily and beautifully, and for offering you 10% off their services for a whole year if you use the code Answer.

And joy of all joys, Martin the Sound Man has a delightful new album out, available now HERE. Make an old Sound Man happy by downloading those sounds.

We will return with AMT299 (TWO HUNDRED AND NINETY FRICKING NINE!!!!) on 2nd October, and we hope you do too.

Yours haveringly,

Helen & Olly

••• AMT298 Child-Friendly Rating: 52%. A few medium-ranking swears and an F-level swear. Discussion of dick-shaped vacuum cleaners and Barry Manilow’s penis, which latter may prove traumatic for all ages. •••


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EPISODE 292 – phallic noses

June 19, 2014

Listeners, who is the bigger idiot: the questioneer who is too big an idiot to make toast, or the podcasters who talk about that big idiot for nearly ten minutes?

The only way to decide is to listen to Answer Me This! Episode 292:

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In which we discuss:

Alexander Armstrong
McDonald’s weddings
Pop Tarts
Christmas booze
30 years since Gremlins
metal thieves vs Barbara Hepworth
graphic design vs alternative medicine
tiny toaster troubles
sass
Greyhound Buses
Olly’s next rotten criminal scheme
raccoons
and
The Raccoons.

In today’s Bit of Crap on the App, we delve deeper into the grotesque and terrifying world of novelty toasters. Join us if you dare on your iDevice, Android or Windows toy.

If you’ve invented your own amazing multi-functional toaster (“Guys! It can heat soup at the same time as cutting the toast into perfectly equal croutons!”) then build yourself a snazzy online store through our benevolent sponsors Squarespace.com, deploying the code Answer for 10% off their services for a whole year.

When you’re not too preoccupied with (re)inventing kitchen gadgetry, send us QUESTIONS: call the Question Line on 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis, or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com. And be our imaginary friend at facebook.com/answermethis and twitter.com/HelenAndOlly.

We shall return on Thursday 3rd July with AMT293 – but we’ll also be appearing on this Radio Academy panel about podcasting on 25th June; and as we mentioned, we’re also available at our side project podcasts The Media Podcast, Sound Women and Brain Train. Furthermore, to accompany all the SPOOOOOORT that seems to be happening at the moment, you can hear us talking as sportily as we are able on the AMT Sports Day album, available now at answermethisstore.com.

That’s it! We’re off to make some toast. We could be gone for some time.

Helen & Olly

••• AMT292 Child-Friendly Rating: 40%. Swears. Cartoon phallic noses. Kicks off with feedback about parental sex, the very notion of which can be traumatic for your progeny. •••

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EPISODE 287 – a very expensive potty

April 10, 2014

Hello! You still have one day to catch the first half of our Radio 4 documentary to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the word ‘podcast’. The second episode airs 11am tomorrow, Friday 11th April, and features money-making from Roman Mars, baby-making from Theresa Thorn, and something absolutely puke-making from Keith and the Girl. UPDATE: here’s Part 2.

So please do listen to that, and also to Answer Me This! Episode 287:

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Today we contemplate such topics as:

the Man from Del Monte
Tony Benn’s chair
catnip
human statues
snooze buttons
kissing gates
Miffy vs Hello Kitty
Telford vs Jamaica
CTRL+V vs CTRL+C
pedantry with partners
Artbox
netiquette
The Pageant of the Masters
and
listener Jessy’s missing colon, part II

Plus: Olly details the specifications for choosing his new alarm clock, so set your own alarm clock to jolt you back into consciousness afterwards; Helen comes up with a Doctor Who reboot for Matt Smith and an amazing sit- for a sitcom, so TV commissioners, prepare a bucket of cash and call her in for a meeting; and Martin the Sound Man won’t let you through a gate until you give him a little somethin-somethin. APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

Today’s Bit of Crap on the App, Helen gets doorbell envy. To hear all about that grievous condition, push the button on your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.

No need to envy other people’s nice websites – now you can build your own through Squarespace.com, who not only kindly funded today’s show, but are also offering you a 10% discount off their services for a whole year if you use the code answer. We used Squarespace to build answermethisstore.com and it was even easier to set up shop than it is to set up this shop.

Keep us in business by sending in your questions: call the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Back in a fortnight,

Helen & Olly

PS Get well soon, Dave from Smethwick!

AMT287 Child-Friendly Rating: 95%.
No unsuitable content, aside from the demystification of Hello Kitty. An F-bomb is detonated during the discussion of keyboard shortcuts, but thanks to the subject matter, there’s no way your kids will be paying attention.

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EPISODE 286 – code with a condom

March 27, 2014

Hello listeners!

Very exciting news: we’ve made a Radio 4 documentary to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the word ‘podcast’. It’s in two installments, out at 11am on Friday 4th and 11th April. It features many podcasting luminaries – including Marc Maron, Roman Mars, Keith and the Girl, Theresa Thorn, Betty in the Sky, the Buglers, the Night Valers, and also our old adversary Richard Herring. If you can’t wait for eight whole days to hear us talk to him, listen to the recent RHLSTP in which we air all that dirty laundry.

Amid all this talk of other things to listen to, don’t forget to apply yourself to Answer Me This! Episode 286:

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In which we discuss:

castles
Oktoberfest
chilled red wine
velvet ropes
decorative sticks
babysitting vs kitten-sitting
Mardi Gras vs Pancake Day
Navajo rugs vs dreamcatchers
Glastonbury scheduling
EcuadorPanama hats
London’s cat cafe
mythical bestiality
and
the first ever porn film.

Plus: Olly was all business, no pleasure at his school leavers’ ball; Helen prefers the pong of garlic breath to perfume; and Martin the Sound Man worries about worldly souvenirs making him into a bellend. Don’t worry Martin, you were already a bellend! JK. (Or is it?)

Today’s Bit of Crap on the App contains more perfume-chat, in which Olly sabotages any future he had as a department store perfume salesperson. Pinch your nose and spray the app into your ears from your iDevices, Android or Windows gadgets.

Here’s something that doesn’t stink: today’s episode-funders Squarespace.com offering you a 10% discount off their services for a whole year if you use the code answer3. What a breath of fresh air!

And finally, we ask that you take a deep breath and send us your QUESTIONS: call the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) or email answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Back in a fortnight!

Helen & Olly

AMT286 Child-Friendly Rating: 42%. First three quarters are clean, apart from a couple of questioneer-led swears. The episode ends on a question about porn films, but by then your children will probably have fallen asleep during the earlier question about road signs.

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cystitis no more!

January 23, 2014

CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON AMT281

AMT-brand advice has come in useful for once! Rosie from Kent living in Sardinia confided in AMT281 that she thought her in-laws’ wine was giving her cystitis. Relieved, she writes:

Your answer was bang on! It turns out that the culprit was not the wine but the fabric softener we were using! It ran out and the problem cleared up, where it had only improved when I stopped drinking the wine. In the interests of science I did a double blind drunk test and still no problems. Joy!

A triumph! AMT 1: UTIs nil!

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EPISODE 281 – a less creamy mouthful

January 16, 2014

Hello listeners!

The podcast is BACK for 2014. And changes are afoot; listen to Answer Me This! Episode 281 to discover what they are:

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But as normal, we talk about such things as:

ice sculptures
coach travel
cat litter
cystitis
Piccadilly Circus vs Times Square
country pubs vs London bars
In Bruges vs Helen in Bruges
the Blue Posts Crawl
stamps
floppy disks
empty London
attractiveness gaps
and
blank videotapes.

Plus: how schoolboy Olly Mann was both a ‘budget Elvis’ and like Jesus; how Helen’s jar of gallstones is keeping a low profile; and how Martin the Sound Man didn’t have an affair with a dog. (That he’ll admit to on air.)

In this week’s Bit of Crap on the App (available for iDevices, Android and Windows), Olly’s beloved cat Coco gets her Flavor Flav gear on. Of course, Olly adores her whatever she wears.

We adore your QUESTIONS, so send them in: leave voicemails on the Question Line (call 0208 123 5877 or Skype ID answermethis) and send emails to answermethispodcast@googlemail.com.

Thanks to Squarespace.com for funding this episode of AMT, and if you want to see an example of a Squarespace site, visit our new answermethisstore.com, where you can buy our archive episodes/albums/Best Ofs with far more of your hard-earned money going to the AMT Corporation rather than a Big Corporation.

See you in a fortnight,

Helen & Olly

AMT281 Child-Friendly Rating: 44%. Second half is pretty clean, but what use is that coming in the wake of a discussion of cystitis, masturbation and cervical mucus? Swearing: there is some.

PS Here’s that Facebook pic of the collection of baby teeth:

AMT baby teeth

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